General Chat

Rose I feel so sorry for you I looked after my mum from when I was 15 till she died 4 years ago at 86 nearly cost me everything my marriage my hubby got fed up with me having to be there day and night but we sorted it thank god he has been a tower of strength Bu go to the citzens advice they will help you to put your claim in they are really good they will come to your home to do the forms

Hi Rosemary I am sorry to hear about your Mom. You are both in my prayers Your local Council may have an Income Maximisation Officer, who is likely top be based at the Council's Advice/Money Advice Department. May well be worth giving them a call, and seeing if they can help Regards Steve

The forms for DLA are ridiculous. They come in two parts so you have to enter things twice. My eldest son has been severly handcapped since birth (can't walk,talk,feed,dress or toilet etc) but because he is nearly 16 I have to fill them all in again. He is not going to get better! Bob

Hi Rose, I do feel for you terribly. I helped my Dad care for my Mam as she succumbed to Alzheimers. It is agony watching your parents get old and frail--no matter how old you are, you never feel ready. I experienced a lot of what you are going through. In her last few months, Mam fell several times a day and was in and out of A and E every few days. She was irrational, and at times suicidal. We got the higher rate of allowance, and it was nothing to do with continence. Mam's psychologist told Dad to emphasise how he was up several times a night to supervise Mam--that was enough to get the night allowance. However, I suspect it varies from county to county. Have you got a sympathetic GP--either your Mum's or yours? They could help with your application. Remember that you deserve all the help you can get--as long as you are keeping your Mum at home and caring for her, you are saving the state a huge sum of money. There are various support networks who may be able to help you. In my case it was the Alzheimers Society, but in your case it could be Age Concern. If you think your Mum is failing mentally, you could ask for a psychiatric refferal. This would help you plug into the support available in your area. There may be sitters in your area to give you a break, or a home or day centre that your Mum could go to for a few days a week. I know she may not like this idea--believe me, I had to take my Mam into care several times, and i know how painful it is. But I also knew it was for her own sake--and her safety. We needed a break and there is a limit to anyone's patience--I was concerned that Dad, my sister and I were getting cross with Mam. I do feel for you so much. I was where you are now less than two years ago. There are always lots of good people on here to talk to, and the practical help really is out there--you just have ask and be insistent until you get it. Sending my very best wishes to you and your Mum. Sal.X

Rosemary, I would like to back Margarets comments regarding Help the Aged. When we had a problem in the family, they really were very helpful. Hope you gain some help soon, surely your own state of health should be taken in to account, Rosemary(Essex)

Thanks everyone your replies have been so helpful and I really will follow up everything you have all suggested. Rose. Just off to start the day - Don't worry about me too much we do laugh a lot.

Rose.... how awful for you!! I do know what you mean about Social Services tho.... Grandma turned 100 last month and up until this year was not entitled to a home help as she was far to capable.... now she gets someone for an hour a day because she has had 3 strokes this year!! I'm with the others.... LIE... the Dr will too if he sees the stress you are under. Lets us know if there is anything we can do!! Diana

Rose So sorry to hear of your problems everyone here has given you good advice. Sally helped me recently when my husband was diagnosed with dementia and I am so grateful to her. The one thing you must do is take care of yourself and get any help that is available. Take care. Linda x