General Chat

Excellent Christine! Lol! Night... Pam

Why it's SO much better to be a Woman! 1. We got off the Titanic first. 2. We get to flirt with systems support men who always return our calls, and are nice to us when we blow up our computers. 3. Our boyfriend's clothes make us look elfin & gorgeous. Guys look like complete idiots in ours. 4. We can be groupies. Male groupies are stalkers. 5. We can cry and get off speeding fines. 6. We've never lusted after a cartoon character or the central female figure in a computer game. 7. Taxis stop for us. 8. Men die earlier, so we get to cash in on the life insurance. 9. We don't look like a frog in a blender when dancing. 10. Free drinks, Free dinners, Free movies ... (you get the point). 11. We can hug our friends without wondering if she thinks we're gay. 12. We can hug our friends without wondering if WE'RE gay. 13. New lipstick gives us a whole new lease on life. 14. It's possible to live our whole lives without ever taking a group shower. 15. We don't have to fart to amuse ourselves. 16. If we forget to shave, no one has to know. 17. We can congratulate our team-mate without ever touching her butt. 18. If we have a zit, we know how to conceal it. 19. We never have to reach down every so often to make sure our privates are still there. 20. If we're dumb, some people will find it cute. 21. We don't have to memorize Caddyshack or Fletch to fit in. 22. We have the ability to dress ourselves. 23. We can talk to people of the opposite sex without having to picture them naked. 24. If we marry someone 20 years younger, we're aware that we look like an idiot. 25. Our friends won't think we're weird if we ask whether there's spinach in our teeth. 26. There are times when chocolate really can solve all your problems. 27. We'll never regret piercing our ears. 28. We can fully assess a person just by looking at their shoes. 29. We know which glass was ours by the lipstick mark. 30. We have enough sense to realize that the easiest way to get out of being lost is to ask for directions Christine

Nice one pam :-) Yay!! i've got internet back on at work...only prob is..i'm at work :-(

Pam, brilliant! Darren, loved the shower one. thanks to all contributors, going to copy all of them. Tricia

Subject: SOMETHING TO OFFEND JUST ABOUT EVERYONE What's the difference between a girlfriend and wife? 45 lbs. What's the difference between a boyfriend and a husband? 45 mins. What is it when a man talks dirty to a woman? Sexual Harassment. What is it when a woman talks dirty to a man? £3.99 a minute. How can you tell if your wife is dead? The sex is the same, but the dishes pile up. How can you tell if your husband is dead? The sex is the same, but you get the remote control. What's a blonde's favourite nursery rhyme? Humpme Dumpme. How many men does it take to change a light bulb? None, they just sit there in the dark and complain. What's the fastest way to a man's heart? Through his chest with a sharp knife. Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring and good-looking? Because those men already have boyfriends. What is a man's view of safe sex? A padded headboard. How do men sort their laundry? Filthy" and "Filthy but Wearable" What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog? After a year, the dog is still excited to see you. What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying? The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving. What do you call a smart blonde? A golden retriever. Who is the most popular guy at the nudist colony? The guy who can have a cup of coffee in each hand and still carry a dozen doughnuts. Who is the most popular woman at the nudist colony? The woman who ate the last doughnut. What is the difference between a battery and a man? A battery has a positive side. A brunette, a blonde and a redhead are all in year 10. Who has the biggest breasts? The blonde, because she's 18. Do you know why they call it the Wonder Bra? When you take it off, you wonder where the breasts went. Do you know the punishment for bigamy? Two mothers-in-law. What do you call a man who has lost 95% of his intelligence? Divorced. Marriage is a 3-ring circus: Engagement Ring Wedding Ring Suffering Our last fight was my fault. My wife asked me "What's on the TV?" I said, "Dust!" In the beginning, God created the earth and rested. Then God created Man and rested. Then God created Woman. Since then, neither God nor Man has rested. A beggar walked up to a well-dressed woman shopping on Rodeo Drive and said, "I haven't eaten anything in four days." She looked at him and said, "God, I wish I had your willpower." Young Son: "Is it true, Dad, I heard that in some parts of Africa a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her?" Dad: "That happens in every country, son."

see what a man needs is the modern version of cinderella. absolutely gorgeous and dances with you all night, just before turning into pizza and a crate of lager at midnight! woman needs the perfect man, a frenchman with a nine inch tongue who can breathe through his ears!

twigged you at work have they Darren,what will you do now?. my grandson is in the falklands with the forces, and keeps using their computers to send us messages while on night shift.I keep telling him not to but he won,t listen,and like you is bound to get caught .,but i suppose ,he is a computer freak like a lot of us.Fred

Can't beleive the amout of replies since sunday! Not gone into hiding can only access internet at work or at my dads, as my computer has just died on me, and now soddin I.T. at work have just removed Internet access :-( And theres no way I'll let the other half see this thread, I like my bits just the way they are thank you! :-)

i have just checked this and was suprised at all the replys since yesterday, made me laugh and really need to goto bed now , as i nearly txt my hubby pams quote on the wedding cake but realised it was in favour of men, silly me, it was funny tho pam, darren please dont show your new lady this thread, shell run a mile, or you wont get any attention as she will be sending her thoughts in to the thread or rolling round the floor laughing.

still doubled up lol,Fred.

still not found one Liz

nudge

Elizabeth, re the perfect man....spot on!!!! Christine

Is there such a thing as a Perfect Man and His World? lol Much happiness Perfect debi

Definition of a "Perfect Man" - no classified definition - subject as yet not discovered.

Have a look at this web - and take it in the fun that is intended www(.)funofun(.)com/theperfectman(.)htm Liz

Christine Think your right and we could be in a queue for years Liz

You and me both Elizabeth, I think it's one of those urban myths. Christine

If anyone finds a perfect man - can I be 1st in queue - that's one thing I would pay lots to see!! Liz

Ahh Fred at last a man who knows his place. I'm liking your wife already. lol Christine