General Chat

So did Frank, who had come looking for his Betty.

Being Frank, he had got himself tangled up in the coconuts....
. Ooooooo Betty....
.

Frank pulled his mac on, tightly belted it, and began singing Early One Morning....

When, suddenly, the sand erupted like a boil which had reached its head.

From the coruscating sand a wizened hag appeared, dressed from head to toe in black and wearing a black pointy hat.

Still seething, the sand ejected two more creatures of a similar ilk appeared.

Allan heaved a sigh of relief; at last the sand witches he ordered earlier had arrived.

Only three witches?

Allan counted them......Hubble, Bubble, Toil but where was Trouble?

Where Allan went, Trouble was sure to follow...………….

Trouble was to be found everywhere.

Allan had reasoned that if three witches were on a blasted heath were sufficient for Macbeth, then the same rule should apply to this blasted island.

Besides, they had a nice line in soups on the go

The soups were not up to the usual standard as there were no toads or newts on the island.

Snakes and lizards and rodent's gizzards are adequate substitutes.

Obviously the Satanic Sisterhood had never watched Survivor.

'Right then ladies!' said Bear Grylls, as he strode manfully across the sands.

The witches fell into a heap of blubbering girlish tittering.

He wasn't Chief Scout for nothing!

Bare grills. Said Allan’s O H. Is he that Naked Chef.?

Before Allan had a chance to reply, witch number one sniggered and said suggestively, 'He could use my Coven to keep warm at anytime'

The other two immediately started belabouring her with their besoms.

You can get rid of those, yelled Allan’s O H. Because being northern she knew that they weren’t, brooms ;-)

Worried about their place in this adventure the young besoms got free of the two witches and hid behind the third.

Allan argued with his wife that new brooms sweep clean.

She responded by throwing a coconut at his head (Allan had always been a little shy).

While these deep and forceful domestic discussions were taking place, the three witches, two besoms, Bear Grylls, Frank Spencer and the naked chef were all having an animated conversation amongst themselves as to the best was to cook the dead camel they had found, and how to use its hide so that the naked chef was no longer naked.

Allan looked round in amazement.

He must have upset someone as even the voices in his head had stopped speaking to him and the multiple personalities had left for more desirable residences.

The voices had been concerned over the possible consquences of eating a badly cooked camel. Especially as they didn’t know how long it had been dead.

However, it seems that both Allan and his OH survived and so the voices dropped their sick bags and...............

the Naked Chef walked off in a hump.

It's amazing the things that you can do with a dead camel and a pair of scissors.

Bare Grylls wondered what part of the camel he would end up wearing and whether he would have the guts to wear it in public.

The voices knew that one couldn't make a silk purse out of pigs ear so what could be made out of a camels...………..

It's amazing what you can make out of dead animals of any species.

For example, wombats are used as speed humps in Australia.

In Western Australia, where there are no wombats, road-kill kangaroos are used for the same purpose.

Man's ingenuity knows no bounds!

The reason that these men know no bounds was because they had run over all the kangerood ;-)

Now there's a new beastie.....a kangarood!

Does it tell inappropriate stories and jokes? ;-) ;-)

My apologies in advance; I just couldn't resist it