General Chat

maybe i'm showing my age but my daughter who's 12 let me read one of her magazines while soaking in the bath.no lie every page had an issue relating to sex,sexually transmitted diseases and protection for sex.when you go to the cinema and watch a film which has sex and violence it is certified over 12.i think that magazines should have the same.do i sound unreasonable?xxxxxx(:

Lisa its very hard,my daughter is almost 10 and is very mature for her age phyiscally and mentally so i am able to talk to her about anything.she has some magazines which like you say do contain alot about sex but i think its also good to have the information.whilst i agree that some magazines content is explicit and not at all suitable you have to remember that some children can't talk to their parents and this is their way of finding out. i used to be very shy as a child and although i could talk to my mum i would have been too embarrased,one time i had a boyfriend and whilst in the class one day he told everyone that i'd done something(i won't say what) and i laughed because i didn't know what he meant,when i did find out i was mortified so a magazine would have been useful, karen

Hi Lisa, I have wondered that myself. My daughter is now 15 and I am quite shocked at the content of some of her magazines but when I think about it, she is probably learning about safe sex, Aids, etc. in a language she understands without my feeble attemps at trying to discuss these issues. She has in the past (at about 12) raised questions that have surprised me but at the same time have been very sensible and I have been pleased that she has asked. I don't think you will stop her seeing them as her friends will have them even if she doesn't. Maybe say you saw some good bits in there and ask if there is anything she thought was good and get her to talk about it. As for censorship, I really don't know now. If they read and understand then perhaps they are ready to read the articles. If not ready, then I am sure a lot will just go over their head and in a while the penny will drop. I have to say I wish I had seen some of the magazines when I was growing up! (Or getting older as I don't want to grow up). Jacky :-)

i agree with you both on this issue but i find when it's on virtually every page it's as though they are shoving it in their faces all the time.maybe it's me when i said to my daughter about it being on every page she nodded and nothing else.she has had sex education at scholl so she does know about the bird and the beesxxx(:

i think it should be like my parents day when it was a taboo subject only talked about in the home. i know that sounds old fashioned but i really think that. i want to preserve my 8 year old daughters childish innocence for as long as is physically possible, xxx

i agree paul some of the girls in this day and age are forced into sex by too much advertising about it.i myself was 16 when i had my first experience.never liked breaking the law on things that we shouldn't do until legal age.goody two shoes reallyxxxx(:

paul, should we also send girls away to unmaried mothers homes and make them give their babies away if they get pregnant? i think not. of course we want our children to stay innocent for as long as possible but that isn't always possible,like i said my daughter is going to be 10 in a couple of weeks and mature for her age,i didn't want to be telling her about some things yet but i've had to, karen

karen the only thing with that is.going back 15 to twenty years ago the average age for girls that got pregnant was 17 .my sister had her first baby at 17 in the eighties now the youngest girl to have a baby in britain is 12 and the fathers 13.i think as a dad you do want to protect your daughter and that hasn't changed over the years.what's gone so wrong that teenage pregnancy in this country is out of control.and i'm sorry to talk about money but who pays for the upkeep of these babies who are born to babies themselvesxxxxx(:

karen i totally agree with your attitude to talk to your daughter about it and of course i'm not talking about unmarried mother homes, although i was born in one! what i'm saying is that i believe it should be kept in the home not splashed across everything we see. even so called kids programmes talk about nothing else. it obviously doesnt work having this 'loads of information' policy because of the amount of teenage pregnancies there is. paul...

I was a child in the 50s when nothing like that was talked about and even parents that did attempt to say something about it to ther children, they were usualy so embaresed and the child was embaressed talking about it that not much was said or retained, by the time my own daughter was 14 that was 1990 and they had sex education in the schools but as I found out by talking with my daughter I dont think it was adequate then as my daughter thought she could not get pregnant till she had started her monthly's (which isnt true they can) and she told me all her friends at school thought that too, I do believe that any medium (schools, magazines, vidios, tv and internet) that imparts information about protction in relation to diseases (especialy now as some are so lethal) protection to avoid unwanted pregnancy's ect can only be a good thing, as at the end of the day you are not going to stop children doing things together, it helps nobody stopping this sort of information being provided to children and sticking ones head in the sand hoping it wont happen to your children, it just might. Michelle

Lisa, i totally agree with you but surely its a positive thing to give information. i don't want my daughter having sex at 13/14 yrs old but we know that kids do and i'd like to think that i'd give mine the information to protect herself and to make informed choices.my mum told me all about sex and i'm proud to say that i didn't have sex until i was 17,unlike some of my friends, and that was with my husband. children don't just learn from magazines but more importantly from parents so they can read these magazines but ultimately its the parents they look to. Don't get me wrong i think some material in these magazines is way too explicit but there is a need for information, karen

i agree karen if there taught early they know what to expect.you cannot not tell them as thats when they go out and do that just through curiosityxxxxx(:

Paul, its not just pregnancy,theres also disease. you're right the pregnancy rate among young girls is far too high but that also has a lot to do with being able to get a flat,benifits etc,perhaps if things weren't so freely available them it wouldn't be such an attractive option for some, karen

"Quote:- by Paul (From Hampshire) on 10/09/2004 15:07:21 i think it should be like my parents day when it was a taboo subject only talked about in the home. i know that sounds old fashioned but i really think that. i want to preserve my 8 year old daughters childish innocence for as long as is physically possible, xxx " What is more important preserving a childs innocene or one day her comming to you sayng daddy ive got aids. you cant put the gennie back in the bottle childish inocence went in the sixties with the sexual revolution and hindly and brady and aids in the eighties bringing back victorian values is not going to do children any favours sorry if this sounds so harsh paul but a lot of the times people only remember good bits from the past not overall the way children with unwanted pregnancies and sxxualy transmited diseases were treated and the abuse of children that was hidden I know I wouldnt wish that society back on my children or grandchildren Michelle

well said m

Yes they should be age graded, but that won't stop the younger ones getting hold of them.......... as has been said Sex education SHOULD prevent unwanted pregnancies........but it doesnt! Kids have always" experimented", under age sex seems to have been accepted, by a large portion of the public, its too easy these days, abortions , and benefits come to mind first. Morals should be the centre point of sex education, but sadly it seems to be virtually nonexistant Youngsters have too many celebrities that spout their promiscuity in all sorts of publications.We as elders should be guiding the teenagers onto the correct paths........not leaving it to .."Its ok because every body does it"!

Although I have not got a daughter, I have worked with youngsters of that age. I have also seen some of the magazines available. However, first of all, I don't think that this information should only be discussed at home, although it is important that is should be if parents and child are comfortable with this. Sometime they are not, and sometimes parents do not have all the anwsers and sometimes can give wrong information themselves. I agree that some magazines have it "thrown at your face" ... it is a good selling subject (rightly or wrongly). I understand these magazines may be put the subject over in a way that a young person may understand it, I am not , however, convinced that it is always in a way that is appropriate, as they sometimes take out the "seriousness" of relationships, and the subject. I believe that this subject should be taught mainly in schools, and by parents. However, I am not sure if teachers are currently able to teach this subject in a way that children are comfortable with, and can understand. I believe that in Holland children are exposed to this sort of material more that ours are, but have the least number of teenaged pregnancies. I think that "sex education" should start as part of a childs normal everyday learning programme, ie from day the child is born, I don't think keeping this important subject away as a "protection" of some sort until we decide that the child is "old enough" (whatever that may mean) is the way to go. Keeping everything"secretive" until late on in life can only create an understanding which is full of myth. I do not believe that having information available leads children going "astray". Children and youngsters need good quality information, at an early age in a way they can understand and except that sexual relationships are normal when that person is ready for it. Some children grow up never seeing the bodies of the opposite sex until they quite old themeselves. I cannot understand this attitude of protection against seeing the "naked body". In my opinion this sort of secrecy contibutes to the mystery and sexual problems of today. Martin

bob, you're so right,its good to have information but its up to us as parents to intsill morals and also to set a good example, karen

Have things really changed so much over the years? I think now, so many young girls who are pregnant, decide to stay single / living with parents rather than be forced into a marriage as used to be the done thing. (pregnant and married at 17 by choice and don't regret it at all) I have been doing searches of births from 1538 - 1888 and there are so many babies born with only a mother's name entered so it isn't a 'modern' thing. Someone in my family told me that as a young girl (age 13/14), after baby-sitting for families, the father would often walk the sitter home. On the way he would have sex with her. It was common knowledge and practice in the town and the parents of the girls ignored it. The person concerned thought it normal until she came away from the small town and learnt otherwise. Had there been the information freely available at that time, this sort of situation and I am sure many others, could have and possibly would have, been avoided. I agree - protect and keep them innocent as long as possible but there are some wicked people out there and any advice on how to remain safe, prevent infections and/or pregnancy can only be a good thing in the long run. They may learn more than we would like, but I think that is a small price to pay for safety. And after this discussion, if any lad comes near my daughter I shall set her father onto him! ;-) Jacky :-)

what sort of life would these teenagers have being under age mums.no life!one of my friends has told me that her niece wanted to get pregnant so she could get every benefit under the sun and that was the only reason she wanted a baby.as i have said who will pay for the upkeep of these children.i would love to have another baby but unable to because of the financial strain it would put on us.xx(: