General Chat

Somebody somewhere has been cloning teenage girls! I 've got one too, in her GCSE year, behind in everything, no course work done. Spoke to her until I am blue in the face about throwing away her future, not getting into college etc, etc. Parents evening last week and every single teacher told me what a lovely polite, smiley, bubbly girl she was - but they couldn't get any work out of her!! She does nothing around the house, and yet, her grandma had a major operation last week and lives on her own. She volunteered to go and stay with her to help her out as she cannot lift anything. Glowing reports of how helpful she is, can't do enough cleaning, cooking etc. I had high hopes that she would be a changed girl when she came home. No such luck - she reverted back to type. I blame myself entirely, if I didn't do it, she wouldn't expect it, the other 2, boys aged 19 and 8 are the same. Having said that, they are all my babies and I love it really- most of the time! But don't they just try our patience? Carol

Hi Jeanette. Had the same problem with my daughter, didn't matter how much we told her that her exams were important, she just wouldn't revise, I said that you need the results to get into college, her reply was no they don't they'll take us from our school.ughh.. But have to say she did well and got onto the course she wanted, But I do know that if they hadn't done their course work, they could be taken out of the exam all together, does she realise that, Pat

Write to school and ask for progress update on all coursework. Get staff to identify what needs to be done by when to catch up. Sit daughter down and 'chunk' the work, drawing up a timetable. Tell her she can go out with boyfriend (who MUST collect her from home) ONLY after requisite amount of coursework done each evening. She may not get ready for evening out until work is done. If necessary boyfriend can sit and wait for her to complete work. Forget about housework until exams are over. Life is too traumatic for arguments about that as well! Best of luck Beth

Ah, Jeanette I feel for you. Went through the same situation with my eldest. Said 'she didn't feel loved'. I was gob-smacked! Especially as I had become unpaid taxi driver, taking her too and from school for show rehearsals, shopping trips to town to buy costume, etc for said show. Getting her there for the performance, ensuring she eat before going and being a general dogsbody. This all happened because dad and I said we weren't happy with her going to see a boy in another town and staying overnight. We didn't know anything about or where he lived. She considered us to be unreasonable. If we showed an interest, we were too nosey. If we didn't, we obviously didn't care. Damn if you do, damn if you don't. I can only sympathise wholeheartedly.

i LOVE IT bIG Shaz, Senior moment here,I forgot what I was going to add.Oh Yes,got it. My sister in law is on her own with her two 13 and 16,boy and girl.She works extrememly hard up at 4am baking and running her own bakery.Her house is a tip.The kids never do a thing,not even clean the loo after they have used it or wash the basin ,bath or shower after themselves. I cannot say anything and I keep my mouth shut.But I do feel that these two should have been brought up to do more of their share.They never lift a finger. That was what I meant about Family Conference.We all make it dirty,we all clean it. I always thought that some future daughter in law would be pleased that I had brought them up to do anything around the house. Rose

Hi Jeanette My grandaughter will be 14 in December and last Friday her Mum my daughter Sue said I don't know what's happening to her she is getting really lippy and keeps answering back So I stood there went through the actions and did all the moaning and asked is it like this. because this is what you were like at the same age My 16 year old grandson has a girl friend and in summer when they were taking their GCSE's she had more influence over him than his mum, she made him sit down and study Things are a bit differnet now they are at college When my 4 were younger and they started arguing and all talking at once I used to make them draw lots as to who had to speak first and when it came to the crunch most of the time none of them had amything to say Hope you can sort things out with your daughter Love Bren

Get your own back everyone.I remember that when mine were all late teens I used to refer to them as ELDERLY TEENAGERS- rOSE

I'm expecting to hear allsorts at the parents evening but I'll let you know how I get on anyway Jeanette and you can let me know how you go... We will compare notes .. LOL Shaz x

Shaz lol. Sounds like all teenage girls are the same then! I too have parents evening tomorrow so we'll have to have a chat and see what they say. Jeanette x

Jeanette, My letter listed 4 subjects that she is behind with and of course if I say anything to her then its a case of ... You hate me!! Your only stressy with me!! Why is it always me you pick on!!! Oh thats right pick on my and not the blue eyed boy!! Infact the only time she doesnt gob off about something is when I'm praising her... infact she doesnt even seem to notice and only ever notices when I have a go at her!! Mind you I have a parents evening at her school tomorrow night so we'll see what comes of that. Shaz x

Shaz Doesn't it come as a shock? I thought everything was going along hunky dory. One of the subjects she is behind in is Child Development and she wants to work with children. The 2 letters I got came from the same department as they have made it their policy to send out letters when the kids get behind. This doesn't happen in any of the other departments so I am now wondering if she is behind in any other subjects. Jeanette x

Jeanette,,,, It must be the day of letters... I got one this morning too telling me that my daughter is behind with her coursework... shes in GCSE year too!! I never had this bother with my older two... but then they are boys and everyone says girls are the worst... LOL I have the younger ones to go through yet too!! My youngest doesnt even start school till 2006 so by the time he gets to this stage I'll be ripping my hair out!! Shaz x

Rose I like the idea of a family round table conference. To be honest they're all as bad as each other including their Dad! They can't even manage to put a new toilet roll on the holder when the last one's run out! I don't mind doing anything for them as long as I get a bit back in return. I think they think cos I don't work that its my job to go round clearing up after them. Again I don't mind as long as they are condiderate of what they expect me to do - which they aren't at the moment. A big shake up required all round I think! Jeanette x

How about a family round table conference. We all make this house untidy,we all need clean clothes etc etc. As you all know I had five all under five to begin with and returned to teaching when the youngest was 8 months old.As my boys grew up jobs that had to be done around the house were done on a rota system.Everyone knew wtat responsibility was all about.We pulled together. My father in law was the sort who expected to sit in a chair and have everything done for him.I told all of mine that I had no intention of bringing up parasitic males.My boys can all cook and clean.They had to.If they wanted a shirt then they had to wash it as they were old enough. Youngsters rise to what is expected of them.They do actually have a well defined sense of fair play. With regard to studying have you tried putting the responsibility for her studying in her own hands. My friend has two daughters and he has a wonderful way with them.When they go out he never TELLS them to be in by any particular time.He always says 'What time do you think is reasonable' They have made the decision and never let him down. Would this work with the studying/seeing boyfriend routine. Ash her what she thinks is a reasonable arrangement You may be surprised. We got through teenage pretty well with all of ours.I think they are all pretty nice guys - RoseThey are now 43,41 and 39yrs old

Good for you ! It WILL be hard but I am sure you will see the benefit after a couple of weeks (very long weeks!! lol). You have a place at the TOP of the household along with your husband and asserting your authority may come as a bit of a shock but it will make sure that at least you are your own person instead of everybody else's! lol Good luck Magsxx

Hi Mags I did think about having a word with the boyfriend actually. Now you've mentioned it I think I will. Yes she does rather treat this place like a hotel and me as her skivvy. Infact the 8 year old is probably better than her. She asks if she can wash up and hoover from time to time. I think part of the problem is that me and my partner have different views about chores and such. And both my kids are very adept at playing us off against each other. I went to see him at work today cos I was in such a tizz and said that I was going to be the 'boss' from now on cos his laid back approach ain't getting us nowhere! lol Jeanette x

My son did his GCSE's last year and it was a nightmare trying to get him to study at home. He kept saying that he'd had study time at school and didnt want to do it at home which is understandable at that age. Ive always thought it was a bad age to have to knuckle down and be serious what with hormones and all that. Ive also got 2 daughters aged 8 and 10 and ive an awful feeling they will be much harder to deal with! In the end he did ok with his exams so maybe i worried too much.

Thanks for that Nicola. I think I'm being fair too. It's parents evening tomorrow only I wouldn't have known if we hadn't got these 2 letters. She doesn't give me the form to fill in so I don't get any appointments! Have managed to get 3 appointments directly through the school though. I must admit she does rather remind me of me when I was her age though! lol Jeanette x

Have you tried talking to the boyfriend on the quiet? If she won't listen to you - she might listen to him. Are you still doing everything for her while she treats you like a hotel?? I think if she's made to feel 'like she's not one of the family' you ought to go to the whole hog and withdraw services like washing and catering for a start ! And I expect she'll still expect her pocket money at the end of the week? lol. I think she needs a bit of reality check. Get it right with this one and the next will be a doddle lol Even an 8 year old can do chores you know. Try taking the plugs off the computer etc!! I must have been a wicked mother - but they still talk to me and there always seemed to be a houseful of other people's kids - so I can't have been that bad lol Magsxx

I think you are being very fair with your daughter - two nights I feel it adequate for course work!!! She will thank you one day - I did with my mum when I grew up and admitted she was right!!! Hope it works out!!! lol