General Chat

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Right will start again. One very knackered gardner here. Hope Im getting well paid for all this work Im doing on my OWN. Lychees, advacado, plantins, sweet potatoe and paw paw on its way to you Lindy. Im off to the bar now for a huge glass of wine, and it had better be very cold. Maggie

Margaret - you're not own your own! (Have had visitors all day, so just joined you, and can't find my ship!) Last night I left her docked up in the first of the Cape Verde Islands, to have all the repairs done that were caused by the storms on Saturday night.

Dont worry Admiral - the ship is in safe hands (even if some of them are quite enebriated) The usual bunch of no-marks are in attendance, and nothing seems to be amiss - Boris may or may not be missing (avoid the suchi or Shepherd's Pie just to be on the safe side) there are Camels in the Italian Garden growinf humps by the minute (might be something to do with the mamoth dung being liberally spread over the crops) and the Madam and her girls are as devoted to duty as usual. So, no change there then! With regard to the storm damage, Chief Engineer has not been seen since Lisbon, so not sure if we have one however, Daniel the boy King who knows everything can fix it whatever is broken provided it takes bricks - so no worries there. I remain, your devoted toady grovelling snidey Chief Mortician Jac the Drac.

What are camels doing in my garden, I had enough problems getting Boris out of there. Right whoever owns the camels get them out now or they will be fed to Boris. Mammoth dung is very good for the veg's and the rose's. Maggie

Madam Gardener - I dont know what the camels are doing in the Italian Garden, I only know they are there. They are nasty spitting hissing things which belong in the desert, so I can only assume that someone brought them along for the ride - dont get the hump with me - I'm only reporting them!! Mamokth dung is small portions is probably quite acceptable as fertiliser, however the amounts being produced are likely to be a health hazard unless another method of disposal can be thought of - do you know anything of powering engines by means of dung? It might be best just to attach the mamoth to the engine and let nature take its course (we are likely to hit port a darn sight sooner that way, if nothing else) I am off now to do the night's work - if you wish to sleep safely in your cabin, please do not sing in your sleep - I am hunting an alto-soprano tonight!! Sweet dreams - Jac the Drac

Admiral I think that I had better introduce myself to you and the rest of the crew. I was appointed assistant cook and karaoke singer by Mommylonglegs. I have been down to the galley and have prepared the midnight buffet. The head cook was sloshed on rice wine vinegar the last time I saw her. She has since disapeared. Deb

Deb is Boris in the galley? I hope he is or that Lindy has him, otherwise...................... Maggie

Nope - haven't seen HIDE nor hair of him. Maybe he went with Cook for an evening stroll.

Hi All, Nice not to have to read backwards. Early night for me and the elf. Let's hope the weather stays calm. Any chance of a nice mug of hot chocolate brought to my cabin? Gwynne

ATTENTION, ATTENTION: THis is the Admiral. Sorry I haven't spoken to you earlier, but you all seem to be enjoying yourselves. I have discussed the state of the Ship with the necessary people, and it is now Ok to start sailing again. I spoke to the Chief Engineer, Len, last night and we shall stay in dock tonight, to give everyone who went off shopping, and for Madam Anne's girls time to get back on board, if they can drag themselves away from all the bars and men in the dock area. Welcome aboard Deborah and Steph. Glad you could join us. Steph, you've obviously been getting down to work with your Entertainments, and Deborah perhaps we could have some Karoake in the main Bar this evening please. Margaret, we don't want these camels on board, please get one of the men to take them off the ship and leave them in the port here. (and can you kindly alter the thread title to: "SS Utopia (thread full) continue here for further adventures" and thanks for starting this thread!) Lindy, are we alright for supplies now to start sailing in the morning. If not, send someone into the port to get anything else for the kitchen you need (no! not a galley slave!) Perhaps that Patrick Swayzi chap could go. Strump, Black Widow, I'm pleased to hear you've got your precious rocks back! Gwynneth: have you still got Legolas in your cabin. Because it looks like Jac the Drac. is on the prowl! I wonder if David, our Security Chap is around, I need to talk to him. What's happened to Mr. Fix It? There are several maintenance jobs that need doing before we set sail tomorrow, not least of which is the Lifeboats, as a lot of people seem to be using them instead of proper cabins! Has anyone seen that geriatric Cabin Boy? He seems to be skiving, look in all the lifeboats. Madame Purser, are you about!!!!! If anyone sees her, tell her we need her on the top deck to speak to me. I hope to get round to see you all before bedtime.

Good evening. Welcome to our first karaoke night. My first number is a an oldie but goodie, "Like a Virgin" (for the trollops on board). I will be taking requests. Deb aka Galley Slave

GOOD EVENING ADMIRAL We are well stocked with supplies and ready to sail when you give the word. ASSISTANT COOK Get your backside down to the Galley immediately and do the washing up as the dishwasher seems to have jumped ship. Who may I ask gave you permission for a midnight feast.? No such order came from the admiral. Do not assume anything as you might just find yourself in the service of LADY ANNE. No more nasty remarks about me. Dinner was served on time and I have not had any complaints from the Admiral. JAC THE DRAC Stay away from Boris, he is only friends with Maggie the Gardener and myself. How many times do I have to repeat myself? Maybe, you should be hunting for rats on board and not security. I am sure you will find them very tasty. DAVE HEAD OF SECURITY I am so glad you enjoyed the kipper that I made especially for you. Do you remember the rat you put in the flour bin. Well Hello! wasn't he a tasty kipper. I have warned you stay away from Boris,. Some of you might want to remember that I do the cooking and you never know what you might be digesting. FAT LADY, COOK

Lindy please say that you have Boris...getting worried now. Maggie. Ps need more wine.

Good evening, Admiral, Legolas is safe and well. I'm keeping him well away from the Karaoke. Please make sure no one else gives him alcohol the mess he left behind him today was unbelievable. Looking forward to the voyage. The gardens are looking a bit of a mess - almost as though a crocodile had run through them Gwynne

Gwenneth, Thats the camels....no dont ask Maggie

Hi Maggie, Don't you worry about Boris. Due to this evenings "rabble rousing" I have him safely tucked away as I know that Dave is going to be on the war path after finding out his kipper was in fact a rat. Heh! Heh! FAT LADY, COOK

Hi, Mommylonglegs! Great ot have you around again! I had been telling everyone that I felt that we are just about ready to set off again to reach the Main Island and the port of Mondelo, deliver the Ambassador's cargo, and then go onour way after that. I hope that's OK with you? Margaret, can't you get rid of these b......y camels. They're creating havoc!

The camels are nothing to do with me. I didnt put them there, I have no idea where they came from. I cant get rid of them. They are bigger than me, they bite, spit, hiss whenever I go near them. And they dont respond to puss puss. If security Dave wants to donk things let him donk those camels, nasty smelly things. Either that or I will let Boris loose on them. Maggie

Admiral Dorothy i'm always around watching and listening, but my assistant Liz is hiding somewere with a bottle or three. Fat cook i enjoyed the kipper rat or whatever though it was a bit furry needed plenty of wine to get it down thankyou. Might turf that waste of space crocodile overboard if i can find it, On my way to check the entertainment, it sounds to be getting a bit rowdy. On my way David ( security ) Be Afraid