General Chat

thank you joanne, im so pleased that you seem much happier now, its good to know. and lisa, i think writing is a great idea if you have decided to get in touch again,i hope everything works out for you and all the others on this subject. take care.

I'm overwealmed by all your emotional replies. I notice some of you are in the same position as I was. I hope what has happened to me will make it easier for you to get in contact with your families. Good luck and thankyou so much for your support. Jo. XXX.

Jo sorry to hear your sad news, but as others have said you now have some photo's and you are also able to help your step mom, I don't know the reason for yoy not speaking for 11 years, but it isn't just you who didn't speak, he could have made the move as well, I am enstranged from my mom, every day it hurts, and yes I have tried several times to mend the rift, but each time she shuts me out and I get hurt all over again, so remember even if you had tried harder you may have been hurt more, so just remeber the good times and don't knock your self out over this, each time you think of him it means that he is in a way still with you, try to be strong, and lots og HUGS for you from me. Bev

bec i feel that i will write to my father to say that we have to bury the past but we will never have that father daughter relationship again.it has gone on for too long.maybe writing a letter first might helpxxxxx(:

I am going to try and heal the rift between my mother and myself, having read all you stories. Maybe this Christmas we'll be a fmaily again?

i am in the same prediciment.i haven't seen my father for 12 years and we parted on very bad terms.he had neglected us as a father in what he done to my mother and to us aswell.not only did he treat us very badly so much that we are scarred as adults he also had numerous affairs and fathered twins which i only found out three years ago.my brother is pressuring me to see him even though i am old enough to make my own decisions and this is also the case for my sister who he has classed us as stubborn and somewhat selfish.i feel my brother is doing more harm than good and should let us decide.my father has a heart complaint so who knows how long he has to live.so sorry to hear about the death of your father and it must make you sad that he died without you saying goodbye.but like i always say.the departure of father daughter relationship like myself is never one sided.do not feel guilty.love and hugsxxxxxx(:

thinking of u jo xx

i am so so pleased that you decided to contact her.... and so pleased that the result of that call was positive..... you have both lost someone and this is the time to be coming together.... please do not feel guilty.... it's not a one way street out there!! :)

Keep your strength up Joanne you are in my thoughts Love Debs.

i understand fully what your saying and i feel for you and the way you are hurting right now, but for people like myself whos family choose not to want to know there is no choice but to stay away, sometimes we find that families are very different from ourselves and after years of trying to do the best for mine they threw it back in my face, they dont care now and for the last 3 years neither have i, and im happier for it,i too have wondered how i would feel if i were in the position you are now, but after 41 years im no longer willing to pretend that they give a damn cos they dont. please dont beat yourself silly over this, your grieveing and raw, but whatever happened in the past to estrange you happened and as previos people have said allready, there is more than one direction on a road... he could easily have come to you. i wish you well and think of you tonight.

I made contact with my father last year after 3 years not talking. Now we are friends again. But I will never love him as he hasnt been the best father in the past. Luther Vandross "Dance With My Father Again" and "The Living Years" by Mike And The Mechanics are both about losing your father.

Hi Jo, I did read your thread the other day and was so sad to hear about how things happened. BUT something positive has come out of it, thank goodness. I feel for you at the moment, but as they say - time does heal. Certainly not being flippant about what you're going through. It was also sad to read the other replies, and what others have been through. I feel for you. Glenys x

Joanne i am so glad you have some phot,s of your father,at least it can be something to remember him by. ((((hugs)))) Val

Hi Jo, I did not see your thread on Sunday but am so sorry to hear that your Dad has passed away. Don't beat yourself up! You are not to blame! (((Hugs))) Lindy xx

Thanks to all of you for replying. It's so good to know I have so many friends on here who help so much on getting everybody through things like this. Thanks so much for your support. Luv Jo.

My father died four years ago. We had a terrible relationship, he was a bully but somehow I couldnt break away, kept going back for more insults, verbal abuse etc. He made me feel terrible about myself.The day he died, I was working in an Old People's home and I was sitting with a resident who was dying. There is no time limit to a shift when someone is dying. When I finally got home, there was a message on my answerphone to say I needed to get to the hospital. I was too late. What an irony that I was sitting with a dying stranger while my own father died alone in a hospital. Yet again, he made me feel guilty for not being there. However, I have come to terms with it, realistically it wouldnt have made any difference to either me, or him - I could never have been the daughter he wanted and he could never have been the father I wanted, no matter how long either of us had lived. I am just beginning to be able to remember some good things about him. There is no point in feeling guilty, human relationships are very complicated and dont always have happy endings.Its no-ones fault - although, if its YOUR fault, then yes, you should apologise while you still have the chance.

HI JO i'm glad you decided to share this with us, (((((hugs))))) for you hun, your in my thoughts take care sandra

I've only lately made up with my grandad after a few years of ill feeling, and some very harsh words. Things will never be the same between us, but at least now I've made my peace with him and vice-verse. I really feel 4 u, and thank god that I came to my senses in time(he's ill). It's not worth feeling guilty about and tour dad wouldn't like to think of you feeling this way, after all, it was as much his choice as it was yours. Chin up. Craig

Jo, I just lost my dad two weeks ago. During the past 20 years he wasn't really in touch with my brother; neither one really made an effort to contact the other. Luckily, when we found out my dad was ill, he agreed to move closer to us so that we could visit him frequently. This also meant that he was also closer to my brother, yet the two only saw each other twice this year. I know you can't take back the past few years, but as someone already pointed out, your dad could have just as easily contacted you. I'm sorry for your loss, and for finding out the way you did. Thankfully, your dad's wife has agreed to talk to you and send you pictures as well. You might actually be able to help each other now. Being able to write to you might make her feel like a bit of your dad is still here. And, by her answering your emails, you might be able to learn more about your dad. I wish you the very best, Jo.

Awwwwww Joanne don't be so hard on yourself darlin' as it takes two.........he could have so easily contacted you over those 11 yrs. However I do feel for you. We only have one family and its irreplacable, but just like a good marriage it does take time and effort on all sides. Hugs Joanne Much happiness Debi