General Chat

good luck then darren :-)) one word of advice though....dont show her this thread....lol

This is one my husband found hilarious.... How many men does it take to open a beer? None. It should be opened by the time she brings it. ------------------------------------------------------------------- Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman? Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will probably never be able to support you. -------------------------------------------------------------------- Why do women have smaller feet than men? It's one of those "evolutionary things" that allows them to stand closer to the kitchen sink. ------------------------------------------------------------------- How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart? When she starts her sentence with "A man once told me..." ------------------------------------------------------------------- How do you fix a woman's watch? You don't. There is a clock on the oven. ------------------------------------------------------------------- Why do men break wind more than women? Because women can't shut up long enough to build up the required pressure. ------------------------------------------------------------------- If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first? The dog, of course. He'll shut up once you let him in. ------------------------------------------------------------------- What's worse than a Male Chauvinist Pig? A woman who won't do what she's told. ------------------------------------------------------------------- I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always. ------------------------------------------------------------------- Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by 90%. It's called a Wedding Cake. ------------------------------------------------------------------- Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy. ------------------------------------------------------------------- In the beginning, God created the earth and rested. Then God created Man and rested. Then God created Woman. Since then, neither God nor Man has rested. P.S. Glad you found someone Darren. Hope it works out for you both. Pam

Oh Pam you turncoat!!! Who's side are you on?LOL Christine

I know, but it is funny you've got to admit. Lol! Pam

I got nothing against women....i think every kitchen should have one :-)

dont worry girls,i'll make up for pam! husband admires his naked body,in the bedroom mirror,says to his wife..look at that 12 stone of pure dynamite..she replies..pity about the 2ins fuse though! glad youve found someone darren,take care of her matey......bryan.

Aye they were that Pam. The differences between male and female interpretation THINGY (thing-ee) n. female: Any part under a car's hood. male: The strap fastener on a woman's bra. VULNERABLE (vul-ne-ra-bel) adj. female: Fully opening up one's self emotionally to another. male: Playing ball without a cup. COMMUNICATION (ko-myoo-ni-kay-shon)n. female: The sharing of thoughts & feelings with one's partner. male: Scratching out a note before suddenly taking off for a weekend with the guys. BUTT (but) n. female: The body part that every item of clothing manufactured makes "look bigger." male: The organ of mooning and farting. COMMITMENT (ko-mit-ment) n. female: A desire to get married and raise a family. male: Not trying to pick up other women while out with one's girlfriend. REMOTE CONTROL (ri-moht kon-trohl) n. female: A device for changing from one TV channel to another. male: A device for scanning through all 75 channels every 2 minutes. TASTE (tayst) v. female: Something you do frequently to whatever you're cooking, to make sure it's good. male: Something you must do to anything you think has gone bad, prior to tossing it out. Christine

Know what you mean Jean, my husband is a truck driver and always says "I'm a bleeping professional driver, I don't need to ask for directions". Lo and behold, we miss the turning or go down a dead end. LOL! Pam

Jean and Pam they MUST be all the same!!! Every year we head up to Skye on the A9. Every year I tell him to remember the awkward bit as you pass Perth. Does he listen? No! EVERY year we end up going into Perth, having to drive all the way round to find the way back onto the A9. And men know best? ...I think not. Christine

Why does it take 100 million sperms to fertilize one egg? Because not one will stop and ask for directions Says it all really!!!!! Christine

think thats bad...look how long Moses wandered the desert just because he wouldn't ask for directions!!

i came back on to see the state of play and can,t add anything for laughing ,well done all of you .That was just the tonic i needed>Fred.

How to Tell If You're a bit of a Slapper (which is ok, btw) by Sarah, Jules, The Evil Pixie, Smallkat and PlanetGrrl Readers ... You've had 3 different men in your bed on 3 consecutive nights, and you're not on holiday in Ibiza People say is that a belt when referring to your new skirt You buy all your jewellery from Argos. You have more than one pair of knee high boots. You've never met your best friend's boyfriend/husband. You wake up regularly in strange beds, or in strange underwear. You never wear knickers when you wear a mini skirt. When you started work you got sacked for having it off with the tea boy in the stationary cupboard, and the whole office watched it on the CCTV. You never wear knickers- always thongs. You think crotchless knickers are cool. When you get drunk, you seem to always end up flashing your t*ts to everyone around you. Doreen from 'Birds of a Feather' is your role model. You buy 'PlayGirl' magazine. The local GUI clinic has a mailing list exclusively for your contacts. You think that orange actually is your natural skin tone. Half the neighbourhood knows you go for the full Brazilian wax. When you meet your boyfriends dad you realise he looks all tooooo familiar.... You like getting your ears pulled by strangers You only shower before going out on the pull. Essential handbag items include bright red lippy, femifresh and clean tights. You have been advised that you can only take the morning after pill so many times in one month Your school skirt is rolled up at the waist, shortening it by about 12inches. In the office you think that the photocopier is a seat. You wake up regularly in strange cars You've slept with your best friend's boyfriend/husband. You think big gold earrings are hip and trendy. You use hoop ear rings for supporting your legs. You think wearing rings on all available fingers looks kewl. You take pleasure in wearing little white newlook dresses with gold buckles and no underwear. You think yellow-blond peroxide color is "kewl" You are a walking equal opportunities policy and will sleep with anyone regardless of age, race, religion, marital status .. Your "roots" are always showing.

A few more How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb? One-He just holds it up there and waits for the world to revolve around him. How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb? Three. One to screw in the bulb, and two to listen to him brag about the screwing part. How many men does it take to tile a bathroom? Two. If you slice them very thinly Why do men whistle when they're sitting on the toilet? Because it helps them remember which end they need to wipe Christine

How many men does it take to change a toilet roll? We don't know, it's never happened.... Pam

you can stop now ladies [and Jean],it looks as though Darren has gone into hiding ,and i ain,t starting ,i,m having enough trouble with the wife now she has seen this and i can just manage her on her own ,and not you lot as well lol.Fred.

Hi Darren Brilliant thread, loads of great replies, so I've just had a really good laugh before going off to bed. Although I could probably have an even bigger laugh when I get in there ..... LOL. Mandy :))))

meeeeoow. Fred.

Oh Fred I think your copping out. What do you call a man with half a brain? Gifted! Can you tell me and the other half are not on speaking terms today? Christine

I,m not really copping out,i,m being un/male and being truthful.Little as the missus is ,she rules the roost,One of my sons is a strapping six foot farmer and He ducks when she starts,i just cringe in the corner and sweat a lot lol.Fred.