General Chat

Thanks Len and all I will never bless that man - I hope he rots - the psychological upset he has caused me is nobodys business - I wouldn't wish him on my worst enemy. Thanks to all once again - I will keep you posted Love TJ

Thanks Tracy, I will do that. Must be a culture shock for the corms to be moved from the Scillies Up here in the Chilterns. Hope your garden business with your friend prospers. Maybe that unpleasant man did you a favour by causing you to change the course of your business life. Perhaps, one day, you will bless him? len

peter sounds like a gentleman i know who doesnt comment much on these boards, but always willing to help people, not many about like you, tracey im so pleased for you and hope you have blown your own trumpet to hubby about your new job and what a brill bit of news. if you ever want to moan again feel free to , hope we can all be of help always. well done

Len - You are forcing these sparaxis to grow by keeping them in the greenhouse (false temperatures) - they should be planted outside in November in the ground/pots and left to go thro' the period of cold in the winter then in feb/march time they should start to shoot - when the ground is warming up and then flower spring/early summer. I think I would let them do what they have to do - BUT TAKE THEM OUT OF THE POTS AFTER FLOWERING IN SUMMER and let them rest - they are exhausting themselves and then replant at the back end of October into November and PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE let them grow when they are supposed to. Love TJ XX

Hi Tracy Glad you're on the up and up. I planted my sparaxis in a large pot in 2003 and they bloomed in my green house spring 2004 and died down. Now they are about 4" high again, outside, and I wondered if I should move them into shelter for the winter? Bought them in the Scilly Isles - no cultural instructions. Look with wonder at at that lays before you. len

I agree with that comment J P ............. Now then Len are you just testing me - Sparaxis is a corm (form of bulb) planted in November (Common name:- Harlequin Flower) Plant 7.5cm (3in) deep and at a space of 10cm (4in) apart. They are a beautiful flower very very colourful indeed. So the answer to your question Len is YES they are hardy if they are to be planted in November and survive the frosts for flowering in Spring/early summer oh by the way they are 15 - 45 cm (6 - 18in) high - just don't forget to lift the corms and remove the cormlets (baby ones) after flowering in summer. Thanx to all who have been kind enough to give me advice and strength to carry on - Sorry I moaned but sometimes it is better to put down in words what you are feeling. Good News now -------- -------------- Put my first estimate in today for a gardening job. Love TJ

Tracy I see all but one here are women so from a man let me say Stick to your gun If you whant to pay for your part of the car that is your right. Do'nt let any one stop you. You might think all men are Bas***erds considering what you have said. and in some cases I would agree with you but some of us try to treat women as they should be. I will not say equals as quite often they are better than us. but I will say with as much respect as any man. Do'nt lower your self tell your self your true worth and then tell every one eles. Stand tall and be proud of who you are.

Pity you're so far off - my garden could do with a bit of maintenance. Is sparaxis hardy? len

Good luck Tracy! Now you and hubby have got to go and have some quality time together! All the best, Glenys x

Well done tracy and good luck with the new venture. Ann Glos

I'm going to throw my bit in even though I think you know what you're doing. I am young(ish) (turned 22 on Monday) and have been in a relatively similar situation as your son. What he now may deem as acceptable and what he deserves, in the future he will not. Right now he wants what he needs (he's a young man, most of his friends have cars etc) even though he doesn't really need a car. He just wants one. Bear in mind that if you refuse him he will be angry and resentful but in the long run he will understand that you love him and have supported him. Sometimes at 17 it seems like the whole world is against you, he will learn in due time. He is very lucky to have you as a mum!

Tracy I am pleased for you and hope all works out well now. Remember you have people who can at least be here for you. Take Care and hugs ((((0))))to you. Pat x

Ok .............. ok ................ ok ................ I hear you all and thank you very very much - had word with son and he has accepted the fact I am without a job and cannot afford it. Hubby has kept quiet and not said another word about it - tension now eased at home and more importantly I have been offered a partnership with my friend doing garden maintenance - just refining all the final details - 2day I smiled for the first time in a long time (and meant it) - I didn't get to sleep while 3 am this morning after yesterdays episode with boss. Today I am tired but I now have something to look forward to. So I sincerely thankyou all. Lots of love to all T J

I won't try and give any advice on marriage, because I'm no expert. However, I'd like to give my two pennorth on the car issue, if I may. When I was 17 (not too long ago), my parents could only afford to give me one driving lesson for my birthday. I had to pay for the rest myself - it meant me working 2 evenings a week and weekends, in between juggling around schoolwork for my A levels. I couldn't afford a car, neither could my parents. As I wanted to be independent, I bought myself a second hand moped, which I used until I could afford a car. I worked 2 summers in a building site to save up enough. What you have to bear in mind is not just buying the car, tax and insurance - young lads like to drive around a lot, to impress. This costs money, also older cars need more maintenance. If you put a rough estimate together of ALL costs, including annual fuel costs etc, or better still, ask your son to, and then tally up his income. He could come up with some ideas of his own how to finance it. Or put off the idea for a while. It worked for me and set me in good stead for later. Just a suggestion. D

If you are expected to buy your son a car, will your second child expect the same at 17? That then commits you to financing two cars. Explain to your son why this is not financially possible at the moment as you are without a job. As for your husband, I would quietly remind him that he may one day be in your position with his job, would he expect you to keep him?

Hi Tracy, I do symperthise with you, 1st off you did the right thing getting out of a job that makes you unhappy, the next problem, about your son is a tough one, my son is from a broken home as they call it, I did help him with his driving lessons, and had him put on my insurance, mistake number one, within a couple of months the car was pranged...so I told him he had to buy it off me and I got another one, he never asked me to buy him a car and if he had I would have told him the lessons and test was enough, it might be the right time to let him know that. I also have had some probs with son and new hubby, most time I keep quiet, but the one day I just exploded and told them both that if they loved me they would not behave like kids, I told them to learn to talk not bicker like kids or I would bang their heads together, they both looked sheepish and said they were sorry, my step daughter was there and nearly wet herself laughing, as this time it was her dad and not her getting the roasting, so as others have suggested try talking to both of them and let them both know that you feel like piggy in the middle that you love them both but this situation has to stop as you are nearing braking point. Bev

tracey glad you chucked your job, youll start to feel more confident as the days go by, it must have dragged you down with a boss like that. as for your hubby and son , you still have my sympathy. our daughter is 18 and hubby and i have argued more about her than we have our son, mainly because they , hubby and daughter know how to use me as piggy in middle. he says one thing and she says next, i even get txt messages from him in work and her at boyfriends, so i just send his to her and hers to him, that soon stopped them. i often tell them i they speak same language so dont need me to translate for them. drives you mad, we had same dilema about car and was going to attempt birthday pessie but a cheeper car, she was happy with that, thanks to my dad and the fact if he can hell help us kids , he helped with purchase of car . i hope this all gets sorted out for you soon thinking of you, ask son if he can wait till hes 17

tracy you need some me time.just get away for a week and discover who you are again.sometimes we all feel like that me for one feels sometimes that i am just a wife and mother and nothing else.why not get a friend to go with you and discover life and you again.have a few drinks and a laugh.love and hugsxxxxx(:

Thank you all for your kind regards and advice - My son is 17 in april and the idea was to allow him the car to drive in between driving lessons - as he is having his driving licence for his birthday along with a block of driving lessons - he lived with his dad when we split up (his choice) and dad was so bitter that he poisoned my sons mind - I never paid maintenance towards my son as I had my daughter - it was an agreement thro' the court but we both decided to pay the children pocket money so that they didn't miss out. The relationship between my son and myself has improved slightly throughout the last two years. I can hear you all thinking why is she upset at the car when her son is only 16. The car is a corsa on an N plate - has full service history, only 51,000 miles on the clock and is for sale for the sum of £1275. His dad was to pay £675, pay one years insurance and the tax when it expires. With regard to work issues I quit today as I couldn't take anymore of the boss picking on me for nothing and I mean literally nothing - not once but twice. This has been going on for weeks and today I just snapped. I rang hubby and told him what I'd done and he just said "right ok" - since he has come home he hasn't said a word about it - only that I had done right at last - with regard to money issues I know that we are ok financially and that we have the money. He says that no - one bought his first car and that kids of today appreciate things more when they buy things themselves. Maybe he is right I don't know!!!!!!!!!!!

Don't think the real issue is between your husband and self but rather the relationship between your husband and son. What puzzles me is that your son is saving a student grant towards maintenance? Knowing students - they use every penny and more never mind saving. Your husband probably feels that both you and he have had a lot of stick from your son re breakup of first marriage and that your son is pressurising you - emotional blackmail in other words. Don't let this become an issue between you and your husband - he is probably saying a lot of things he wouldn't normally say - re paying your way. I think he feels hurt for both of you. Never give in to blackmail no matter who is using it. Ann