General Chat

Weather ( ;-)) he had anything to be jealous of will never be known as just at point Allan's wife stumbled into the area and putting two and two together made five (maths had never been her strongest subject at school)

She stood in the doorway and let out a piercing scream.

The scream, happy to be released, sauntered, nay, ran, through all areas of the submarine.

Unfortunately, the sub happened to be on silent running at that particular moment in time as it was taking part in a wider submarine tracking exercise.

Not only did the sonar operator in the sub suffer from burst ear drums, but also several similar operators in the surface ships trying to hunt it.

The fact that many knew where the sub was but were unable to communicate its position to those fortunate few who still had all their senses was particularly irksome.

The scream was not just reverberating around the submarine, but positively enjoying its fifteen seconds of fame.

By now all the sub's crew members had been rendered speechless, not that they had lost the power of speech, but when your hearing is temporarily lost what is the point of trying to make yourself heard.

Luckily AllanaOH always remembered her mothers instructions to never go out without a hankie.

So rummaging in her capacious bag she pulled out several coloured hankies. Hopefully the crew would not have forgotten how to signal with flags...

Allan hadn't the heart, or the courage, to point out to his OH that to signal with the flags would involve going on to the deck.

There were two drawbacks with this (which were in fact two sides of the same coin)

a) they were currently submersed at about one hundred metres below the surface

b) to reach the deck would involve opening at least one hatch with catastrophic results

c) (Allan was never very good at maths) in either case the flags would become very wet and not flutter proudly in the wind

...and the colours OH had in her bag only spelled out 'Two 99 ice creams - please.'
(the 'please' is important)

Allan, being ever resourceful and inventive realised the limitations this might mean and vowed to increase their chances of sending a useful message.

..........not that there was anything wrong with placing a request for 2 .99s. ...indeed they would be much enjoyed, but wouldn't really help their present situation.

What they needed was something to increase the range of colours.

OH who had much experience in culinary matters suggested that they would find natural dyes in the galley.

Onions and beetroot might be a good start.....................

Not really thought Allan, as they gave him bad wind, although that may be useful in flying the flags.

Dismissing that particular thought, and remembering that they were on a submarine, where access to fresh air was extremely limited, Allan decided to find the radio room and hopefully send a message calling for help.

Allan strode manfully to the radio room. A sailor sat in front of the machinery, doing a word-search. He was circling the clues with crayons, not a good sign.

'So' said Allan 'do you send regular verbal messages, or is in Morse code?'

'No, not Morse sir' said the sailor 'he is long gawn sir, Sgt Lewis has taken his place'

Thus puzzled Allan, but he Endeavoured to carry on. 'No, you fool, can you send a message for me?'

'Certainly sir, what message did you want? A random one, or one from the book we have here?' the sailor produced a thumbed pamphlet from the drawer in the desk, it contained hundreds of standard messages.

'Just say, Mayday, help needed, and send our co-ordinates'

'Just as you wish sir, 1st May, and a matching tank top and shorts'

Allan walked away, shaking his head...……………...

Well that was a mistake. He should have been concentrating. This was an old sub, low ceilings, pipe work and cables running along it making the height even lower.

And then there were the hatch doorways to step through.

All sorts of things can happen.......

and of course it did.....first Allan didn't duck when he went through the door....once his head was well and truly knocked he staggered around arms all flaying...until he managed to steady himself by holding onto a great big lever....which of course he pulled....as he did so alarm bells ran out....deafening everyone just as they'd regained their hearing....

The captain of the boat was out of his depth.

Allan suggested that they surface and call the AA, or the maritime version thereof.

Failing that, they could always ask for help from the several warships currently trying to hunt them down.

The captain had a vision of a very short naval career terminated by a one-sided discussion with the Admiral followed by a Board of Inquiry and quite possibly a court-martial.

Allan was wondering why the Captain kept calling him Jonah

OMG! If Allan is Jonah where is............

it's behind you........

Allan and his wife started to sing because, as is known by all, everyone sings in Wales

Every man sings in Wales not the women is nothing sacred these days?? :-D

It was all a tad fishy if you ask me all this Jonah stuff.

The problem with the singing was two fold first they were singing different songs and secondly neither could hold a tune.

The songs they were both singing were.........

Well, Allan was singing 'Nearer my Cod to thee' whilst his wife was singing 'There's no Plaice like home'

They might have both been better singing a duet such as 'Salmon enchanted evening'

This could cue the arrival of a trawler from Grimsby or, as a whale may be involved, a Japanese whaling...sorry a Japanese scientific research vessel

Nope openly a whaling ship again...

It was a Bermuda sloop coming to their rescue. Once on board Allan realized how old and leaky it was. People were shouting orders at them things to do with Jibs and rigging....he was all at sea this was unlike any cruise ship he'd ever been on....the one thing he did know though was they'd gone out of the frying pan into the fire....if they didn't bail out smartish they'd be on another sub.....Allan could only find a thimble OH though looked in her copious bag and......

.found the blowup dinghy she had liberated from a locker on the submarine.

But would she have enough time t blow it up and was it big enough for 2?

No worries she got Allan to tell her a story of his daring do's and all that hot air soon filled it up :-D As for big enough for two...poor Allan...it was only big enough for one BUT OH jumped in and with a smile on her face she tapped her lap coxing Allan to jump in.....Allan had other ideas.......

And as the waves moved the dinghy away a voice could be heard - getting fainter “Allan you..........

...but OH was the one with the special 'hold-it'all' bag.

Now what had she got that would help in their present situation.?


She peered into it's depths...................................