General Chat

Ahh! Coffee! Cried Allan, and he grabbed the beans but........

realised that in fact the beans were has beans. He'd just have to settle for a nice cup of tea.

Meanwhile, his OH decided to make an omelette with one of those nice shiny goose eggs.

Unfortunately, the omelette was big enough for a giant....and who should appear but....

Not.... the blessed Brian?

Allan had always thought that a zephyr was a type of wind and that the zodiac was an astrological device until he was nearly bowled over by two Fords.

What two police cars were doing on the top of a beanstalk was anybody's guess, although it could have been to stretch incredulity to the point of breaking.

The two police cars were destined to remain at the top of the bean stalk as both drivers had dropped their keys when they got out of the cars.

Typical Plods, thought Allan, remembering the news article from Oz in which a Police car arrived at an incident, the gallant heroes leapt out to do whatever gallant heroes do.

In their haste they left the keys in the ignition. Yes, someone immediately stole the Police Car :-D.

Just imagine, not only a rollicking from your bosses and possible disciplinary action, but having to face your mates as well.

Some things are impossible to live down.

One of the drivers of the now stranded cars had a fancy, yet common name

With all the heavy rains, flooding, typhoons and earthquakes everyone at the top of the beanstalk were getting a bit worried about how the beanstalk would hold up during the bad weather.

Even the Jolly Green Giant was scared.

He ran around chanting, 'Fe, fi, fo, fum, If this stalk collapses I'll fall on my bu,"

The last word was drowned out by the hysterical screams of Allan's OH, who was being attacked by the golden goose which she had been trying to stuff.

OH couldn't understand what all the fuss was about. Her culinary skills were not using met with such difficulty.

Her screams gave way to shocked silence, when the Golden Goose suddenly started talking and explaining why they should treat her well, as she could help them.

She had a plan...........

A talking goose that could also lay golden eggs must be worth a fortune, she thought.

If I put it on eBay, I could get at least enough money to get us home.

Like one of Baldrick's 'cunning plans' Allan's OH had failed to spot the twisted logic in such a move.

The goose decided to keep its beak shut

The goose was keeping quiet because it didn’t want to be a mock(ed) goose.

It much preferred being a Canada Goose but couldn't quite manage to Eh!

Allan misunderstood all of this and spend far too much time looking for the Grey Goose bottle he thought he'd heard mentioned.....

....and discovered he would probably need it having heard that a pair of Geordies were seeking help on their journey to the jungle.

Journeys to jungles what could possible go wrong??......by now Allan was rather peckish...so when he heard of something called bush tucker....well he thought show me the way to the food......

Bush tucker was fine. Now all they had to do was find a busy highway, hide in the bush, (hence the name) and wait for some luckless animal to venture onto the road to meet an untimely demise.

Those years spent in Leonora had not been wasted.


The goose gave them a quizzical look and legged it away from the road as fast as its gold-producing body could carry it.

Which wasn't fast at all...in fact at the speed it was travelling the only thing slower was Brexit...and now Wexit is going to overtake it too.....Allan decided enough was enough.....he needed a proper meal once and for all and loudly declared that his OH was going to provide said meal........

OH overtook the goose in her hope to escape Allan.

She'd seen him looking longingly at one of her legs whilst he was sharpening the axe.

Providing a meal was one thing, but being the said meal was a totally different kettle of fish, or in this case legs.

If there were to be an argument she preferred to have both legs to stand on

Now that his OH had run off with her golden goose Allan had been left on his own.
He was getting even hungrier and so starting looking..........

.....for something to help him either fish or catch an animal.

A man needs some protein and all these berries were giving him the pip.