General Chat

On the subject of health visitors - a little tale... My Auntie is 88 and her youngest son has just turned 51. Auntie is still in touch with her health visitor, who is now blind and lives many miles away, so most contact is by phone. Auntie rings every Sunday to tell her when to switch on the television for Songs of Praise. They have remained firm friends for all those years.

You are the parents and you know your baby best. It is an eminently sensible idea to have these safety nets but it is annoying when we get stuck in them and yet there are children (in an area not far from where we live) who really need to be caught in them but slip through. My little girl was three weeks late (although according to the authorities she was not - I must just have the technique of delaying implantation just like the deer!) and weighed over nine pounds. That put her on the 91st centile and of course she did not stay there. I remember being lectured so often at baby clinic by the health visitor (and my husband was a GP in her practice!) that my little girl got the idea that being weighed was frightening and it took 18 months for us to eventually see a health visitor (at one of her routine development checks) who was the sort of star to persuade her to cooperate. There ARE some fabulous health professionals out there, when you find one hang onto them! Regards Abigail

Thank you all for your words of encouragement. I've known all along there was nothing wrong with him but this bl**dy annoys me. As someone said, with prem babies you usually go by their corrected age (ie when they SHOULD have been born), but she doesn't seem to take it into account at all. There's absolutely nothing wrong with him that time won't cure, and from now on I'll take no notice whatsoever. As someone said, he's the most precious thing in the world. He's given us a lot of heatrache and worry but so much happiness too. Incidentally he woke up this morning covered in spots, so is off to the docs this afternoon... chickenpox we thinks :S

Ive got 5 kids 4 of which were premature the last 2 at 30wks and 28 respectively. The health visitor kept saying that they were behind in their developement and though the last has some problems with coordination they are fine. They are on the more able and talented programs at school and Thomas who was born at 30 wks was given a special prize lat year for representing the scool in Maths,Science,football, hockey and athletics! They were also in the CNEP incubator trails which everyone was so worried about. The health visitor also was very insistant about giving me help to breast feed my last child even though I'd already fed the other four. A parent is the best person to know if their child has problems.

Hullo all, Iwould like to add that i was born in 1937 with a birthweight of 3lbs 2ozs, allegedly, my mum reckoned i was too ugly and wouldnt let any one look at me......but..some things never change....LOL

I agree with Frances and Jeanette

Hi Paul my youngest was 4 weeks early. She was always under weight and height according to those charts, but her head was apparently off the Richter scale! (She gets it off her dad who we call Spacehopper Head!) She didn't walk or get her first tooth til she was 14 months. She's now 7 and one of the youngest in her class. She got a grade 3 in her sats last year. I've just been to parents evening and she has a spelling age of 11 years and 8 months and a reading age of 101/2. Not bad considering she's nearly a year younger than some of her classmates. Question: Can you sack your health visitor? Jeanette

paul with prem babies you normally count their milestones going by the date they SHOULD have been born not when they were born...and as everyone has said all children are different and he will catch up by the time he goes to school anyway my son was fullterm but had group b meningitis and so was very ill (not expected to live) but he did most things at roughly the "right" age my daughter was born early by about 4 weeks , so not considered "premature" and she did things at roughly the "right" time too however health visitors etc always try to worry you, the best thing to do is just get on with life and enjoy your son... lou

Paul, My twins were born at 35 wks weighing 4lbs 8oz and 5lbs 10oz, not bad weights for twins ONLY 5 weeks early. However they were in special care for 13 nights, both needed help at the begining. When the boys were weighed my Hv always took into account their 5wks prem and marked their books 5 wks early for firstyr or was it 2, this allowed them to catch up as it were. At their 18mths checkup it was discovered they were both behind, though it was described as developmentally delayed!!! They went to a special nursery at 2 and stayed there till they were four, when it was decided to swap them to mainstream nursery as it would do them more good. By the time they started school, a mth before their 5 th birthday both boys were considered within the average band and were discharged from speech therapy. Neither of my boys are gonna be the brains of Britain, but thats fine by me. Both are doing well in school and neither is is bottom group, for which I am pleased( though I'd love them just as much if they were) Nathan even managed to do the top exam last yr and he passed it so was really pleased by that. My husband also suffers from dyslexia so am constantly watching the 4 kids for it. I too have countless arguments with my health visitor ( who i might add has children but her daughter is anow a teacher so it was a while ago) This includes one in the middle of the high street when the boys were small, over the way i was feeding them in their pushchair. It was wrong but i had to go shopping at some point.. I think the moral of this story is to follow your instincts, parents insticts are not often wrong Shelli

my son was 26 weeks baby 15 yrs ago. he was a bit slow at 1st but he was the 1st to walk and the one with teeth. and my mate full time baby still had not done any of the thing paul had done the only thing he was slow with was food and he could not read untill late but he was born with blood on the brain. but now he is 5ft7in and born he was 9in and he 7 stone and born he was 1lb 8oz. they soon pick up and will be the same when he go to school.

Paul Ask your health visitor if she has children - if not it is probably another "text book expert" and they really do my tree in - All children are special but prem babies are even more so as they have to "fight" harder to survive than a full term baby - Don't worry what she says - Just cherish every moment and development as the next time you turn around baby will be at school (4yrs past) then turn around again they will be starting senior school (11 yrs past) and then before you know it they are working (18 yrs past ) and you will be saying to yourself where has time gone? My advice is and I re -itterate Cherish time now - Baby will shine in something and leave these "Text book experts" well behind. regards Tracy

I agree it is extremelly annoying when 'experts' follow a 'tick list'. My eldest was 6lb 4 when she was born, 2 weeks 'late'. Her sister born 30 months later was 5lb 12 and a week 'early'. I regularly took them for their check ups, was constantly being told with the eldest to watch her weight. With the younger, every time I went they said she wasn't heavy enough for her age. I compared their weight cards at 20 months - the younger, 'under weight' child was heavier than her allegedly 'overweight' sister at the same age! Obviously the goal posts change depending on the thoughts of the current 'experts'. I never took her again! Zoe, I was born 6 weeks early in 1956. All they did then was put you in an incubator to see if you survived. I have an IQ of 159 - see what 2 weeks does for you!!!!

Paul Who wants a stereotype baby anyway, they all have their own personality, and will all develop in there own time,as long as he is healthy, dont worry.

hi paul i too was a prem weighing just over 3lbs,i was really daignty and small,they gave me 24hrs to live and blah blah but im a healthy adult with 3children of my own.got size 6 feet and am 5ft 6 so things change.you'l know in yourself any concerns for your child. half the health visitors these days dnt even have children of their own.your ancestors raised their children with out such people.you sound like your a happy family unit..as a prem il vouch you catch up what your lacking at the time.best wishes for your futures.cherie.x

Paul, It can be frustrating. My daughter is twelve next month, she has had a few problems, but her sunny nature always shines through. Prefering a bottle to a cup is common in most young children and being clumsy can happen to anyone. Premature or not. As you say by the time they are five they normally catch up and then you will be wondering where the time went and what were you worrying about. Just remember enjoy your son while he is growing up and dont wish away his days. They grow up far to quick. Keep smiling and try not to worry too much. Jo

Unfortunately with me it's the other way around, I rmember the useless trivia and forget the important stuff lol

oh no Paul - I'm the scattiest person around. obviously too much clever stuff going on up there that I'm not aware of pushing the little stuff out of the way

Thanks Zoe, am glad you agree with me. IQ of 158 eh ? not a divv at all then lol

Paul, I was born 8 weeks premature in 1974. My mum apparently had a stand up row with the health visitor who said I wasn't growing fast enough and I had to be woken every two hours and if necessary force fed (by this time I was sleeping through) My mum told her that I was clever enough to let her know if I was hungry, to which the health visitor replied if I wasn't getting my nourishment properly I wouldn't develop correctly and I'd most likely be "slow". I'm now fully grown with an IQ of 158 and my mum's only regret is that if she'd fed me as much as she was told and I'd developed more I could have been a proper genius. If you and your partner are happy with baby's progress, then that's what counts.

Yes thats what I thought too, all children develop at their own pace, and premature babies more so. Can take up to the age of 5 to catch up according to the literature we were given. He's a little clumsy with his hands still, is very slim (but is on 25th centile, so not TOO small) and apart from preferring a bottle to a cup still I really don't see the problem. He's running around and playing like any other toddler, he's begining to communicate fairly well, new words every week. I guess really I'm just frustrated at the HV's lack of common sense.