General Chat

EVER SINCE I TURNED 5 MY MOTHER HAS HATED ME WITH AVENGENCE, NOW I'M 24 AND FOUND A GOOD MAN SHE IS JEALOUS, AND SERIOUSLY WISHES I WAS DEAD. I HAVE ALWAYS BEEN A GOOD DAUGHTER, AND THE FACT THAT SHE IS A DIAGNOSED SCHIZOPHRENIC HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH IT. IS ANYONE HAVING SIMILAR PROBLEMS TO ME? I LOVE MY MUM, BUT I'M AT MY WITTS END. LISA X

Oh Lisa :-( I know exactly how you feel. Almost 2 years ago I started seeing my boyf and she hated him, now we do not speak at all. Her and my sister have constantly ganged up on me and tricked me with emotional mind games. The day I moved out (on my own for the first time!) she made sure she wasn't around and just left me a long letter saying what a mistake I was making and how awful I was. What can we do? I keep thinking to myself that something could happen to one of us tomorrow and I'd regret not being close to her anymore but I can't stand her malisciousness. Hugs of sympathy xxx

aww thx cold, prob i have is that my mum loves my b/f too much, know what i mean? lol hugs to you too, i know what its like :( lisa xx

LOL... WELL I'VE MOANED FOR YEARS, NOW I LET IT RUN STRAGHT BY ME NOW, THO I DO STILL GET UPSET. AH WELL, WE CAN'T CHOOSE OUR PARENTS LOL, BUT MAYBE I CAN TRACE MY DAD . THX FOR YOUR REPLY LISA XX

I think the problem can be (specifically in my situation) that although we become adults we are always our parents children. My mum tends to behave like a friend who doesn't like me rather than a mum who should love me unconditionally My mum and dad (divorced and both remarried) want to sit down with me and resolve it all but I know that she will get angry and make me feel even worse. I really am happier not being in contact rather than being on speaking terms and receiving text messages/letters/etc of abuse and hurt. It's all very sad :-(

YEP, PROB FOR ME IS WHEN SHE WAS SENT TO HOSPITAL I HAD TO MOVE BACK INTO HER HOUSE TO LOOK AFTER MY BRO, AND A YEAR LATER I'M STILL HERE ERGHH...SHE AVOIDS ME LIKE THE PLAGUE LUCKILY, AND ACTS LIKE I DON'T EXIST, SHE ALSO THINKS I'M THE ONE WHO'S INSANE AND NOT HER! SHE IS A VICIOUS PERSON, AND IS VERY HURTFUL. I TRIED TO HELP HER, AND SHE TREW EVERYTHING BACK IN MY FACE. AS SOON AS I MOVE OUT I WILL DISSOWN HER, I TRUELY BELIEVE SHE DOESNT DESERVE KIDS. :o) LISA XXX

THX LOUISE, I'M SORRY FOR WHAT YOU'RE GOING THROUGH, IT IS VERY HARD ESPECIALLY WHEN WE HAVEN'T DONE ANYHITNG WRONG. MY MUM BELIEVES EVERYONE IS DOING 'THINGS' TO EVERYONE ELSE, AND CALLS THE POLICE WHEN SHE DOESNT GET 'HER OWN WAY'. AH WELL, I GUESS WE HAVE TO DEAL WITH IT, OR ERADICATE THE PROBLEM FROM OUR LIVES. LISA XXX

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I really feel for you Lisa. It must be very difficult at times. Lorraine with hugs x

Unfortunately Schizophrenia is a horrible illness in which the person thinks they are normal and others are persecuting them. it is treatable with medication but, because the patient then feels better, they assume they no longer need medication and stop taking it and become ill again. When ill they are not responsible for their actions. I have a friend who has been schizophrenic for over 40 years and she keeps hers under control with medication has raised a family and is a loving Grandmother. I also have a niece in her 30s who suffers from it and she has recently abandoned her medication for the second time. She has cut herself off completely from the family. if she ever gets her medication settled again she will be appalled to know how she has behaved to her Mum and the rest of us. I am sorry that you have suffered so much with your Mum but it is an illness and, hard though it may seem, she probably needs compassion. I suspect she thinks she doesn't need any medication which is why she is so horrible to you. Best to get on with your life and not try to be friends. Unfortunately unless she gets and responds to treatment she is not going to change. Ann Glos

My mother was the same, which looking back now seems such a waste of life. She never wanted any children so when she realised she was expecting me apparently tried every trick in the book to get shot of me. She resigned herself eventually to having a boy (no competition) but got me. My hair was to straight, I was ugly, I was'nt a nice child. Everything was wrong. She permed my hair when I was two. Eventually when I was 12 I was taken away from her. Her and my father had divorced and she had become an alcololic. I did'nt see her for eight years after that. When I was 20 I dicided to go and visit her, which I did and we became good friends and she apologised for being a bad mother. A year later she was dead at the age of 47 with a heart attack. That was nearly forty years ago now and now I think what a silly woman to have spent most of her life being bitter and twisted when she could have had such a nice life.

Sorry to read of your problem Liza, I had that all my life,You have to accept it and remember,You can only choose your friends,not your family.Just get on with your life,its too short to waste or let other people waste it for you.Best wishes,Hal.

It's nice to find some understanding people. Most of my friends tell me I should sort things out, rise above her etc. She makes me unhappy, simple!

My mum is certainly a mother from hell.... She had me at 16 but refused to give up her fun times etc. So simply carried on, luckly for me she was still living at home and my nan and grandad cared for me. Then 4 yrs later she fell for a married man and had my sister. Again she still wanted her freedom and when we was 6 and 2 she left to live with man she' met that night. Again lucky we had nan and grandad. She married this man. She gradually distanced herself from us. When my sister was arrested the police wouldn't let Nan have custody of her as Nan had never been made legal guardian. The local police contacted mum's local police who informed her of the situation. Mum decided as it was a saturday night, she wouldn't come over till the following morning. My sister went off the rails badly after this. She ended up in care. At meetings as nan wasn't guardian, mum had to attend. I lost count of the amount of times mum just didn't bother.She finally got rid of him just to make house with just about any loser who would have her. In turn she got her self a drink problem. This was really bad when she visited just after my youngest was born. Knowing she liked a drink we hide it all. She effectivly went cold turkey and had a fit in front of my baby, twins of 3 and a6yr old. She was hospitlized and was made clean. The hosp said whilst they could stop her phyiscally wanting a drink, they couldn't stop her emotional. She was back on the booze within days. And is still on it. I now haven't seen her for about 5yrs, tho i do have sporaditc telephone contact. My youngest son has no recollection of her at all, the older 3 have vague recollections. The turning point came when i realised i was doing all the running to make the relationship work. Relationships need to be two way. I have my kids to think of and i was advised by the medical profession, to not let history repeat itself. They said i was too busy dealing with the past to make the present work!!! My kids mean the world to me and as much as they annoy, wind me up, drag me down, they are my kids and i love them unconditionally ( even if i don't like them at times!!!)BUT i would never leave them with anyone at all. This sounds very uncaring and unloving, i can assure you all i'm not and what i've told you is only the tip of the iceberg. I could write a book. I know has problems but they are her problems not mine. I realise some of you will say she's ill but i think she's just weak and i refuse to let history repeat itself. Shelli sorry it's so long but i do tend to go on when discussing mum, adn my problems aren't really the same as yours Lisa xx

Oh Lisa im so sorry...i am very lucky to have the mum i have, but i know of plenty of people who no longer speak to their mums, including my step dad, love and huggles xxxx

I'm really sorry to hear about you both, Lisa and Bec. I can understand a bit because my birth mother behaves in a very strange way - I can appreciate (to a point) that she might not want contact with me because she didn't bring me up, but I can't understand at all why she hasn't spoken to my half-brother for a year and a half, and doesn't even send Christmas or birthday cards to her grandchildren. That isn't normal behaviour. But saying that, we think she believes her behaviour IS normal and therefore she needs help and won't admit it. I'm sure she's not schizophrenic, but she certainly has some medical condition. Your mothers probably think they are behaving perfectly normally, but to 'normal' people their behaviour ISN'T normal and is obviously due to some medical condition. I hope your mums are getting the help they need. I think you will come to a point when you can't bear to be hurt any longer and then, sadly, it will be their loss. Sending hugs and love to you both, Mandy xx

Symptoms og schizophrenia include (from my personal experience) talking to your self, or imaginary person, having a conversation with the wall for example, thinking people are using telepathy to read her mind, constant disgusting allegations of sex (and worse), she thinks she is gods lover, shouts and gets very phsically violent at times, the fact that my mother is also an alcoholic worsens her problem. Those are a few symptoms. Lisa x

thank you all for your kind words, and i'm sorry to those of you that are going through similar. Lisa xxx

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Not wanting to speak ill of the dead but my mother was the mother from hell. I married when I was 18 and my mother Hated my husband with a vengence. My dad when he was alive got on ever so well with hubby and if ever there was a problem hubby was the one he would call and although there may have been friction with mum and hubby we all got on as best we could. After dads death she reverted back to her nasty side and would just phone me up and either run my husband myself or any other family member down to me. The only person she never ran down was my brother...the apple of her eye. Hubby just didn't get on with her. Then just before xmas almost two years ago she phoned. We were talking quite normally when she said something about my husband so I said "Mum you just dont get on with him" she said "well he lied to me" there I was thinking when did he speak to her. So I said "Mum what are you on" Well she replied when you got married he promised to go back to sea"........I had been married for 36 years at the time and she had harboured this all this time. I could write a book about my mother and some of the things would make anyones hair curl It's quite true...you can choose your friends but not your family Lynn