General Chat

Is there anyone else who, like me, finds it hard to accept the current attitude towards life's little hiccups? Seems to me that Counselling is the new panacea for everything from bereavement to a broken fingernail, or a bad haircut. Having been born during the bombing of London, Lost my mother at 3 months, lost an eye at 10, and many other personal disasters, I have never been offered Counselling. Hard work was always the cure. Has the Nanny State gone too far and trying to create a nation of Cissies who turn to their Counsellor for everything? I do not deny the occasional necessity, just think it is too widespread. Only my opinion, feel free to agree or disagree. Jim

I think it can be helpful in some cases for some personalities but do agree that the best medicine is to just get on with it! The more you dwell and dig deeper into things the bigger it all seems and makes you feel like a victim. Alot of us have had terrible things happen i just don't let it rule my life. That was then this is now!!!! Sarahx

Ann The same thing happened when my daughter's car windscreen was smashed outside the house. Nothing was taken, it was just kids messing about. The police didn't even come to see her, but a letter arrived two weeks later offering her counselling from victim support! On the other hand, I think counselling is preferable to doctors handing out anti depressants like sweets, which some still seem to do - mine included. Sue

Couple of years ago two of my sons were attacked in different circumstances. Middle son age 17 and friend who he was taking to train station was walking down main City Centre street at 10.30pm was threatened by three people who had followed them all down main street (according to police afterwards) with a knife for his money - he didn't have any - threw 30p at them and ran - friend fell and he went back and they got punched but not badly. (Police stated later than cctv wasn't good enough to idenify assailants). Few weeks later got a letter from Victim Support. Eldest son 18 a week later to the day - coming from work had got off bus at 11.30pm at bottom of road and was walking up cul de sac. Suddenly attacked from behind hit in face, glasses broken, nose probably broken, broken teeth. Doesn't know who or where these two blokes came from or why they did it. Police took statement - then nothing. Of the two I felt the second incident was more traumatic. Anyway counselling to me is just listening and letting people let out all their problems/fears and offering a few words of advice or comfort which most grannies did in my day without all these certificates to say they are qualified.

I must agree with Julie that at times of crisis we had Family and Friends to turn to. So why are our Social Services driving a wedge between us and our natural resources by telling us that "They are not Trained", and believing that the Professional Counsellors have the only answers? And, Roxanne, I was living in Birmingham when they tried to blow up the Rotunda. In fact my brother-in-law was in the Cinema around the corner, and, as a Nurse, was one of the first medical people on the scene. Counselling wasn't offered then, so why is it needed so much now? Or is the truth that really we don't need it as much as the Practitioners advertise? Jim

i dont see what the problem is, councelling can help some people, others it wont, if you are offered councelling then you have a choice...go to it or ignore it, its quite simple really. the police come in for alot of critisism and the reason they send offers of councelling is because they are critisized if they dont. some people out there genuinely benifit from councelling, being mugged can shake you up, as can being having your car broken into or smashed, some people react to those crimes different to others and as such might benifit from councelling.

As a trained counsellor myself, I feel that the decline of the extended family may have something to do with the necessity for the talking cure. I worked in an industry where people experienced trauma on a regular basis. Those who coped and got through it tended to be those who had support networks, family, friends, church and good supportive work colleagues. They were able to talk and work issues through.

I'd like to add a further point. Counsellor's don't have the answers to life problems and they should not pretend that they have. The client has the answers and the counsellor merely facilitates the client finding it. In my experience as a counsellor, I met with people who had been in therapy previously and had attended for years. What worried me is that they had viewed their previous therapist as being God and held onto they're evry word. I fortunately can see the fors and against. Counselling is certainly not about giving advise or solutions.

Yes, the breakdown of families has a lot to do with it. Also today's culture of work, work, work always on the go. You don't feel that you want to burden your family with your problems as they've got enough to do without you adding to their load so you keep them to yourself and drive yourself round the bend! So finding someone you can offload to is good for some but yes, some people do turn to this at the slightest little thing. Kxx

Hi Granpa Jim Like you I too have been through WW2, although being in Scotland we did not have the same amount of bombing as London, but our Clydebank Blitz was a terrible experience, and I cannot forget standing on our road one morning watching all the dead bodies being laid out then carted off in a lorry etc many other terrible sights were witnessed, what with all my family being scattered to God`s knows where at the time. However, no one then thought of counselling anyone, you just had to get on with life, anyway, what IS counselling after all but just just simply talking about what has happened, all that is needed for that is a friend or relative who is willing to listen and share grief etc. I was offered this so called counselling when my husband died, I don`t see how that would have helped, all I wanted to do was howl my eyes out and let grief take its natural course, then accepting that life goes on, pull up my socks and get on with it, the thought of moaning on and on to a stranger and wallowing in it, would not have helped me in the least, would in fact have delayed accepting what is a natural fact of life

Hi, In the past I worked as a volunteer counsellor for those with particular problems and with their families. The training was very intense and I think it has helped me as well as training me to help others. Counselling works for some people and not for others, as someone else said. If you don't need it, fine. Some people do and find it very helpful. Gwynne

It depends on the individual and the circumstances. I cannot really go along with the whole school having counselling when a child has died. Most children would not have known her/him but for someone who has had a traumatic time and have no friends or family it may help, after all you are mainly "getting it off your chest". When I was a child if you had a problem, when you sat down for your meal by the time it was over so was the problem. Trouble is nowadays not so many families sit down at the table. Pat

How many counsellors are there in the front line with our boys and girls in Iraq? You surely can't plead "Stress" and go back to barracks when the C.O. says "Attack". So why does Nanny Blair and Co Ltd. PLC.co.uk think the rest of us are so much in need. I would prefer to see much of the money spent on Counselling diverted to other uses such as providing homes for the homeless. Seems to me our Criminal Fraternity have got it made, food, housing, clothing AND counselling. Tell the guy in the cardboard box there is no money.

Hi Pat and Baz, For some people the problem is within the family - so who are they supposed to talk to? People like me. "The Family" is not always the cosy thing we would like it to be. And the only money spent on me was my training - the counselling I do as a volunteer. Gwynne

So far so good, Jim, Roxanne, Deborah, Baz, Gwynne and Pat have all had a say on this subject, and a very interesting debate I have found it. Some of their points were completely opposite, but, to everyone's credit, no-one has taken umbrage with the strong views expressed by the other. A lesson to be learned here I'm sure you'll agree. As I said "so far so good". Carry on with this topic, please. Brian, ;-0

i think everybody is different and we all cope differently, if you need couselling then fine, if you think you can manage to pull yourself through then fine. we all think and feel things in our own way, each to there own i say. :-)

nudge

Hi Gaynor, Thanks for joining in. I think the point is that I am not trying to be controversial, but commenting on a Society Shift which I have noticed in my lifetime. The one thing we can be certain of is that everything will change, and sometimes we pre-empt the change. And sometimes Politicians change things just to make a mark in History. It is when they occasionally change things for the worse that we must raise our voices. Take Apprenticeships for example. What idiot stopped them? The change I noticed may have been polarised and magnified by the Media, but it is summed up by someone's comments earlier that they Bussed a fleet of Counsellors into a town where a child had been killed. It is the contrast between what I remember and Today which I am highlighting, and, I suppose, trying to get a concenus of opinion as to which of the two ways is the most effective, or even, how exactly has Society changed in order for the current ideas to be more appropriate.

Jim I agree that counselling is over-used at the moment - I've seen damage caused by inexperienced counsellors who quite wrongly give advice which is then acted on by vulnerable people. I've never used it but do sometimes wonder if it might help me sort a few things out! I'm another one who tends to think that getting on with things is the best way - for me anyway. However! I have someone close to me who spent years keeping things locked away that she couldn't deal with and this led to a complete explosion of her whole life in her late 30s. For her, counselling is a life saver that is slowly helping her come to terms with extreme emotional difficulties in her past and present and which is stopping her from causing herself anymore harm. So basically while I'm irritated by people running for counselling for every day things we all have to deal with I think in the right hands for the right person counselling is a pretty good thing. We're all different and need different things David:)

Bendy, The green van is on it's way, two men in white coats and a long sleeved jacket. Give him up girl. Do you really want a bloke who will sell his soul for a Cream tea? Find a man who will love your Yorkshire Puddin's. Jim