General Chat

OH TINA, I'M SO SORRY TO HEAR THAT. YOU HAVE MY BEST WISHES. AT LEAST YOU HAD SOME GOOD TIME WITH YOUR MOTHER, THAT WILL NEVER HAPPEN FOR ME, AND I WOULD LIKE A GOOD RELATIONSHIP WITH MY MOTHER. CAN'T HAVE IT ALL. THANK YOU FOR YOUR REPLY, AND KINDEST REGARDS, LISA X

Hi Lisa, i didnt have a life such as yours with your mum but i did have an unhappy relationship with mine, i am the youngest but one of two boys and three girls and i always thought that she neither liked or loved me, my dad and myself were always on the outside, by the time i was 40 i had distanced myself emotionaly from her so that the slights didnt hurt so much,then my dad died and things changed she wanted me near but i hugely resented it and would only see her once a week whereas i could have seen her every day as i lived very close and didnt work,then 4 years ago i had a major personal crisis where i was practically suicidal and for the first time in my life i felt loved by her, i still felt resentfull so didnt tell her how much i loved her then 2 years ago she also died and i cant tell you how much i miss her and how much i regret not talking about my fellings with her, i havent got any advice for you in your situation i only know how much i wish my mum was still here

I'm with you Lisa.... my mother has always to me that I wasn't wanted as I wasn't a boy.... she already had my sister so I was the disappointment.... now it seems that it's a competition between her and me.... when i left hubby all she did was email me saying how much she hated my dad and wanted to leave him... I just replied saying if she wanted to leave then she should but I wasn't going to take her rubbish anymore.... she's been dead nice since but I am witing for the next "poor me" session.... we get one a month!!

Oh Lisa Tell me about it. I am now in my sixties and I have never got over the deep longing to have a mother 'Like all the other girls mothers' I am now writing a very cathartic book on my experiences of growing up with a Mother I loathed. It is such a strong feeling and I have traced it back to my earliest memories. I hated her trying to get me to sit on her knee when I was tiny. You see she dumped me when I was little,because I was a nuisance and interfered with her social life. It suited her for me to be brought up by my aunt and uncle as one of their brood. When I was fourteen she married again and wanted to play house, so I was taken from the family I loved and set up with her and a step-father and step sister. I left home as soon as I could and never went back to live. As a child my nightmare was to be stuck with her on my own. Guess What- She is now 90 and very dependent on me. She can do nothing for herself and I have to help her through each day. I do it out of duty not love. The nightmare is now the reality. There are still so many things I would like to do with my life. She is eternal and I am going to be an old woman before I have time to myself and it will be too late. YES I UNDERSTAND

i know it sound bad but get on with your life i have been with my partner 5 years and my mun still dislikes him when it suits her dont let her no it gets to you or she will do it all the more you have a life just like she does take care louise

Thank you Julies, lol, I wish I had a loving mum, but that's life huh. I hate to think this, but I know life would be easier without her around. So many people say love your mum, one day she'll be gone and you'll regret not talking to her, but we've never gotten along, so there really is nothing to miss. Lisa x

lisa i kinda know where yur coming from as my hubby has a mum the same. he has done so well but she was always mean to him as a child , when she eventually had him and her other kids back from kids home she left them in. he came home from the falklands first time and she had moved house without telling him, second time he came home from there( hes ex forces), she met up with him in a pub. when we got married she asked him if he was sure ur baby was his! she knew nothing about me . 18 years later now and no contact with her inbetween last 16 years and when our daughter got in touch with her she was more than happy to chat for a few minutes occasionally. hubby warned us it would be short lived and it was. approx 4 months later husband discovered younger sister he never knew about, his mother then accused him of stirring up trouble , though it was her secret and one he completely by accident discovered, (via internet). our daughter was told on phone by his mother, she no longer wanted to speak to her or us. her loss, hubby has gained a lovely sister and our kids an auntie. you have my sympathy lisa, i cant advice you but my husband gets on without his mum and though she should be proud, i cant make her .i could go on but ive gone on to long here sorry. thinking of you . wish every one had a mum like i had

Thx for that email, It certainly seems it's only us girls who get all the grief. So far I have had amazing feed back, all by women, who say that their mothers love there brothers but not them...Strange, yet very hard. My sincere regards to anyone in the same boat as myself. Lisa xx

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THANK YOU MARGARET, I TRIED TALKING TO THE DOCTOR A WHILE AGO NOW, BUT HE SAID IT WAS CONFIDENTIAL BLAH BLAH, THE OTHER PROBLEM IS, MY 17 YEAR OLD BROTHER WOULD FLIP HIS LID IF I HAD HER RE-COMMITED, AND SHE WOULD PROBABLY TRY TO KILL ME WHEN SHE GETS OUT...LAST TIME SHE WAS IN, I DIDNT GO THE HOSPIAL, (WHEN SHE ASKED ME), TO HELP HER GET OUT. SHE DRINKS ALL DAY AND NIGHT NOW TOO, I REALLY FEEL STUCK IN A RUTT, AS NO MATTER WHAT I DO, I WILL LOK LIKE THE BADDY. ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHH LOL THAT'S A LITTLE BETTER. LISA XX :-)

Thank you for your kind words margaret. My mum was only ever obliged to take her medication while she was under section, since she's been out of hospital, she doesn't have to, and doesn't take any medication, no one even comes to check up on her, I feel like the hospital is some how at fault..she's obviously not well, and yet she is out making peoples lives a misery. Something isn't right. Lisa

Lisa...I have tried throughout my married life NOT to be anything like my mother. I have 2 wonderful Son-in- laws and a beautiful Daughter-in-law whom I love as my own, and I have never ever fallen out with any of them or my children.If they ever have a problem they want to discuss with us we try to help as best we can but would never interfere. Lisa try to rise above it all you will reap the benefits....how does the saying go...you reap what you sow. Lynn

Thx for your reply Lynn, you mum sounds a lot like mine, mine could give hitler, or someone evil, a run for their money lol. Regards Lisa x

Not wanting to speak ill of the dead but my mother was the mother from hell. I married when I was 18 and my mother Hated my husband with a vengence. My dad when he was alive got on ever so well with hubby and if ever there was a problem hubby was the one he would call and although there may have been friction with mum and hubby we all got on as best we could. After dads death she reverted back to her nasty side and would just phone me up and either run my husband myself or any other family member down to me. The only person she never ran down was my brother...the apple of her eye. Hubby just didn't get on with her. Then just before xmas almost two years ago she phoned. We were talking quite normally when she said something about my husband so I said "Mum you just dont get on with him" she said "well he lied to me" there I was thinking when did he speak to her. So I said "Mum what are you on" Well she replied when you got married he promised to go back to sea"........I had been married for 36 years at the time and she had harboured this all this time. I could write a book about my mother and some of the things would make anyones hair curl It's quite true...you can choose your friends but not your family Lynn

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thank you all for your kind words, and i'm sorry to those of you that are going through similar. Lisa xxx

Symptoms og schizophrenia include (from my personal experience) talking to your self, or imaginary person, having a conversation with the wall for example, thinking people are using telepathy to read her mind, constant disgusting allegations of sex (and worse), she thinks she is gods lover, shouts and gets very phsically violent at times, the fact that my mother is also an alcoholic worsens her problem. Those are a few symptoms. Lisa x

I'm really sorry to hear about you both, Lisa and Bec. I can understand a bit because my birth mother behaves in a very strange way - I can appreciate (to a point) that she might not want contact with me because she didn't bring me up, but I can't understand at all why she hasn't spoken to my half-brother for a year and a half, and doesn't even send Christmas or birthday cards to her grandchildren. That isn't normal behaviour. But saying that, we think she believes her behaviour IS normal and therefore she needs help and won't admit it. I'm sure she's not schizophrenic, but she certainly has some medical condition. Your mothers probably think they are behaving perfectly normally, but to 'normal' people their behaviour ISN'T normal and is obviously due to some medical condition. I hope your mums are getting the help they need. I think you will come to a point when you can't bear to be hurt any longer and then, sadly, it will be their loss. Sending hugs and love to you both, Mandy xx

Oh Lisa im so sorry...i am very lucky to have the mum i have, but i know of plenty of people who no longer speak to their mums, including my step dad, love and huggles xxxx

My mum is certainly a mother from hell.... She had me at 16 but refused to give up her fun times etc. So simply carried on, luckly for me she was still living at home and my nan and grandad cared for me. Then 4 yrs later she fell for a married man and had my sister. Again she still wanted her freedom and when we was 6 and 2 she left to live with man she' met that night. Again lucky we had nan and grandad. She married this man. She gradually distanced herself from us. When my sister was arrested the police wouldn't let Nan have custody of her as Nan had never been made legal guardian. The local police contacted mum's local police who informed her of the situation. Mum decided as it was a saturday night, she wouldn't come over till the following morning. My sister went off the rails badly after this. She ended up in care. At meetings as nan wasn't guardian, mum had to attend. I lost count of the amount of times mum just didn't bother.She finally got rid of him just to make house with just about any loser who would have her. In turn she got her self a drink problem. This was really bad when she visited just after my youngest was born. Knowing she liked a drink we hide it all. She effectivly went cold turkey and had a fit in front of my baby, twins of 3 and a6yr old. She was hospitlized and was made clean. The hosp said whilst they could stop her phyiscally wanting a drink, they couldn't stop her emotional. She was back on the booze within days. And is still on it. I now haven't seen her for about 5yrs, tho i do have sporaditc telephone contact. My youngest son has no recollection of her at all, the older 3 have vague recollections. The turning point came when i realised i was doing all the running to make the relationship work. Relationships need to be two way. I have my kids to think of and i was advised by the medical profession, to not let history repeat itself. They said i was too busy dealing with the past to make the present work!!! My kids mean the world to me and as much as they annoy, wind me up, drag me down, they are my kids and i love them unconditionally ( even if i don't like them at times!!!)BUT i would never leave them with anyone at all. This sounds very uncaring and unloving, i can assure you all i'm not and what i've told you is only the tip of the iceberg. I could write a book. I know has problems but they are her problems not mine. I realise some of you will say she's ill but i think she's just weak and i refuse to let history repeat itself. Shelli sorry it's so long but i do tend to go on when discussing mum, adn my problems aren't really the same as yours Lisa xx