General Chat

what i would do don't think that this might be the right way but here goes be all nice for your stepdaughters sake as this is her day and just for that day would be very stressful for her if there were any fallings out.then after that write or text her to say that she was being very unreasonable on the day and very tightfisted to assume that you and your husband were going to pay for everything .and then remind her that the house nolonger belongs to her as she is no longer married to your husband anymore.

Hello everyone. She sent me an e-mail saying she was off on a well-earned holiday, so I guess we will have to wait until she returns for an update.

Nudge for an update.

Hope you have a wonderful day tomorrow and the weather forecast is good too!! We'll all be thinking of you and looking forward to an update. I'm sure all will be well relax and enjoy yourself! Love Linda x

Ladies, thanks for your words, we decided that the invites came from all 3 of us, so we are all hosting it. Husband and I didn't want her to feel left out although she did get an invite from just me and him. It's all overwhelming me today and I could honestly just get my trainers on and run. Been close to tears all day, have come into work to get away from it all!! Keep everything crossed for me. Thanks again for all your support.

Hello - In the case of divorced parents, the brides father sits with the brides stepmother (you) in the first pew on the left hand side of the church. Your husband will be next to the aisle and you will sit next to him. From then on there is some leeway according to the brides wishes. No. 1 wife either sits next to you with her husband (if appropriate) or in the pew behind you along with the brides immediate family. As mother of the bride,which you are to all intents and purposes, you should be seated last and escorted to your seat by one of the ushers when all others (apart from your husband of course) have been seated. Your stepdaughter may want both you and her mother to be escorted in together - but it's you that has the right to the front pew. I hope everything goes really well and that your nerves turn out to be unfounded - we'll all be thinking of you. Mags xx

Hi Suzy, it's this Saturday and my name is kept back for now in case any family are reading and i don't want to upset anyone!! But it's great to get support from you guys and I will let you know on Monday how it went!! Thanks again to everyone for your messages both on here and via email!!

Hello 2nd wife (wish I knew your name). I am SO pleased your husband has sent you that message. It just goes to show that the people that matter know how much you have done for your step-daughter's big day. You are NOT rubbish - never ever think that. I know that your situation is not a great one, but it is experiences like this that make you realise that what you have is very precious. Having an easy life means you appreciate nothing. Hope you sent your husband a lovely text back - hope it was a little saucy too!! All the best. PS Are you able to tell us when the wedding day is? I think I'm going to come up myself and watch out for you!!

little update - Hubby has just sent me a text saying Thank you for all you have done to make this wedding perfect, without you it wouldn't have happened!! It nearly made me cry!! ;o)

Suzy, I think I am over sensitive with this situation at the moment and I too didn't mean to offend you, I did read it that you thought I wasn't wanting the mother there at the wedding which has never been the case. I'm scared stupid if I am honest and haven't slept for days because all said and done I am still the outsider and it's going to hurt like hell to know everything I have done to make this a perfect day is going to be credited to someone else. Also it's daft things like where do I sit in the church, Hubby says it's next to him but isn't that the mothers' place? I just want to get things right and not feel so rubbish!!

Hello again I'm really glad you feel you are sorting things out and that you have arranged support through your friend. That was a good idea. I hope I didn't upset you.... but my words were that your Step-daughter had every right to have her Mother at her wedding, not that her Mother had every right to be there. They are two different things. Also, I read your words carefully and was fully aware that you had nothing to do with your husband's divorce from his first wife. I merely mentioned that my Dad brought his second wife to my wedding (whom he DID leave my Mum for) to emphasize that even in the most difficult of situations, you can have a wonderful day to remember. If I gave a different impression, then I apologise profusely. I'll raise a glass to you all having a super day.

Glad to help! Please remember to let us know how it went. I am sure your step-daughter will realise (even if it is later on) the thought and effort you have put in to ensure a conflict-free day for her. Maz. XX

Thanks guys, I really appreciate you words..... I have acted on a couple, Best buddy is coming over at 11am to help me stay calm, everyone has been told that the No 1 wife is not using my bathroom or going in my bedroom. And above all I am not going to lose my DIGNITY. I have worked really hard for this day to be perfect, I am not having No 1 wife spoil it for me or anyone else. One comment though is to Suzy.... yes she has every right to be at the wedding, but she has no rights to be in my home.... we are allowing her there out of love for my s-d and it's a massive effort that is needed from everyone not just me. Plus i had NOTHING to do with the breakdown of their marriage, I didn't meet up with Hubby until she had been gone for 5 years, so no-one has any rights to be treating me with disgust. And i am not just a tag on to my husband's invite, I personally have organised 60% of the day and paid for things out of my savings account not joint accounts, so I have every right to be there too.

Not been in anything like this situation, but how about getting your best friend to be at your house on the day. You will then have someone with you all day, so you won't need to worry about awkward silences or being alone with 'her'. Do you have more than one bathroom? If so, then you can say to her "You and - step-daughter - can use this bathroom, and - step-daughter's - bedroom to get ready, then we won't be in each other's way". If not, then you will need to plan out the day with your s-d beforehand, to allow everyone their own bathroom time, and their own spaces. If s-d is going to the hairdresser, then that would be a good time for you to do your ablutions undisturbed. Mainly, plan as much as you can ahead of time - if you are well-prepared, then you will be calmer. You can say to her when she arrives - this is how s-d has planned out the day, she will find it hard then to walk in and take charge. Hope something in my ramblings is useful! Maz. XX

As a no.2 wife I understand yor problem. Isn't there a room at the church or wedding venue where your step daughter can get ready? This would solve your problem. Or even book a hotel room nearby. I was lucky, my eldest step daughter didn't invite us and my youngest eloped to gretna green Whatever, it's your step daughters day, and you are all involved one way or another. Take a deep breath, count to ten, make sure you have a good stock of Australia wine and you will all soon be friends. Have a wonderful day

I'm sure that you will be fine simply because you have recognised that there may be some awkward moments. If there are times when you feel a little unsure of yourself and your position on the day, be extra demonstrative towards your husband - an extra peck on the cheek -call him darling or petal or whatever at every opportunity. If nothing else this will get right up her nose when she has got up yours! It may also shock your husband - so better warn him first. Keep hold of the reins at all time - it's your day too. Tell her her place in the bathroom rota for instance. Say things like 'if you sit here, I will...' and 'I'm going to do this so you can do.....' Use '!' a lot. Get your husband to send you a huge thank you card for all the work you have put in on behalf of his daughter and display it prominently!! If all else fails - grin and bear it and have a slug of something in the kitchen to see you through. Just one point - has she been told where she should sit at the marriage ceremony? Hope you have a fantastic day - as I'm sure you will xx

hiya i really hope everything turns out okay if you have any tips throw them my way im in the same boat the wedding isnt till next may but already theres bad vibes take care tina xx

A still tongue keeps a wise tongue - after all she will only be there for one day - us women have a lot of patience and losing your tongue will only upset everyone including yourself and I'm sure your step daughter will not want that on the day of her wedding. Try and let all that she does go over your head - easier said than done but I'm in the same situation - I live in my hubbys marital home with him - his first wife is brill and we are the best of friends. Anyway you may find that she is as nervous as you are. Love Tracy

Listen wife number two. I've been where you are now, and yes it is hard, but it's only for ONE day. Your husband is on YOUR side don't forget. I bet wife number one is more nervous than you. Put on you best smily face and relax, after all you have a lot more than she has. Have a beautiful wedding. Jo.

Dear 2nd It will be hard but she will be there for 24 hrs tops. You have been there all the time and it is now your home. You can put your feet on the sofa, sing in the shower and do all the things you do when you are at home, she can't. If you involve her in everything on the day, champagne brekkie, or special lunch, doing step d's make up etc, you may find the time will pass quickly and before you know it she will be on the plane home again! Above all KEEP SMILING, if nothing else she will notice how happy you are. If you feel the need to scream or moan, phone a friend and have a quiet natter to get it off your chest. Above all again, enjoy the day. Deborah