General Chat

Agree with Len, 100%. Some of us can cope... some of us can't... for those that can't counselling often helps. Having said that... yes I will agree that these days it seems that if you break a nail they suggest counselling. Never judge who needs it and who does not though. Noone (not even the counsellors) know what goes on in the minds of others, and in many cases people hide a multitude of problems. Just because someone seems well adjusted on the outside, does not mean they have not suffered terrible trauma. I'm rambling, so I'll shut up now.

I have read all the replies on this thread and am going to put in my twopennorth. I know two so-called Counsellors (qualified on a weekend course). I would not let either of them counsel my budgie - one of them is so opinionated, so sure he is right about everything, tells them exactly what they should do, feel and think (and then tells other people all about it). The other, quite frankly, gets his jollies hearing about sexual abuse. The trouble is, how on earth would an ordinary member of the public, in a state of distress, be able to sort out these two dangerous barmpots from GENUINE Counsellors?

Sorry Len, You have started typing before you properly read my comments. I freely admitted that Counselling is useful in some cases. I just question the seemingly prevalent idea that Counselling is necessary to anyone who has suffered anything from personal harm, to splitting up with a boy or girl friend. In my day we talked to friends and family, as has been stated earlier. Oh, and Rosemary, Yes I must apologise for my political incorrectness in using the word Cissies. However, I have not yet learnt what is the current buzzword for those who hide behind their Counsellor EVERY time something doesn't go as planned in their lives. Jim

Jim You have opened your mouth before you've got your brain in gear. Those (like you and me) who can get through life without help from someone who can "talk them through" traumas are the lucky ones. I too have been through a war and seen the worst of it, have lost a wife and child, and two brothers. My sister was killed by a hit and run driver but my ability to cope was due more to my upbringing than a strong backbone. It is an inner sense of ability to cope that brings us through it - and not everyone has that. Statistics show that about 80% of people who receive counseling benefit from it. With regard to mental depression, counseling usually brings people from it and they do not often have to have to return as they learn how to work out a life strategy - whereas those who depend on medication return to their GPs for treatment again and again. I guess that some police and social workers have a tendency to suggest counseling where it may not be appropriate, to cover their own backs. And it may always be declined. Len

jim went to councilling once and my own personal experience it didn't really help.had to face up to my demons on my own.made me a stronger person by far.xxxxx(:

Hallo Everyone, I have read every single responce to Granpa Jim's thread.I too was raised during the war years and I think we came from a'Stiff Upper Lip' British background.Yes we saw and experienced horrors and Yes we got on with it.I do however feel that along with this ramrod attitude there were many who suffered,unalbe to admit fear ,or true feelings even to their close families.This was seen as weekness.Grandpa Jim himself inadvertantly made a connection with this attitude that was prevelant thenwhen he used the term 'Cissies' for that is what anyone who expressed emotion,or an outward show of fear was called. Their misfortune was to be sensitive by nature and perhaps not so strongemotionally as the rest of us who could maintain the upper lip. I do think that the 'Councelling' for every eventuallity has gone too far.It should be available for those who feel the need for it. But what I do think is good about our more open acceptance of trauma,is that it has made it possible for people to admit fear without fear of victiminisation and fear of being branded a coward or cissie. We now encourage our children to speak up and mercifully this will lead to less abuse of young people. It is not so long ago that if a child did summon the courage to speak out,it was not believed and the abuser was free tocontinue. It is all part of the more open society,mYBE IN AN ATTEMPT TO GET IT RIGHT,the Councellors have been over zealsous.But we do have the veto ourselves.At least we have the choice. THANKS TO ALL ON THIS WONDERFUL SITE WHO HAVE BEEN MY COUNCELLORS-Hugs Rose

Brian, Yes I believe it is. I've had formal and "informal" counselling recently, and I have to say I've got more out of chatting to my friends online than I did through a trained counsellor. Paul

Bernie, I take exception to being called a quack. And the implication that I'm getting rich from other people's distress. I was a VOLUNTEER counsellor in my own time and the only costs involved were in my training, paid for by the charity I worked for. Some children suffer trauma far greater than seeing a dead pilot and counselling can help them. My father saw some dreadful things in WW2 and he DOES have nightmares about them but he doesn't talk to his ex-comrades about what they saw and what they went through. He is of a different generation. But he is glad that I am helping people. The people I have worked with are not wimps. It takes courage to talk about some things and they need all the support they can get. If you don't need help then good for you. But I hope your unsympathetic and intolerant attitude has not dissuaded anyone who needs help from seeking it from a reliable counsellor. Gwynne

A few years ago now I got attacked in the street and had to go to the hospital for cuts and bruises. After that I thought that I was going mad, as every man I saw looked like the guy who had attacked me. The Victim Support group knocked on the door and asked me if I required councilling. I said 'No, but could I just ask one question?, and I asked if what I was experiencing was normal. The person said yes it was but would go in time. They then asked me if I would like to go to councilling sessions. I thought of what people had been through in the war and had no help whatsoever, I thanked them but refused. I'm a strong person and have been through worse. Jo.

You are right Jim. During the WW1 my school was blown to pieces. (Saturday morning so I'm still here). We just laughed and enjoyed a few days holiday. My mates and I also went to see a crashed German plane and how we stared with morbid fascination at the pilot's intestines hanging from the telephone wires. No trauma, no counselling needed, we all got on with our lives. As far as I know not one of us ever had nightmares about these incidents and I have grown up to be a grandad who loves the peaceful life. Tell people that they need counselling and they will need it. It is a growth industry, £50/£60/£75 and more per hour charged by these quacks. We are breeding a nation of wimps.

Thanks Jim for starting this very interesting thread, it is good to get a serious debate going and, as somebody said up the page somewhere, to all join in with our different opinions and no disagreement. I think the current trend for counselling has become over used. For some cases and some people it is a very helpful stage in their recovery from trauma. The problem is it has become devalued because it is offered for every little thing. I think that counselling offered to school children after one or more of their friends has been killed is a good thing if it is a one off and not dragged out. Some of the children will not feel able to express their feeling to parents but may be able to do so among their peers. I had my best friend die when i was 13, I being a typical teenager, was not able to express my grief to my parents, nothing other than an announcement happened at school, i would have loved somebody to talk to me about her. Fellow teenagers, in those days (50s) didn't talk about personal things so I never really grieved properly for her. And, strangely after all these year, I miss her still. However, a lot of adults can cope with things on their own so presumable, like you Gaynor, they just refuse. a lot of people given the news that you were would really need someone to talk to. I think that is why we all admire your strength, we are not sure that we would be as strong. But, as you say, we are your 'counsellors' you feel you can talk to us, which is great and I am pleased that we are here to help you through it. But not everyone is as fortunate (if that is the right word). I think what I am saying Jim is, just because it wasn't there for people years ago doesn't necessarily make it a bad thing. But also i am saying that everyone is different, counselling will help some people and not others which is why they feel they have to offer it to all. I do agree though that they should stop and think before offering counselling for something relatively trivial such as a smashed windscreen. Sorry this is longer than I intended. Ann Glos

dont suppose the shell shocked soldiers of ww1 were offered counselling but that was a completley different time when attitudes towards emotional expression were slightly different, the same would apply to ww2 i suppose, we just live in a different time and our boys in iraq will no doubt be offered counselling for the extreme stress they suffered in war. look at the problems that this government is having with GULF WAR SYNDROME in this country the government will not accept that it exists because there would be a huge bill to pay if they did recognize it. yet in america it is recognised as a condition and they have evidence that it exists. we are living in more compassionate times, and counselling is part of that.

Bendy I wouldn't go to ebay if I were you. That's where I go when the chimneys need sweeping. Kids are cheapest on ebay. Try getting them into Acting or Advertising, that's what passes for child labour these days. I ask you, what use would Little Lord Fauntleroy be in a Cotton Mill? His Lacy bits would keep clogging up the machinery. Jim

Maz :-) X Jim

Maz, Thank you for sharing such a personal thing with us. I am glad that counselling did right by you. It just becomes devalued when it spreads too far. Jim

Bendy, Well, girl, you are open to offers. Let go of the past, be yourself and go for what you want. (That will be twenty guineas please). Lol Jim

My only experience of counselling was when I was depressed and was offered some at my GPs surgery. I dind't find it much use. I think there's a general trend towards getting other people to do things for you now, so they turn to counsellors to help them cope, as they turn to the tv gurus to tell them what to wear, how to decorate their houses, which holiday to take and how to plan their garden, not to mention finding out how dirty their house is! The trouble with common sense is that it isn't common any more and we are growing into a spoon-fed society. The school I work in has just started offering children fruit at breaktime and we've all been staggered by the number of children that have never peeled a banana or satsuma! It's all done for them, and they are growing into a prepared, pre-packaged pre-thought -out world with no idea about how to make decisions or be responsible for themselves. OK rant over. Now, what do you all think I should have for dinner tonight, and what should I wear tomorrow? Should I leave my husband and am I spending enough quality time with my children?

Bendy, The green van is on it's way, two men in white coats and a long sleeved jacket. Give him up girl. Do you really want a bloke who will sell his soul for a Cream tea? Find a man who will love your Yorkshire Puddin's. Jim

Jim I agree that counselling is over-used at the moment - I've seen damage caused by inexperienced counsellors who quite wrongly give advice which is then acted on by vulnerable people. I've never used it but do sometimes wonder if it might help me sort a few things out! I'm another one who tends to think that getting on with things is the best way - for me anyway. However! I have someone close to me who spent years keeping things locked away that she couldn't deal with and this led to a complete explosion of her whole life in her late 30s. For her, counselling is a life saver that is slowly helping her come to terms with extreme emotional difficulties in her past and present and which is stopping her from causing herself anymore harm. So basically while I'm irritated by people running for counselling for every day things we all have to deal with I think in the right hands for the right person counselling is a pretty good thing. We're all different and need different things David:)

Hi Gaynor, Thanks for joining in. I think the point is that I am not trying to be controversial, but commenting on a Society Shift which I have noticed in my lifetime. The one thing we can be certain of is that everything will change, and sometimes we pre-empt the change. And sometimes Politicians change things just to make a mark in History. It is when they occasionally change things for the worse that we must raise our voices. Take Apprenticeships for example. What idiot stopped them? The change I noticed may have been polarised and magnified by the Media, but it is summed up by someone's comments earlier that they Bussed a fleet of Counsellors into a town where a child had been killed. It is the contrast between what I remember and Today which I am highlighting, and, I suppose, trying to get a concenus of opinion as to which of the two ways is the most effective, or even, how exactly has Society changed in order for the current ideas to be more appropriate.