General Chat

Allan noticed the ferries merrily going back and forth. The dear little foot passenger ferry, and the larger car ferry back to the Isle of Wight.

Allan was alerted to the fact that there was a ferry going to France. Why not? At least we would be heading in the right direction, and we could pick up some cheese, bread and cheap plonk on the way.

Never say die, Allan and OH boarded the ferry.....

Allan and his OH spent the journey brushing up on their French and deciding what cheeses they would buy.

They also discussed how they could get home from France or whether it would be best to return to Pompey.

"Hola" said the port worker on arrival.....

Allan realised that he hadn't brushed up on his schoolboy French for a few years, but in the back of his mind he didn't think Hola was a typical French greeting.

Nevertheless OH was searching in her copious handbag for a French/English dictionary, and a few Euros she always kept for such an occasion.

As they walked back down the gangplank, they noticed.....

A beautiful girl in a frilly dress clicking together what liked baby sized coconut shells.

It almost felt that they were being invited into a bank....

It couldn't be the Dogger Bank as they were too far South.

But still the worker persisted in calling out 'Hola'

Allan wondered why until he fell into the hole that he had been warned about.

Perhaps this was the commencement of Allan's adventure in Wonderland

Well the wonder part was correct as he wondered what would happen next.

His mind also began to wander

At this point he realized that the grape juice he'd had bottles of on the ferry wasn't grape juice.....he somehow climbed out of the hole mainly by standing on OH head. He came face to face with a man on a bike with onions around his neck....Onion Johnny...so it was true they do exist though Allan...I can do that....he grabbed a bike and string of onions and was off.......

He braked abruptly as he realised that onion sellers did not sell onions in France but for some reason only plied their wares in England.

Removing his beret and wiping of his pencilled moustache he sheepishly rejoined his wife.

Her only comment was 'Baa!"

I deleted cos we were heading for Middle Earth :-D

'Suits you, that stripey jumper' said OH, shaking her head 'you could be a member of Bananarama'

'Na, na, hey, hey' said Allan, and pulled up the bike.


Allan gallantly offered OH a 'saddle' on his bike, but the look of disgust said it all.


'There is no place like home' thought Allan, as he clicked his ruby trainers.....

Allan still hadn’t,t realised he had caught the ferry to Spain (Santander) and not the one to France.

And he was wearing ruby red trainers ..........olé

Slowly it began to dawn on Allan and OH, as they walked along the prom, and gazed at the crystal clear water. Allan was pleased he was wearing his ruby trainers, as many people looked at his feet......admiringly.

They decided to walk along to the town, to get their bearings, and also a plate of paella. Allan decided it would be novel to see a prawn in a blanket of rice, instead of throwing it on the barbie.

Suddenly a main with straw in his hair came running up to them......

Calling out “have you seen the little white bull. It,s a brave little bull”

Allan gave him a Steely look and asked,"Is it called Tommy?"


"You know him?" came the reply.

"No, I haven't seen him", said Allan to the puzzled chap.

Meanwhile his wife was having the same reaction to a dodgy prawn that she had had to the dodgy oyster in Sydney.

Allan knew that for the next couple of days any journey undertaken would be dictated by the distance between public toilets.

He consulted his GPS (Global Puking System)

OH was holding her hand out for some change now that they had reached the conveniences.

'How much do you need?' asked Allan.

OH mumbled something, while holding her tummy.

'Oh that's not bad' thought Allan. 'That's equal to Half a Sixpence'

OH rushed away.

A Spanish gentleman enquired as to OH rapid exit.

'She has gone to talk to the White Telephone' said Allan tactfully. 'She is Singing the Blues. Flash, Bang, Wallop? It's All Happening? Soon she will need Water, Water.'

The Spanish gentleman looked bemused and walked away.

When OH had composed herself, they would be on their way to who knows where...

Not to Pamplona, at least not whilst wearing those Ruby Red trainers - unless Allan can run VERY fast.

Allan looked down at his ruby trainers and had an urge to click his heels together twice.

Also, for some reason he thought that they would have to follow a yellow sick toad.

At least it would make an empathetic travelling companion for his wife

Allan doesn't need to follow the yellow sick toad cos' he's taking the Costa Brava 'plane Y Viva Espana
If you'd like to chat a matador, in some cool cabana
And meet senoritas by the score, Espana por favor

Pausing only long enough to gather a curios trio of travelling companions comprising a thin man in a silver suit, a person who looked as though he'd been dragged through a hedge backwards, and an overgrown ginger cat, they at last set off.

They were followed by a small, foul smelling, dog.

They were heading for the land of Oz

Allan had been wearing his ruby shoes for far too long now, but nothing would stop him skipping down that road.....not even flying monkeys..