General Chat

I'm sorry but I have to put my foot down and insist that all useful items, including men, are made available to the quartermaster should there be an emergency. No hogging. So I'm adding Mel Gibson to the list. And as I said for Sean Connery, I need to check him out personally to make sure I record every attribute on my inventory accurately. I must therefore order you to send him to the stores for me to see him - after supper I think as I have Sean Connery booked in after dinner. And make sure he's in his kilt as I need to examine it closely for wear and tear. Angela

Hic, lots of gin, hic,hic,hic! If there's any left in an emergency its yours....hic,hic, cheers!!! ;-) Viv

David The plum jam is THE most important item on my emergency list. It has a million and one uses - for example to make ship's biscuits taste better, to treat hypoglaecaemia in diabetics, to use as a sticky glue when we run out of copydex, to place away from camps on dessert islands in order to lure away the nasty biting ants, and we can always spread it over the emergency-issue male dance troupe for entertainment value! Angela

LOADS OF PLUM JAM David

All now added to my list thanks. I need to verify Sean Connery's state of (un)dress personally though so that I can make sure I have listed his accessories accurately. Bring him along to the stores after dinner would you. Angela

In my role as gigalo I am anticipating bringing with me/requiring large amounts of wine, roses, chocolate, CD's of romantic music, massage oil and of course large amounts of *cough* protection, to prevent too many visits to the doctor.

Jane in the office here. I have elastic bands, Paper clips, paper and pens, a photocopier, files, a computer and filing cabinet. In fact a lovely little offcie really! Jane

Jeanette I'm glad we got that sorted out. I am sure that we can now have a productive relationship based on openness and a thorough understanding of what needs to be done and when and by whom. Please don't let it get in the way of your world summits though. Perhaps when you have a moment, you might like to discuss an itinerary for summits with natives of the various islands we will pass on our journey so as to make best use of the public funds that are obviously being used to finance your place on the ship. Some of them may have additional supplies that I could add to my inventory - hitherto unknown drugs, new and exotic fruits etc. I presume you will be bringing your international relations spin doctor and associated diplomats with you in your suitcase? Angela

Absolutely. We have far more important things to attend to such as freebie holidays.............err I mean world summits! lol Jeanette PM

Jeanette I never joke. Politicians and spin doctors just think they're in charge. But its the civil servants who really get things done. And I think you'd better hand over that red button now for safe keeping as I wouldn't want you to make any mistakes. If I think there is reason to press it, I will provide you with a written report in triplicate setting out all the options and their implications, and offering a single clear recommendation which I will expect you to accept. Angela

(roflmao Angela!) My dear girl I will be the one with the emergency red button and you can be sure I won't be telling you if I press it. Myself and my fellow MPs did enjoy your little joke about a quartermaster outranking the PM. It caused much mirth here in The House. ORDER! ORDER! Jeanette PM

In an emergency, a quartermaster outranks a PM and any number of spin doctors. And don't think you can argue - I work with enough politicians to know exactly how to handle them. I am therefore adding the emergency nuclear bomb shelter to the emergency list and will requisition it if any passenger has brought on board a Red Button and presses it by mistake. And I will also add the large amount of hot air you also obviously possess in case we need to use this to fill a balloon made of sail-silk sutured with medicinal suturing supplies and tied to a basket with knicker elastic to float off a the ship if we hit an iceberg. Angela

I have nothing that will be of any use to you lot - I'm a politician - I lie! The Prime Ministers emergency nuclear bomb shelter will be for the sole use of the PM and her spin doctors (and anybody who can slip me a big enough backhander!) Jeanette self appointed PM

Ah, you mean this elf. Well he was lost and i'm just looking after him. The handcuffs are in case he gets lost. Gwynne

A wand, a chalice, all different kinds of sewing needles and a very sharp pair of scissors, a needle threader, a loop turner and my husband says that as long as I don't bring the credit card I can come for as long as I like and he will give us a suturing kit and some packets of dried water. Abigail

Just how many pirates are you expecting Elaine? I suppose we could also use it for harpoon cord, stringing bows and arrows and catapults, making new hammocks etc. Angela

Twelve miles of used knicker elastic, to tie up the pirates Elaine x

Gwynne - Darn right you have no elves!!

Thanks for these. All duly noted on my emergency inventory. They will be requisitioned from you only in an emergency. And yes, that does include the truffles which will be requisitioned should any passenger suffer a diabetic problem and should the ship's medicine cabinet be short of the usually required drugs. No arguments please, rich fare paying passenger. Angela

I haven't got anything useful. Honest. No vodka at all. And only 2 pairs of ruined red shoes. Absolutely no elves. Gwynne