General Chat

Hi Doc Longlegs I need to find a wheelbarrow to get that lot to you for treatment they are all legless. be along asap. Just have an urge to go and kick that waste of space crocodile over the side, trouble is fat cook keeps hiding it. On my way to galley i'm starving and grumpy. David ( security ) Be Afraid

Good Afternoon all, (I head that Lady Muck) Dinner shall be served between 19:00 and 21:00 DINNER MENU For The admiral Doctor Legs, Security Dave the croc hater and all paying passengers. Deboned Lamb Curry and Yellow Rice served with fresh slices of Banana, Mango, Pinapple, Apple and Tomato. Fresh Home made Roti (looks like a pancake) or Lamb Stew with white rice. Home made Pineapple Mousse Assorted cheese with crackers Coffee and Cognac White or Red wine to be ordered from the Bar. JAC THE DRAC I have sent the lamb's raw liver, stomach and heart to you cabin, hope you enjoy it.;-) No Pinapple mousse for the crew and brothel as there was not enough and NO ALCOHOL whilst on duty. FAT LADY, COOK Boris and I shall take a stroll around the deck for some fresh air before dinner.

Oh Fat Lady - you are toooo good to me - I hope you appreciate though that my "cabin" is usually unoccupied for most of the time - I have "alternative" sleeping arrangements - currently the odd-shaped coffee table in the slappers room - please arrange for my offal to be delivered there if you can. I take it all back about you Fat Lady - I had thought that as you were pushed overboard from another ship you probably had a bit of an attitude (and to be fair, from the tone of your messages I still think that you are somewhat autocratic) however pandering to my every needs food wise puts you at the top of list to kiss!! Where is the dentist by the way? I have raging tooth ache in two teeth (the result of biting into some hard-faced old slapper last night, with skin like a rhino) It's not fair, really it isnt! Is there no beautician on board to give the girls a few tips on keeping their skin soft? I thank you anyway Fat Lady for thinking of me specifically - I will ensure that you are not visited (at least in the foreseeable future). By the way, am I the Dwarf Doc. or the Acting Ship's Doctor (got slightly confused yesterday and 15 pages later lost the plot a bit) Jac the Drac.Chief Mortician, Acting something or other, Public Health Warning producer etc etc etc ps going out now for a while - I think I might have sighted land, and will fly off to investigate

NOW HEAR THIS! ATTENTION! This is the Admiral speaking: We set sail at 2pm this afternoon heading for Mondelo, the main port, so that we can deliver the cargo from the Ambassador, then continue on our journey. From what I hear, most of you were too sozzled to realise this fact! Now that Dr. Longlegs is handing out Antabuse tablets, hopefully you will all sober up enough to continue our Cruise. Has someone rescued the Black Widow? We cannot go on circling around for her for much longer! If necessary we shall have to launch the longboat to look for her, then it will have to catch up with us. When we reach Mondelo we shall not dock, so DO NOT leave the ship! I will send the cargo ashore and then we shall head NNE towards the Bahamas. David,Security Guard: Am I right in thinking all those camels have been disposed of? Lindy: the dinner menu is delightful: please send mine to my cabin, as I shall be too busy to come on deck for a while.

Hi Mommylonglegs! I think we'll give them one last chance, PROVIDED they've all had the tablets..... so the bar should be quieter for a couple of hours. By which time we shall have called into Mondelo, and be under way again by approx. 10pm. David, Security Guard! Please re assure me that everything is secure, especially the Lifeboats! ....oh, and that crocodile, don't want him roaming off the ship when we reach Mondelo ...or do we???

*Groan* I'm perfectly OK now. The elf has adminitered a healing balm and My Clooney is stroking my brow. Touch me with that wheelbarrow, Mr Security, and I'll set the elf on you. He has his bow, you know. Gwynne (teacher and director of Panto)

Ohhh, The Bahamas, Cant wait, will we have time to bask up the sunshine on the beach? I do hope so. Where is my factor 6? Here it is, oh no, whats that - its not sun cream, its brown and thick. Whos been messing with my cream? Lady M

**********WAH*************** Don't want the nasty tablets. I'll be good, honest. Sulk. Gwynne

Why didn't anyone wake me up! I have decided to give up my Karaoke job and continue being Cooks assistant. COOK As I have to take the evening job (its hard to get there from Canada during your day) do I have your permision to prep. the breakfast and tend to the needs of our guests during the evening? I am quite able to help you put together menus (to be OK'd by you of course) Please advise as I'm just off to get ready for my day.

Admiral no sign of the camels, first chance i get that waste of space crocodile will be over the side, just have to think of a way to distract the fat cook as she never lets it out of her sight. It looks as if Gwynne needs some persuasion to take her tablets, i'm of to the kitchen to get a plunger that should do to job open wide Gwynne, he he good fun. Doing my rounds now i'm watching and listening. David ( Security ) Be Afraid

Doctor Mommylonglegs! Has everyone now had they're tablets? I believe that Gwynneth was being obstreporous! Hopefully David will sort her out, then she and her elf will be quiet whilst we visit Mindelo, I wouldn't want the Coast Guard there thinking we run a rowdy ship! Mindelo is on the next island Sao Vincente, so it will not take us long to reach this. Deborah: does that mean we won't be getting any Karaoke in the bar tonight? Still, I'm sure that the Fat Cook will welcome your help as asst. cook. give her a chance to put her feet up.

I hate you all. Me and the elf and Mr Clooney want to be put ashore at the next port. You're all bullies. *sniff* Gwynne

I'll try to fit a song in or two between peeling spuds. Any requests?

MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM *holds mouth closed very tightly* Gwynne Legolas here: If I promise to stop her drinking can she be excused tablets? She'll only spit them up as soon as you've gone. Me and George can't take the whinging and whining for much longer. When does the Karaoke start? I know some groovy elvish tunes. Legolas (I have my axe and my bow) shoe mender

Please,please,please save the black widow, she's my only friend. Landlady Viv

Lindy, tomatoes, baby sweetcorn, orka, star fruit, lemons and arkichokes in box by galley door. Might see you on your evening stroll, will have a chat then and a pat for Boris. Watch out for Dave he still hates Boris. Off to mulch the rose's, even though I say so myself they are looking wonderful. Maggie

Just sugar? No nasty tablets? Gwynne

My first song will be a "Dr. Hook and the MEDICINE show" tune - "Sharing the night together" requested by Lady M

Woe is me Doctor - I've come for me prick I's not very brave so give us it quick As for the tablets - No thank you - I'll pass Could tell you where to put them but can't think of a rhyme Am I ship's soothsayer? Nobody's said I'm easy to please can do most things instead Maggot

My next song is for MAGGOT "Witchy Woman" Do I get to have a prick too?