General Chat

Not at all, this was a bunch of coconuts with a beautiful lady! :-S

What they lacked in moral fibre was adequately compensated for by coconut fibre.

The llamas went into attack mode :-0

Being clever llamas they managed to chew some wool from each other, combine it with some coconut fibre, source a weaving machine and made a raft that could be used for both sea and land. If that did not get them to the next part of their journey nothing would.

So orft they jolly well went!

OH peered into her capacious bag and pulled out a length of strong material.

Allan was a dab hand at fixing things, so soon had the cloth fashioned and fastened as a super sail for his raft.

This would get them along at a fine speed..but where to..?

Over the sea to an Island of Dreams

Far better than a continent of nightmares

But first there seemed to be a lot of trouble getting lift off.

It seems they were destined to be in a world of their own. ;-)

All in a hot and copper sky,
The bloody Sun, at noon,
Right up above the mast did stand,
No bigger than the Moon.


Day after day, day after day,
We stuck, nor breath nor motion;
As idle as a painted raft,
Upon a painted ocean

Water, water, every where,
And all the material did shrink;
Water, water, every where,
Nor any drop to drink.

Whilst OH appreciated a bit of Coleridge, as she had been to Coleridge herself, she kicked Allan in the shins.

'Get Us Out Of Here!' she screamed.

And as if by magic Ant and Dec appeared.....

Obviously, from different continents, Allan and OH had no idea what ant was other than a six-legged insect, and as for dec, that could have been a corruption of the word December, or a very poor spelling of the word deck.

Either way, the beans that Allan and OH had been living on for weeks began to take effect and at last the wind blew.

One of the voices in Allan's head explained that Ant and Dec are two genial Geordie hosts of a programme that sees 'celebs' taking part in a game show in the Jungle in the Antipodes.

Thus saying, as the beans did their worst, all four of the occupants of the raft sallied forward towards the horizon and hopefully...…………….Home.

But whose home?

Allan's home.

His very own, spiritual home.


Where he puts his feet up at night, after a long and stressful day.


Like the never ending days where he cannot get home.

Hmmm! The jungles of the Antipodes could be the best place for some of the so-called, self-styled, celebrities, together with social media 'influencers' particularly if the jungles were home to several tribes of cannibals.

The above was Allan's thinking on a good day; if he had been having a bad day his thoughts would be unprintable.

However, to continue...…


And soon I heard a roaring wind:
It did not come anear;
But with its sound it shook the sails,
That were so thin and sere.


The upper air burst into life!
And a hundred fire-flags sheen,
To and fro they were hurried about!
And to and fro, and in and out,
The wan stars danced between.

And the coming wind did roar more loud,
And the sails did sigh like sedge,
And the rain poured down from one black cloud;
The Moon was at its edge.

Allan had found the poppies in his wife's rather large, and now nearly empty, bag

Whilst Allan was floating in happiness ( ;-)) he didn’t, notice that Ant & Dec had taken control of the rather strange raft but his OH had and she was...........

speaking to them in a broad Lancashire accent so,of course, they had no idea what she was talking about, what with them being from 'forrin parts'

All this talking in tongues was too much for Allan....he looked into OH copious bag and found his ruby shoes. Putting them clicking his heels and said "I wish I was anywhere but here".....with a flash of lightning Allan found he was suddenly in the Netherlands knee deep in Tulips.

Carefully tip toeing through them, so as not to crush the blooms. Allan headed for the windmill in the distance.

On arriving, he opened the door to hear mice singing......

At first, he couldn't work out where they were, but then OH noticed the mice and said, "There they are, there on the stair right there.........."

and sure enough they were and not only that, they were dancing too and making a terrific racket on the wooden stairs.

Their little clogs did indeed make a racket! (Thank goodness we know what we are talking about!!) :-D

OH took one look at the rodents and let out one mighty shriek. Unfortunately that made them scatter, and one ran up OH's leg....

....it was one of three visually impaired mice.

It would have to have been to run up his wife's leg!

However, she is made of stern stuff and taking a carving knife swiftly cut of it's tail.

The actual deed was recorded by Chaucer (who was in his cups) in the section of his epic poem, known as the Mouse's Tale

Whilst this might seem to be an anachronism, OH's bag seems to be very Tardis like on occasions.