General Chat

Does anyone have short term memory loss AFTER major surgery? My husband has just had 'a go' at me because I cannot remember whose christening we are going to today. My 'memory' has been this bad for ony two years now. His mother died from Alzheimers Disease and I am sure much of his anger is based on the fear that I am going the same way. I know I am not. So please, are there any members who have had the same problem after major surgery? I could show him your replies, it may help. Denise,Manchester

My husband has the same problem after suffering a stroke in July 2002, thankfully he is better than he was . For the first year his memory was extremely bad, to the point that he would constantly ask me things that I had already answered several times, he would walk off in the middle of a conversation, because he would just forget that someone was talking to him, etc. He still has the problem, but to a much lesser extent, it is most noticeable when he's tired or stressed. He has been told that he will always have the problem, WE just have to cope with it or live with it whichever is the most suitable word to use. No disrespects to your husband, because I know how frustrating it can be, his reactions to you and the memory loss, will to some extent determine how bad your memory will be (if you see what I mean), if he gets stressed, or upset, you will try too hard and things will get worse. My husband started back to work nearly three weeks ago, on a six month scheme for the disabled at our local hospital, he is very happy, a bit of his confidence is coming back, but he still writes EVERYTHING down, tells me things I have to remind him, etc. I could go on for ever here, if you want email me, you or your husband. Hope things get better. Love, M.

Hello Denise - I have never had major surgery (fortunately) so I cannot really comment. However, I do understand your husband's concerns though. My hubbie's brother developed Alzheimer's at 55 (which is not old in my book) and I know that my hubby really worries that he might develop the disease himself - if he forgets the slightest thing I can tell he's thinking "oh God, is this the start". Alzheimer's Disease is a dreadful dreadful wasting disease, and so many talented people who could have contributed so much to humanity have been struck down with it. Having watched my brother-in-law deteriotate for 10 years, I would not wish the disease on anyone (I have heard it referred to as a "living death") That describes it exactly I think. On a lighter note, my own short term memory is terrible - I often find myself in a room and wondered why I had entered it - eventually I will remember (possibly 3 hours later!!) We all have so much to remember and deal within our lives that it's understandable if sometimes the memory goes blank - I find that if I write things down I remember them much easier than just trying to store everything "upstairs" - now, that's a point, I've just remembered what all those little bits of paper are, all over the house. LOL. Chin up girl, when you get to the church the Vicar will surely announce the name of the child wont he/she? All will then be revealed. Best wishes - Jacqui

Denise, one thing I would like to add, and again this is not meant in a nasty way to your husband, but why doesn't he take over the remembering for a while. As I've said my husband relied heavily on me for this and still does, but at least your husband will know things are running smoothly, you will be more relaxed and so there will be less anxiety for the both of you and less conflict too. Have a good day today. M.

Hi Morfydd, Thank you for your reply. Like your husband I write EVERYTHING down even my calender is full of all sorts of information, it has to be because I cannot remember litte things. I could tell you all about my family tree I have on Genes so my memory is not THAT bad. The ability to put yourself in someone elses shoes is VERY hard I know. So you must be as anxious as my husband at times. I will admit to Alzheimers if need be, I know the symptoms only too well, but this is defiantely not the time. The only argument my husband will have is that your husband had a stroke, whereas mine was major surgery, but I can but try. Thanks again Morfydd, Denise

Hi Jacquline, Stay on a lighter note, my husband has just phoned his sister to find out the name and sex of the child, its worse than we thought, there are three of them being christened at the same time, all from our family. Even his sister does not know the names or sexes. Its a distant relative, that probaly thought of us at the last minute. lol. Denise

Denise, my fear was that my husband had MS, because his Grandfather, Mother and two Aunties had it, he didn't worry about that though, or so he said, but doctors assured us it was not that. One thing Denise, memory loss is memory loss no matter how one acquires it, whether through surgery, stroke, accident, whatever, it still has the same effects on sufferer, family and friends. I have had visual impairment from birth and I know people who have it due to other reasons, but we are all just as visually impaired no matter how we got there. If your husband wants to moan to someone who knows, tell him to email me and the same goes for you, email my hubby, we'll start our own moaners club. One thing we learned to do, it took time though, but really helps, learn to laugh at it. Sounds easy, no it isn't, took us ages, you'll get there. M.

Denise, I know someone who has had surgery to have a tumour from his brain and now has difficulty with his short term memory, he forgets the names of everyday objects. Although he finds it frustrating at times, he has been told that his memory will return. He now faces an operation for another smaller tumour and jokes that he will have to get a t-shirt with his name on in case he forgets that this time! Sue

My husband had a terrible time after I had brain surgery. That was 11yrs ago, I was 28 and had 2 small children at school, I still have some problems now. I used to have little alarm clocks set to go off to alert me to my list of things to remember. Before this I set the kitchen on fire, stored stupid amounts of certain foods. Get lost and forget where I was going. Couldn't remember names of things and everything was called "thingy" I still am if I get tired, nervous or cold. The kids took advantage of it because I couldn't remember if I had said yes or no! This is just a small sample of things I did! It was very hard but we did get through it, hubby even does the shopping now! Something I thought he would never do and he's better than I ever was! I do, do shopping on the web now as long as I can just put it in my "basket" I have bought all sorts of strange things when I had to write numbers down because I get letters and numbers muddled up! I'm sure you will get through, it all takes time and a bit of patience. My hubby was really cross with me and I was with myself and I spent years on anti depressents. You both have to understand what is going on and work together at it. I wish you loads of luck, better health and best wishes, love Jo

Jo, we set alarms on my husband's mobile to remind him to do things, only thing is he turns off the alarm and still forgets to do what he was supposed to. He also developed different names for things, we have just continued using those 'funny' names, part of the learning to laugh at it process. It's not an easy path to tread for sufferer or family, but it gets easier when you stop feeling so stressed about it. M.

Morfyd, I used to still forget! The list I had I used to cross things out as it went along, sometimes I would forget to cross it off or cross too many things off!! My husband used to work SHIFTS (thats better!) but he had to go on days to try and keep a routine for me. I'm not as bad as I used to be still have bad weeks. I cant go out on my own incase I get "lost" and I also lost my sense of perception. So I cant tell how fast traffic is going etc and get in a muddle when there are lots of things happening around me. The strangest thing I remember all sorts of strange things that know one else can and often "things" come to me in my sleep! I do agree it's better to laugh at it but it is hard to start to do that.

Dear ,dear friends who have replied, At last he is having a laugh at SOME of things you have written. I think he feels alone, and like all men tries to carry the burden alone. Getting back to a lighter note,(sorry cann't remember which friend it is), the mobile phone----mine are 'post it' stuck on the the front door or any door that needs to be, cupboards doors are full of them. Best of it is, I dont need a 'post it' to remind me to switch on my computer..lol Denise

My husband used to forget where he was going too and would get on any bus, that's better, thankfully. One thing that still bothers him, when he goes to bed, he says, it's like his brain comes alive and he has loads of thoughts whizzing round his head, again worse if his memory has been bad for a few days. It's a vicious circle really, because he then gets more tired and memory gets worse. Another thing now though, I can leave him to cook on his own more, he used to have habit of putting gas on, forgetting and walking off. M.

Dear Jo in Yarm, In your reply to Morfydd you certainly proved you have a bad memory when you cannot spell the word SHIFT. I have never laughed so much in my life. Good for you. Denise

Hi Morfydd, You were right in your first reply, I think I will keep in touch, the more you talk about your husbands problem the more I connect. I cannot sleep for quite a few nights in a row, my brain goes fifty to the dozen as soon as close my eyes. Its only after a few days of sleepless nights that I get a really good nights sleep. Denise

Hi William, Welcome to the ??????? club, if I could remember its name.

Denise - just been out to get the sunday paper - Mail on Sunday - and guess what? there is an article in there "Why am I losing my short-term memory? The reply is by "Britain's top integrated health expert" (whatever that is!) If you have time before the Christening nip off and get a copy - would precis it for you on here but it's too long and besides I cannot fully understand it - lol Something to do with the female cycle - the answers seem to be reduce stress (easier said than done!), avoid coffee and excess salt - give up yeast products such as bread (if only I could) Marmite (but that keeps the mosquitos away - I read that yesterday!), pizza, pasta and beer (so what will I live on?) avoid fizzy water, radishes, chickpeas (?), kidney beans, broccoli stalks, cauliflower and asparagus (as these all increase the production of gas - wind, I presume!). If you can remember all that girl, you're a better woman than me and there is absolutely NOTHING wrong with your memory. I might consider taking this expert's advice, as fortunately he did not mention giving up chips! All the best - Jacqui

Dear Jacqui, What on earth is that fella wafflerling on about? Coffee.....one a day salt.......very reduced because of hubbies high blood pressure. bread....one slice a day, if that. Marmite....dont eat it. pizza.....probably once a month. pasta......ooooh about twice a week beer....ughs,never. fizzy water....no radishes.......no chickpeas.....no kidney beans...no chickpeas......no broccoli....once a week cauliflower.....once a week asparagus......no So, what is this nutter trying to tell me? Never heard such a lot of twaddle in my life. He got paid for that.

Hi Denise I've noticed my short term memory has got worse since I had my kids. They were both ceasarians so I don't know if that has anything to do with it or if it's just that I have so much to remember. The other day I ran a bath full of cold water. I shouted my hubby to come up to the bathroom and told him there must be something wrong with the boiler cos the water was cold. We tested the taps in the sink and they were fine. He put the taps on in the bath again and told me they were fine. After a very heated debate it turned out that somebody - nobody's owning up - had switched the H and the C over on the taps. There's no wonder I'm losing the plot! Jeanette ps. He calls me Audrey Roberts and I call him Richard!

Hello Denise and to your 'hubby' My sister has short term memory loss, she knows it and finds it so frustrating. It is literally a case of 'in one ear and out the other' It's wonderful for me, I can tell her all my secrets and she promptly forgets them!!! She had been 'absent-minded' for some time, and then collapsed with a urininary infection, was taken to hospital, whereupon she announced 'she didn't like this pub and wanted to go home' She is constantly cheerful and I love her to bits. The intriguing thing to me and I wonder if anyone else has come across it - Betty will perhaps visit me, and after being here for just a day, she thinks that she has been here 2-3 weeks.(Perhaps I just make it seem that long!!! lol) It seems as if 'time' is compressed for her. In the evening of a day that she has been out, that day out seems to have happened some time previously. I would love to be able to understand it - the nearest I can think of is that the brain cells that would normally measure time for her have died. Anyone else got any ideas? Norah