General Chat

Hi Lynda, You were both obviously ment for each other, so it will hurt when remembering, but rest assured, you will be together again. Meanwhile, talk to him, ask his opinion,laugh and cry with him, he will be with you, wherever you go. He is just a thought away. God bless. xx

Lynda, I have emailed you! with my thoughts! hugs, lindyxx

Lynda, I can't and don't want to imagine what it must be like to lose your husband. I know how awful it felt when mine suffered a stroke two years ago. I lost my Nan 17 years ago and that still hurts, not as much as it did, because I can now think of her and smile, and I think of her often every day. I talk to her a lot too and I feel her presence around me and that is such a comfort. Take each day as it comes, you'll know when the time is right to sort everything out. Like everyone I'm sending you loads of love and loads of hugs. M.

Lynda. You are a very brave and special lady, to put your thoughts and feelings so that others can read it, is a very intimate thing to do and you have lots of guts to do it. Others have said so much, and people say that time is a healer, well it is in a way as you have to live day by day. I lost my best friend, my Mum, 3 years ago in September, in fact it was 4 days before my birthday, and I miss her everyday. As has been said special days are the hardest, mothers day, birthdays, xmas and new year and especially wedding anniversarys in my case, as both Mum and Dad and Phil and I all share the same day, which was 9 days after she died. Next year Phil and I will be celebrating our 25th and I shall find it hard as it would of been Mum and Dads 47th. We shall hopefully be having a party but the day will be tainted with sadness. But as you say, friends around us and especially on here, help us to live our lives with happy thoughts when we are down. Take care and I am deeply honoured that you shared your feelings with us. Helen

Dear Lynda. Treasure your letters and notes they are a porthole of the past. My Dad died 18 yrs ago and my mother gave all dads "special things" to my brother, so all I had were the memories of him. A year ago my mother died and when clearing her flat 2 letters written by my dad almost 50 yrs ago were found. Dad had written them while mum was in hospital for some minor op. and these letters were full of what I had been up to, I cried buckets when I read them and still do, but will treasure these letters for ever. God bless you and take care Lynn

lynda you will know when to let go of your hubbys things he left with you, and remember you dont have to get rid of it all. you dont have to get rid of any of it, keep what you would feel happy keeping. my mum died 10 years ago, on her favourite day of christmas, christmas eve, we still cry, poor dad, they were in their late 50s when he lost her, he still talks to her, i have heard him, he has kept going with the love he has for us and his grandchildren, and he knows we need and love him. All dates will be difficult, its only 9 months for you lynda. Dad finds xmas eve,day and boxing day,all hard, him and mum got engaged boxing day,they were married nearly 36 years, recently i went to a medium who gave me the confirmation i wanted, i had stayed open minded until (as i told a different medium weeks previously) i get her name as proof. I got it, and when i asked a question about if mum could see dad and her son in law and grandson and watched over us all, (as my dad recently made holes in his grass so my hubby and son could tap a golf ball round in the sun) me and dad sat on patio watching them both, and i thought at time, if only she could see them and how grown up our boy is and our daughter. sorry i wandered off subject a bit then. well the medium gave me another name, in answer to my question, my hubbys name and discribed my hubby accurately, she said which one of these three men are suffering from aches, my daughter and myself laughed and said all three.well i felt then as i had got the proof that mum is still watching us all I wish i hadnt relayed this to dad though as he misses her terrible, and though he likes to think shes watching him and maybe sits beside him as he stays near us, he asked me with a tear in his eye how the medium knew mums name, i have to admit i gulped to hold back the tears and tried to gently stear away from the subject. lynda just go at your own pace, if you want to cry dont worry about others just do it if you want a chat, we are all here. best wishes julie

Julie Than you for your reply. I am sitting here with a coffee quietly reading the boards. I think that i have been worried about that final letting go, and felt I was putting it off, also concerned that I would not know when I was ready. All the messges have made me surer in my own mind, that i will know, so will allow myself that time. There is much that i will hang onto, things like notes and other mementoes I shall always keep. I am glad that you found comfort through a medium, don't know I would have the courage to that. I'm not ready for that, and not sure If I could. Thank you again Lynda x

lynda dont feel you have to let go. i cried to my daughter a few weeks back that it seems to be with me everyday, i wish i could let go of mum and accept it, i think we just learn to live with it, it has got a bit easier lately but, i still think of mum everyday. seeing people like yourself and my dad, i just want to be able to help you all. feel free to chat julie

Lynda, I think that you need to do things like clothes clearing only when it feels right for you, not because somebody else felt better doing it straight away. When my Mum died in January I decided that it would be nice to have a Memorial or rather a Celebration in August for her. By then I thought that I would be able to stand up and talk about her without ending up in tears, but only yesterday I realized that I don't think that the time is right. my good friend advised me to leave it longer not to go ahead just because I had mentioned it to people. So far I have not even made it up to Scotland since the funeral- maybe that tells me something too? It is lovely that you have the letters and even if they do make you cry they are so important, part of the happy life together, and being able to talk to people and share this is a huge thing. Take care Isobel x

Lynda, I am so sorry that yesterday was not a good day for you, I hope that today is easier. My friend has a large box in which she put things like letters, cards and even his favorite jacket. She found that by doing this it made it a little bit easier to sort through all the remaining things. Love and big hugs to you Sue:-)

Thank you Isobel. I know that I am moving forwards rather than backwards and I will Allow myself that time. The local Martlets Hospice had lovely service of rememberence last Christms, which I went to. It wasn't easy but I was so glad I went. They are having a remembering day in June which I shall go to, They have been wonderful and it's lovely to feel included. I m sorry to hear but your mother, I hope the day in August will help you. Everywhere you look, there are other folk going through it and all findingtheir own ways of coping! Lynda

Lynda, I think everything that could be has been said. I just felt I wanted to offer you my support. it is early days yet, don't get rid of anything until you feel it is time. My friend's husband, a very good friend of ours for over 40 years, died very suddenly 7 years ago. She still keeps some of his clothes in the wardrobe. and cry if you need to tears do heal. I can only imagine the desolation of losing your husband - I have been married 44 years and the thought is horrendous to me, I think you are doing well. I can relate to the death of a loved one as my Mum died very suddenly 10 years ago, (a month before their diamond wedding, and she was so looking forward to the big family party that she had planned), and I still go to phone her and tell her about things. (se was 85 and very active)My Dad died on Christmas day 2001, but he was 93 and ready to go to sleep which is wha he did. It is sad not to have hime, but didn't leave us with that unfinished feeling. You are in my thoughts Ann Glos

Hi Lorr Thanks so much for that. Yes I do feel better today, I know as I'm sure you do, that these days will come and go, thankfully not as often as they did. Had lunch with my Mother today and was laughing at some of the things my Hubby would say. He loved to laugh and I know would expect me to continue for him. I Would like to thank everyone who sent me those lovely messages and thoughts, and hope you all have a great evening. Lynda xxx

Lynda Something I read today is so true! Friends are the family you choose for yourself. We are your friends and friends always care! Thinking of you with love. Linda x

Hi Lynda you sound alot brighter today, i amso please you had agood day yesterday, we will all be here for both, honey, have a good day today hugs sent to you sandra STEVE in CANADA its sunny in kent today, where about in brighton did your grandparents come from, i grew up there and come from a very large family which are still there. sandra

Linda Thank you, they were lovely words from you. Everyone is so kind. Stephen Thank you too, the weather here is good at present, we have had some rain though. Sorry to her your weather is bad, hope it cheers up. Fancy your Grandparents coming from here, are you doing any family history in Brighton.? Gaynor and Sandra Your very sweet, I am feeling better. I can be feeling ok one minute then bang it hits you again!! I spoke to my SIL last night, she lives in Wales. I think as it's almost coming up to a year now and we are both feeling it. I think I shall be relieved when this year is behind me, I don't mean that in a merecenary way, he is always in my thoughts. Thanks all of you Lynda xx

Hi Lynda, Just wondering if you are feeling ok and that everything is alright? Helen