General Chat

my little boy is just seven years old and he has asked what 'gay means'. i had to briefly explain beacause of things that are being said at his school. i am sorry i can not advise you about 'the birds and bees' because i to will be asking for the same advise as you when he is your little boys age. from sympathetic mum julie (warrington, england)

My son is three and my wife and I have told him about the facts of life already. I am serious! After trying for children for quite a while I went to the doctors and found out that my sperm count was zero. It's a long story but donor sperm was used to creat Reuben. We thought it was important that he never remembered when we first told him about it. He knows that daddy was poorly before he was born and so the doctors helped us make him. That's the birds and the bees from a different angle I suppose.

my mum told me nothing,i found out in sex education at school,then i went home and told mum what i had learned,she just said:that's right,now you know it's wrong before you are married!! i never married my sons father,i brought him up on my own, of course mum was shocked,he's 27 now,so i think she got over it!!!!!!!! i remeber asking my dad when i was little were did i come from,he said he found me under a cabbage leaf at the bottom of the garden!!! chris.

Well, I got educated last night! I put my 7 year old little pal to bed, and he told me how Mummys tell if their babies are boys or girls--apparently, the doctor x-rays their winkles, if their are bones in the winkle, it's a boy, if not it's a girl! Hmm...a little worrying!...with older brothers around, and constant questions, we kind of thought he had his facts straight! On a serious note, I have always (apart from this one little hiccup!) found the best way to handle this is answer the questions as they come up. They will only ask what they want to know, so you don't need to tell it all at once, just drip-feed it as the questions come along. Clare Rayner's 'The Body Book' is excellent, but look it through first as some pics are a bit graphic for very sensitive kids. Make as little fuss as possible, don't be embarrassed and always emphasise that sex is part of a loving relationship. It really isn't that hard to discuss the body parts, etc once you've done it a couple of times! Believe me, the questions eventually go beyond embarrrassing--I once had to explain test tube babies to four VERY attentive infants. Not happy with a basic explanation, i was made to go into FULL detail--like how the sperm gets into the test tube, etc!

I knew my 9 yr old son had just had some form of sex lesson when he came home from school and the correct word for willy was brought up at every possible oppotunity. He thought it was funny for a few days then forgot about it. He is now 10 and will be told about everything as and when the question is brought up. I chickend out of telling my daughter and let her phone one of those help lines in a womans magazine and said listen to that if you have any questions ask me after. I think she was 12 or so. As she started to get interested in boys I then told her in a bit more detail but more about the emotional stuff as she already knew the mechanics. Like if they say they love you dont belive them, or everyone does it....NOOOOOOOOOO they dont. And any thing else along those lines. One of the funniest incidence's was when we all had to go to see the practise nurse at our new doctors for a family medical, and the nurse asked one son how old he was, he was 18 at the time, "got a girlfriend? then get your condoms from here, ect, ect." The poor lad was mortified, I dont think he ever went back. Maggie

Hiya my little 9 yr niece said to me Antie sandra i have 2 hairs on my tuppence i said oh have you sweathert she said i am not bothered as long has they dont go grey blesss

I was told nothing as a child...and in that sort of atmosphere somehow I was afraid to ask!!!! Always be open and honest with your children. Be prepared to answer all questions simply and in proper language. If they don't ask you can always bring the subject up yourself, little by little. Never make them afraid to ask ANYTHING and never fudge or lie. Heck...whats to be embarrassed about???? We are talking basic human behaviour here!!! No big secrets!!! Don't forget about love and commitment. And if you don't want to leave it to outsiders to give them a warped image.....TELL THEM YOURSELF! To a child, its a miracle that clouds float in the sky. The facts of life ain't nothing in comparison! And tell them before they're 10 - after that they get HUGELY EMBARRASSED!!! Lulu's and tassles by the way LOL!!!

At one time I was chair of our Community and Police Liaison Committee which included a Youth Outreach Worker. I personally was apalled when she handed in a report of her and her partner's activities which had included spending time at a Community Centre dance, in the girl's toilets, showing underage girls how to put a condom on a cucumber....with their mouths. Surely I am not the only person to find that an inappropriate way for our children to receive sex education.

I have, too, had a giggle about some of the things on here and have a few funny stories to tell, wouldn't know what to call the thread so if some one wants to come up with one, I'll add! On a serious note, some sad tales and children do need to be children. It is all gone, far too quickly. Our life isn't like that and our babes grows up far to quick. We have so many words for the same things! Depending on the child and what they have asked and how you feel about saying, depends on your answers. I was never told anything as a child and thought I was dieing when I started my periods! I thought I would be able to talk to my children freely, when the time came I found it SO hard. I answered simply to start with and when I felt they were old enough I sat and spoke to them. Said if they needed anymore advice just to ask. When they were older I really went over the emotional side of things, that always seems to get left out and is really what is the most important! Good luck to you, I know it will me my third time soon and I'm dreading it!

Kylie, far from being offended I've had quite a giggle at some of the stories - not the serious ones though. My son had that same leaflet and I thought it was far too explicit at their age - there was no need for it at all. One day when he was quite young, he said 'mum, you know I came out of your tummy in October?' ... er, yes ... 'well when did I actually START being in your tummy? I thought that was a pretty smart question, even though I wasn't looking forward to the explanation, but I told him the month and he just said 'okay'. But we just used to answer the questions as truthfully as we could without making a drama out of it. We did buy quite a good book as well, an Usborne book called 'Growing Up' and told him that he could read it and we'd answer any questions .... but there never were any!

My 8 year old asked me when he was about 5 "where do babies come from" and I just told him that daddy has a fish and mummy has an egg and the fish and the egg make the baby grow. He's still fairly satisfied with that and has never asked me how the fish gets tot he egg. Yet!! We were watching a programme recently in which there was a real birth moment. My 4 year old daughter looked very shocked and said "where did that baby just come from?" So I told her it came from the mummies minnie and she was gobsmacked. Now she knows that all babies come out of mummies minnies and usually only babies in trouble come out of the tummy. She tells everyone who will listen now. Lol Pam

It's funny that you started this thread because ive just had the same conversation with my 8 year old, she wanted to know about babies and where they come from, she was happy with the "special cuddle" explanation so i left it at that, but then she (after a few days pondering what id said) wanted to know if my period was anything to do with babies! So ive done it all now, I was as honest as possible with her and she seems happy enough! In fact she said "Oh" and "errr" a few times and then said could she watch "Spy Kids" so thats that for now!

Kylie, Can't remember at what age I was but my mum and dad had a book which I remember reading, about a couple having a baby and it included the intercourse part with pictures (drawn not actual pictures!) it was a loving thing that i remember lots and lots of drawn pictures of sperm etc and then her pregnant tummy at all the different stages of growth and then having the baby. I was never surprised or embarassed at school as I already knew about it but the book portrayed it as having sex to have babies, for no other reason and only if loving relationship. It focused on having baby not just the sex part. Now I remember I think it was when my mum was pregnant with my sister, i must have only been 3 or 4. I think books are the best way and am surprised about the suggestions in some of the leaflets mentioned here! Wouldn't want a child of mine to know those words, although different if a boy. We also used to call girls bits minnie's and boy's bits winkies. zoë

Hi Elaine i've just read some of your comments on this thread, my youngest is now 16, and i wouldn't have wanted that sort of information given to my kids at 10yrs old. have people gone completely over the top, by all means give the basic birds and bees, but let our kids have their childhood and innocence they grow to quickly as it is. i feel for you and the other parents that have found this out in your school . take care sandra

I think there are so many do-gooders in the government & society, who want to raise adult issues with children. Ok they must be sexually aware these days so they can tell someone if another person has touched them in a sexual way. They must know that there will be changes to their body & not to worry as it is normal. But leave certain sex acts until they are grown & mature enough to be thinking of them. If I catch my son (9) having a fiddle with his bits, all I say is, can you do that in private? Not say hands off its dirty to touch ! Almost all kids explore themselves naturely.whether they realise it or not. ( son doesnt realise what he is doing when absently mindedly fiddling ! ) as long as kids know the basics then the rest will follow nwturally at a later age ! Elaine x

Elaine Oh Gawd! a mirror. If I told my little girl that she would be carrying one everywhere. We used to call it a mary and willy, but Both Son and Daughter just call them privates at the moment. Mind you Ben my 5 year old started calling his two thingys Knuckles. He came crying to me a little while a go saying someone had hit him in the Knuckles. so of course I picked his hand up and gave his knuckles a kiss and he said no not those Knuckles. I thought that was quite a good name for them. Poor girl only nine shes only a child and to start at that age. I think thats really sad. I think mine were about 13 my mum never told me about things. only what I picked up in the playground and one evening Mum was at work and I started so went out on my bike to the boy down the road, and he went in the chemist for me as I was so scared. I was scared about telling mum too. but she found out the next day cause the big sanitary towels didnt flush. She didnt tell me off. LOL

Hi Debbie A girl in Kyles class, ( nearly 9) started her period last week. Her mum started hers early & apparently the support from the school is brilliant. So obviously children do need to know the basics for their own good & protection. They do need to know when it is wrong for someone to touch them & when it is right. We have called their "bits" by pet names. Kyle has a "winkie" (a wee willy winkie ) diddnt call it willy as a lot of kids are called william today....He does laugh now when I call it that so must know its real name now !!:o) Connie has a "minnie" Both will naturally learn the real names as they get older. I forgot to mention, In the Girls pamplet, they are encouraged to put a mirror underneath their bits to have a look ! Elaine x

Elaine No offense taken, that is awful I cant believe they use these sort of words at that age. I went to the library and they suggested a book but I wouldnt let my 8 year old daughter read it as like your sons leaflet it had all sorts of words in it that I didnt think was suitable. My little one keeps asking and I want to tell her the proper names for the the men and womens privates. Do you think I should tell her the womans as I think its a horrible name for it the mans is not so bad. But again if she knows she is the sort to go and brag in the playground. I have tried to explain about periods as she has seen what I use and she also walked in on me. I told her it was a peiod and she thought I had said Pyramid, so that is what we call them at the moment. Debbie

Hi Kylie My son was 9 in march and in year 4, and so far he knows a little about the Birds & bees. He knows that a mans bits fit in a ladys bits & they have a special cuddle. This makes a baby. If he asks me I will answer him as honestly as I can according to his age. The other week, year 5 had their talk on the birds & the bees. They saw a film about body changes ( some I think was in cartoon form ) They were also given a pamphlet which had cartoon pictures & had about masturbation ( the word w***ing in brackets !! ) also on this subject semen ( the word S***k in brackets)how to perform this act on yourself & saying it was alright to do it with a partner !!!!! I'm no prude, & I dont want my son or daughter to have hang ups about their bodies. But I feel at the tender age of 10, they should be told the mechanics of sex & the importance of a loving relationship around that. Maybe this extra info would be more acceptable at age 12-13 years. However how can I exclude my son from those lessons, only to hear it second hand in the playground? Sorry If ive offended anyone as this is not my intention. Elaine x

Hi KYLIE when my five started asking i told them the basics, they were all around this age. I used a book call janet and john can't remember the author,youngest is 16 now, but alot of book shops will have sex education books the basics for kids or the library. i also got a book on the womens body for my girls which takes them from birth to the menapause. so like all us mums we have to start somewhere good luck sandra