General Chat

Hi Fee, I've been a nanny for 18 years and have been through 8 toddlers in total (not all at once!). I've cared for new-borns up to 12 year olds & currently look after a toddler & 4 year old. Personally, I don't smack. I used to use it as 'the last resort' but I found methods that work just as well--and involve less guilt! It was when I saw a mother yell at her child as she slapped him "DON'T hit your brother!", that I realised it wasn't for me anymore! Every parent/carer finds their own methods to suit each child and each situation, but I can recommend a few tricks! Firstly, it's worth looking at triggers for naughty behaviour--tiredness, your own stress level, foods, if he's under the weather or teething. That way you can prepare for them a bit more, and try to keep things calm if you can see a potential tantrum brewing. I find the best method in most cases is to completely ignore the behaviour you don't like (which has been shown to good effect in 'Little Angels'!) Distraction is always useful with little ones. If this doesn't work, and depending on your little boy's age, a few minutes on 'the naughty step' or 'time out corner' works very well. The child can sit close to you, or in the next room, and has time to think over what they have done. Once I've used it, I usually find the threat of the naughty step is enough. Older children can be sent to their room (though I have only ever had one child that I have held the door shut on, as in 'Little Angels'!) Toddlers often respond well to having both their hands firmly held for a few minutes--this can work very well for toddlers who hit their siblings, or in dangerous situations like touching then oven. They don't like it and will soon learn to avoid it happening again. Stickers are a fab reward, rather than rewarding with sweets. star charts work for kids from around 2 1/2. Above all, if you use your common sense, expect good manners from early on, keep a sense of humour and let your kids know they are loved to bits, you can't go wrong! My most important rule in raising kids is that I never EVER pull away from a cuddle first--it makes such a difference to the quality of a cuddle!

I think parents today are much more aware of the psychological dangers of too much smacking than my generation was when we brought up our children in the 60s. I used to smack mine on the legs for really bad or rude behaviour and they and I thought that was the norm - my parents had done it and i had not suffered unduly. i have to add that both my children grew up into well balanced adults and are now parents. one has been known to smack their children very occasionally when extremely naughty although the threat was usually sufficient. Their punishment was usually to sit on the stairs isolated from the rest of the family. The other has never smacked either of their children and the punishment is the same - sit on the stairs. The three older boys (who were very occasionally smacked) are very well adjusted polite teenagers, never in trouble plenty of friends good at school. the oldest of the two never smacked is eight very good plenty of friends at school, exuberant and noisily excitable but well behaved. The youngest is only two. We, as grandparents can take all of them them anywhere and know they will be well behaved. So they have all been treated differently and all seem to have ended up the same. the difference is that they were none of them beaten in the true sense of the word which is what the new bill is meant to prevent. They were lightly smacked, it has done them no harm, they are not psychologically damaged. They do not go around hitting other people, Those who beat their children will continue to do so, a law will not stop them because they are bullies. I think this is an intrusive law, parents should be allowed to decide on the punishment for their children. To get back to where I started, because of the awareness nowadays that there are other more effective punishments, very few people do smack their children unecessarily. Ann Glos

I agree with Linda and Jeanette about parenting classes. I run creches for the parenting groups whilst the classes are on. These groups last for 2 hours, once a week for 8 weeks. I have 4 grown up children (all of whom were smacked occasionally!) and 4 grandchildren and was a registered childminder for 25 years. I attended a group just out of interest - I didn't think I could learn anything new about child rearing. I found it very informative, talking through various scenarios that could occur between parents and children. Some of the Mums that come to the classes (which are free, but you may be asked for a donation) just come for the free 2 hours child care at first, but most end up learning a lot. Our last class for this session was a first aid course for parents and carers of young children, and was very well attended. I think all the Mums gain something from these courses, even if it's just alternative ways of disciplining your child without resorting to a smack. The parenting classes are also being held for Dads in the evenings as a trial to see how well they are attended. If anyone gets the chance to go on one of these courses, do try and go. They are for 0-6years, 6-12 years and teenagers. Your health visitor, clinic, school or playgroup should have posters or flyers advertising the courses in your area. Sue