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Why can’t I grieve or Why I can’t grieve? For those who don’t know of me, my wife Rita died in 29 Oct. Since then I have come to letting my grief come out on many occasions, but I control it because I am frightened that I will lose her forever. It is said that when you dream that your spirit roams, connected to your body by a silver cord (chord?). During the weeks that Rita was in hospital the house, allthough empty of her person her spirit was still connected. The house still feels the same, she is still connected. I feel that if I grieve her departure I will break that cord and lose her. There again am I being selfish in holding her spirit to this mortal world? Should I grieve and let her go and be free? Should I grieve and let her go free? Brian

You are not being selfish at all. Although you may not think you are grieving, you are. Everything you are feeling is natural. God bless. Joy

Brian You are still in shock. Your loss is very fresh. Take each day as it comes. Everyone deals with the loss of a loved one differently. You are in my prayers, Brian. Anne

brian grieving i feel is the love that you lost not to forget about her.from a person that really knows rita will always be with you.even though you cannot see her she will be there.they show signs just like when my friend died of cancer.she came to me in a dream to tell me that i could not come into where she was that her body was no longer there.but a month after she let me know that she was in something that she loved and i bought her to try and cheer her up .that was daffodils as they were so bright and cheered me up when i was down.now take into account that i had lived at my property for a number of years and daffodils had never grown in my garden ever.well sure enough she wanted me to know that she was still there in spirit but not in body.that spring daffodils grew in my garden both sides.two big ones and the little ones on the other side.from that day on i knew that she will always be with me for as long as i am on this earth until i meet her in gods house one day.believe brian.she is with you.love and hugsxxxxxxxxxx(:

Brian I believe in life after death. My mum passed to spirit at 38 the same age I am now. My dad was the same age. When we go, we are never far away, "just a whisper away" My dad went on to meet someone else, but never forgot my mum. nearly 24 years later my stepmum has also gone. I go to my spiritulist church a lot and over the years mum has come through (giving me personal proof that it is her). there have been times when I thought the same thing, would the link be severed between us and love be lost. Well i can say it never has, and I too can speak for my dad. You are just living a different way of life without her, it doesnt mean that shes gone, even if you may not feel her there. As your soulmate, she will be guiding you through life and would want you to live it to the full, just as mum did with my dad. Elaine x

Hi Brian, You will never lose Rita, she will always be with you what ever you do. Don't think about what you are doing, if you feel like smiling then smile, if you want to cry then cry. Above all give yourself some time. Jo.x.x.x.

Oh Brian, I do think you're being too hard on yourself. Rita IS free, and with you, she always will be. At least she's not suffering anymore. As someone said just now, it's still too raw for you and you need to do what you feel. She was obviously a lovely person for you to miss her so much. Look after yourself, and grieve when you feel you're able to. Have a bloody good cry, and don't "control" it Brian! You'll never lose her. Best wishes to you and the family, Glenys and Bob xx

Brian, You will grieve when the time is right. There is no wrong or right way to deal with this. There is also no timescales. Rita will always be with you. At my Godmothers cremation , a Red admiral Butterfly flew into the Crematorium, just as the curtains began to close. Whenever I see a Red Admiral I feel that she is with me. Its funny realy because you only see them in the summer months and she hated the winter and cold.

written by Sir Laurence Olivier "Death is nothing at all. I have only slipped away into the next room. I am I and you are you. Whoever we were to each other we are still. Call me by my old familiar name, speak to me the easy way you always did. Put no difference into your tone, wear no forced air or solemnity or sorrow. Laugh as we always laughed at the little jokes that we enjoyed together. Play, smile, think of me, pray for me. Let my name be forever the household word that it always was. Let it be spoken without effect, without the ghost of a shadow on it. Life means all that it ever meant. It is the same as it ever was, absolutely unbroken continuity. What is death but a negligible accident? Why should I be out of my mind because I am out of sight? I am but waiting for you, for an interval, somewhere very near, just around the corner."

brian she will never leave u in a way because of ur love together and ur memories it must b so diffiicult at this time and im hopeless at putting stuff into words but i hope u realise that we r all here for u lou xx

Brian I am so sorry for your loss. You will grieve in your own way when the time is right it will just happen. Do not be hard on yourself it is early days yet. I will be thinking of you. Kindest Regards Margaret

Brian, just another message to let you know, that we all grieve in different ways, when my father-in-law died, I was strong for my then husband, our son's and for my mother-in-law, I also felt like I should be grieving but didn't think I was, what was wrong with me I loved that man like he was my own father, then 6 months later a friend at work lost her granddaughter in an accident, and the flood gates opened for me while I was trying to be strong for her...so as you can see, it happens when you least expect it, and yes I still felt him around after so they never leave us..even now I still some times have that funny feeling, and smile, he's still around. Bev

Brian, I truly am so sorry, don't be so hard on yourself, you're certainly not selfish in any way. There is no set time/way to grieve, each person is different. You will find your own way to handle this and you will always have your special memories - nobody and nothing can ever take those from you. Wishing you all the very best. Love Kxx

Brian you will grieve in your own time, and in your own way, everyone is different and deals with it in different ways. Take Care thinking of you Sandra

Brian, your message struck a real chord with many of us here. I hope from everyone's message, you can see that we are all still connected to our loved ones, even though they are gone. My Dad didn't cry when my Mam died after 40 happy years together. Her last two years were agony and we all cried endlessly as we watched her suffer. When she passed, Dad said he couldn't feel her near him anymore, and he was upset because my sister and I could, and felt guilty cos he couldn't cry. My sister and I could feel Mam and hear her talking to us, and my brother could see her. Dad didn't cry at all for 7 months, and this worried him as it worries you. Then Dad went on holiday with my sister to a favourite place--the Lake District where we had many family holidays as kids. Being there brought the memories flooding back, and Dad wept terribly for the whole time he was there. It was very distrssing for him, til I pointed out it was perfectly normal and what does it matter if people see him walking down the street in floods of tears? He didn't know anyone there and it liberated him to let it out. Dad came back from that holiday a changed man. He felt free to express his sadness, but also free to smile at the memories. Something else happened too--Mam came back to him. Because he'd rid himself of the 'block' inside him, he started to feel her presence, hear her voice, and even dreaming beautiful dreams of her. The bond you had with Rita can never be broken. It is such early days for you--my Dad and I agree it does get easier after the first year, when all the first anniversaries are over. I still cry for my Mam, but I also laugh and hear her laughing. I still treasure silly little things--her teddy, a letter, an old shopping list, her cook books with scribbled notes in--all kept safe in a special box. These things would mean nothing to anyone else, but they mean the world to me because when I look at them, it's like she's right there with me. I am sure you will find the same. Just give yourself the time that you need--and as long as you need. And remember there are plenty people here to talk to! XX

Brian As many wise people on this site have said - grief takes on many forms. Give yourself time. Do not worry about where or when-you will know when you want to grieve. Lots of love Liz

Brian I like the rest have lost a loved one - my nanna this year and I was so desperate to know that she was alright I started going to the spiritualist church - I also became obsessed with finding my ancestors and any living relative so I joined GC - I have come across so many lovely people on this site that now it becomes almost a daily ritual to log on and see whose around. With regard to grieving - I personally believe that we do NOT grieve for those we have lost ( as they have gone to a better place) but for ourselves - I notice that on my Life after Death thread that you have written a comment about your wife "visiting" you - therefore you do not have to grieve as the love you felt for her is reciprocated as she still wants to be around you and with you. We may lose the body of the person we love and the company also - but the one thing we NEVER lose is the memories we hold in our brains. I wish you well my friend and hope that my words have some form of comfort for you. I still miss my nan terribly but the memories help to ease the pain of her not being here in person with me. God Bless T J X

Brian I am so sorry to hear about Rita you are in my thoughts and prayers grieveing takes on many forms you should not hold it in you will never break the bond you have so let you emotions go when ever you want you need to go through all the diffrent stages of grief to heal. We are all here for you we will help you though this I promise. Love Debs.

Brian,you are in my thoughts, you are not being selfish, Rita will always be with you xxxxxxxxxxx