General Chat

I found the following in a newspaper some weeks ago and just wanted to share it with you all. I know it will have special significance for some of you. I thought it was so beautiful and conveyed Oh, so much love. To my wife Dorothy, who is an Alzheimer’s sufferer and will never read it. When I look into your eyes and hold your hand. Can you sense my love and really understand. That a smile from you can help to ease the pain And enable me to feel that we are one again. That a loving touch can impart an inner thrill, Should a vestige of your love be with you still? Do you know that times are hard and life is real? Or do you live in a world abstract, surreal? No power have I to understand, explain, The tortuous workings of a failing brain. My imagination is the stuff of dreams, With thoughts and wishes only barren dreams. Cruel common sense and facts do not defray The constant love that holds me in its sway. My harassed brain says, “Bear up” and “carry on” But the light that shone ahead is almost gone. With an aching void and tears that bide inside, How can I live without you by my side? Each time I leave you in your “Home of Care” I face my uselessness with near despair. The meetings of our minds I cannot renew. Nor the happiness together we once knew. You will not know the reasons why I’m so sad For you have no memory of the “Special Love” we had (Bob Southwood) Bridget x

What a very moving piece sad and yet hidden love there as well sometimes we should be like this before we are unfortunately to ill to understand and do not tell me how we really love them

Bridget - how moving. This is the one thing l dread other than cancer - god forbid l get neither. Thank you for putting this on here,makes us all realise how precious life and love is.Fortunately l tell my husband and children everyday that l love them - my daughter is 29yrs and has just phoned and l told her then, my son (27yrs)is on honeymoon and rings or sends text messages and l told him as well - you just never know whats around that corner!!!! Jude

Alzheimers is one of the cruellest illnesses - you are robbed of the person twice. but somewhere in the dark recesses of their minds a little spark is still there and sometimes - just sometimes - you are lucky enough to see it - and as soon as it is there - the moment has gone. You treasure that moment - hold it in your heart - and remember it when next you see them and there is only the vacant look in their eyes. I believe that somewhere in their hearts they remember - but their minds dont.

Bridget, How very touching. Thank you for sharing. Lindy

thank you bridget, my dad had altzeimers,progressing worse for the last five years of his life...he lost all dignity in that time...thats why i think its the cruelest illness of all. medical research is doing well in this field,and there are new drugs under test,as i write this...lets pray to god,that this illness can be beaten. bryan.

Re She Wray's comment about little sparks in recesses of the mind.......(and not wishing to steal another's thread) you may remember a couple of weeks ago I wrote about my despair about my Dad going into a 'Home'. My Mum also has been incontinuing care at our local hospital for 5 years because of Alzheimer's. Visiting her the other day, things (feelings, emotions, whatever) overpowered me and I sobbed and sobbed in her arms. She stroked my head and said "Mammy's here, don't cry!" Those were the first 'maternal' caring' words she had uttered for nearly 20 years. Then she 'went away from me' again and the moment was gone. This lovely moment made me cry even more when two other of the ladies shuffled over to me and stroked my arm or my head. We will never know their thoughts from day to day but somewhere in the recesses, as She states, something stuck a chord - my child is suffering, I have to do something!! Hazel

hazel, that was so moving,that i just had to reply...despite her illness,that moment probably brought you closer together than ever. for most of the time,that i knew my dad (i was brought up by my grandparents) he enjoyed having a little flutter on the horses,and silly as it sounds,it was rare for him to lose...we all used to say,if he bet in pounds,instead of pennies,he would be rich....anyway,towards the end of his life,he did'nt recognise his family...but he recognised a good horse...and everyday we would put on a few shillings for him,and yes,most of them won........very strange, bryan.

I lost my Father to Alzheimers too, it's a dreadful thing to see that happen to someone you love. Memory is so important, and it's so sad to see the frustration on the face of someone desperately trying to remember and having that memory locked inside them and not able to tap into it. A few weeks before he died my husbands short term memory went, and he was also aware of it but couldn't do anything about it. I cried buckets to see it, just wanted him back as he was, even for the short time we had left together. All I can say is that my heart goes out to anyone suffering, not only the person themselves, but the family too. Lynda xx

Hazel - have just read your reply, thank you for sharing that. Take care. Jude

sitting here nodding my head in agreement. when I saw my mum the last time before her final days she didnt know me until I sat and stroked her hands like she used to do with me when I was small , the glimmer that she knew who I was then and said I was her baby meant so much to me. Bryan - I read everything I can on developments into curing this illness - they are getting nearer and nearer. Hazel - hugs to you - I know what its like - xx

Bob in Bretton HAS got someone he cares for who is struck with Loss of Memory ........ thats possibly why he was asking off the boards and not ON them. Why are these boards so very very bitter nowadays.

Hazel - I fully understand what you mean. Nobody can possibly understand without going through it what it feels like to see the mother that you knew as a strong capable loving woman who brought you up and listened to your problems (and solved most!) look at you like a stranger. My father sadly died 18 months ago and to have her ask virtually every day where he is is the most awful thing imaginable.

Bridget thank you for taking the time to type this out :) It is a very moving piece and as one member says we never know what is round the corner. It must be a very frightening experience for all those affected by this illness. Much happiness Debi

Bridget My lovely lovely husband ( you met him in Manchester) has recently been diagnosed with Dementia so you can imagine how poignant those words are to me. We are starting to come to terms with it but it is so hard. I keep trying to be positive and think of others with worse problems and thank my lucky stars I still have him. Linda x

Hazel, Your words meant so much to me, as did Bridget's.I lost my lovely Mam to this hideous disease. It is a very cruel way to die. I felt like all of Mam had been squeezed out of her and all that was left was her shell of a body. Her death was a release as we'd already lost her the year before she died. Mam also had mini strokes, and probably mya-cardial infarc dementia. Linda,the best advice I can give you is to give yourselves time to get over the initial shock, then get as informed as you can. All forms of dementia are different,and there are now some excellent treatments. Mam was on aricept for two years and, for a while,it gave us our Mam back. The Alzheimers Society can put you in touch with other sufferers and their families--it really does help to share. Some forms of the disease are much slower than Alzheimers, and as I say, there is help out there. If your husband has a good psychiatrist, that is half the battle,as you can keep informed on what help, benefits,and treatments are available. I send you my very best wishes, Sal.x

Thank you Sal for your very kind message. Linda x

Thanks to Bridget for starting this thread, also Sally and all others who have continued the thread. I have been comforted by what everyone has had to say. But please ----no more harsh words between us all. Hazel

Reading the replies to this thread I started has left me feeling so humble and sad. Sad, when I read of the unbearable pain you are all going through at the loss of the people you dearly love, some through death and others through Alzheimer’s and Dementia. Hazel, to know your mum “came back” to you if only for a moment made me cry, and yet, illustrated how deep a mother’s love is. While her mind may be confused, bless her; from somewhere deep inside she knew her child needed comfort. Oh Linda. I am so sorry to hear of your sad news regarding your hubby, the lovely chap I spoke to. I fondly remember our Manchester meeting. How I wish it were possible to put my arms around each and every one of you and take some of the pain and hurt away. Bob dear, you do not have to apologise to me. I know you and Marion had a misunderstanding and that’s all it was. You are all under so much pressure trying to cope with illness things can get on top of you. I wish I were Solomon, so I could find some words to comfort each and every one of you, as I am not, humbly know that you are in my heart and prayers. Love Bridget x

To all contributors to this thread.......... There are many moving stories on this subject, Memory and the Mind are mysterious things, who knows what is happening,behind the eyes of the person you "used" to know,If only time could rewind,so that symptoms might be spotted,and maybe some action taken, best wishes to all, Bob, and I am sure, Marion.