General Chat

Many of you have helped me and supported me before and I could do with your help again. A quick summary: My boyfriend finished with me after 2 years together. He said it was due to my job and then 3 days later he had a new girlfriend. Now the 'new' couple will be joining our circle of friends and I really don't know what to do. I don't want to leave all my friends but am not sure I can handle seeing him with her (it's been just over a week since he finished it!). I actually feel physically unwell, can't stop crying, can't eat or drink. I just don't know what to do, Helpless Bec

Slap a smile on!...good make up to cover the puffy eyes and don't let him know how you feel!...Grin, chat and act like nothing's wrong! Then go home and have a good bawl! Be happy - it's the season for office parties! - you may even hook a bloke that's celebrating one in the pub! Thinking of you Auntie Magsxx

I think sweetie that she will be feeling worse than you about joining the group.... DO NOT LET HIM DRIVE YOU OUT OF THE CIRCLE.... it's him and her that have to work at being accepted NOT YOU!! Glam up, look stunning and hold your head high even if you are crying inside!! And remember that you know all his faults that she is yet to find out, so drop lots of "Do you still do that?" when he makes any comments that appear intimate!! :O)

Thanks Mags It's so dificult. I feel like I'm in a whirlwind. One minute I'm fine about it and then the next I'm inconsolable. One minute I'm wishing he'd change his mind, then I'm excited at the prospect of finding someone so much better than him. So many conflicting emotions!

Bec, hun...oh blimey im in tears here...no we aint got the same situations..im hurting too, although i have done it too meself. You aint alone here, we are all here for you. Of course its gonna tear you up what he has done to you...but hunny imagine if it had happened 2 more years down the line, you just need to keep going sweetie, look, who is better off here!! you have your new career, your new life ahead of you, your own place, and come on lets face it, your mates are closer to you aint they!! xxxx

Diana - I LOVE that last bit! lol...add to that - should she mention anything - 'Oh yes! he used to do that/say that to me too...soooo annoying!' Magsx

Di' I really do not know what I'd do if I was sat there with our friends and they came in and joined us. I reckon she'd be scared to as I'm a very confident (usually) person and have been known to have a sharp tongue. But I don't even feel that angry towards her, I'mannoyed that she liked him when he was with me and obviously pursued him in some way. Ultimately she's a little girl (17) and I am a woman (22)!

absolutely Mags.... it kills them when an ex knows more than they do!! :O) And we so have to have a little dig!! :O)

Pity you diddnt have a pair of his oldest underpants still at home. Give them to him in front of all and say" oh you left these at mine." or when you meet his new woman, in front of everyone Introduce yourself as His ex girlfriend of only 2 weeks. Then ask him if he kept that appointment at the clap clinic. E x

Thanks Steedie. Sorry to hear you're feeling down too. I had thought how much worse it'd be if we were married/had children/lived together etc. The problem it's very difficult to be rational when I'm so shocked still.

You smile sweetly and don't let your anger towards her show.... you really still can use your wit... she probably isn't bright enough to understand it but he can explain it to her later!! Which will be so cringeworthy!!

Hi Bec, I am so sorry. As the cliche goes it is a roller coster ride with loads of ups and downs but it will get better in time, more ups and not so many downs. Don't give up on your circle of friends or let him drive you away. Put on your glad rags and a big smile and have a fun time (even if you may feel awful inside). The best way to get back at him is to show him how wonderful you are without him. What you're feeling is normal, I've been there myself. Go and show him what he's missing!! All the very best. Kxx

To be honest with you hun...im feeling much better today, just worried about you!! you deserve and will get alot better!! xxxx

It's early days Bec! - I have been through that sort of thing too - (MANY MANY MOONS AGO! lol) when my first engagement ended. You WILL get over it but it does take time. Don't wear your heart on your sleeve - he just ain't worth it from the sound of it! I'm sure it won't be too long before you can introduce YOUR new partner to HIM! Big Hug Magsxx

Thank you everyone Yesterday I was prepared to flee my home town and start anew. Now I think I can handle it. I will endeavour to start going to different places and moving on. I just is so incredibly hard. Our social group is very tight and includes his sister and husband who I am very close to. Now I feel I need to back off to let the new girlfriend in! It's all happened so quick. His parents had even bought me Christmas presents (was supposed to spend Christmas with them!) and now they will need to return them or give them to the new girl.

Don't you dare back away quietly to allow her in.... you were there first and if your friends want you to stay then you stay!!

The truth is he didn't make me even 80% happy. In fact he was a bit of a waste of space and even a couple of weeks before we split people were saying that they couldn't believe I was still with him. He has no ambitions, does not want to commit and was a pretty awful boyfriend!

Bec the same thing happened to me a few years ago. The only difference was I was 7mth pregnant! Like you we had the same group of friends and I was damned if I was going to let them make me feel uncomfortable! The girl that he had actually left me for was just 16...10yrs younger than him. So I kept telling myself that it wasnt just her fault, when all was said and done she was just a kid! The worst moment came when they both walked in together, everybody just went quiet and looked at me. So there was nothing for it other than to smile sweetly and invited them to sit at our table! I think the fact that I hadnt blown my stack and knocked her round the room (which is what I really wanted to do) unnerved them more than anything and about an hour later they both left and never joined our company again. I cried buckets later that night but also felt very proud of myself!!! So stick your chin out and be both polite and cheerful! Try to act like you are not really bothered and I will be surprised if you dont actually end up enjoying yourself.....Good luck Bev

Bev - I cannot imagine how hard that was for you but you, and the other messages on here have inspired me. * I just popped out and joined the gym next door. I need to lose a couple of stones but never did whilst with the ex- because he said i didn't need to (actually wanted to keep me unhappy with my body so I wouldn't run off with anyone else!) * I'm going to ring my mum and accept her invitation for Christmas Day. * I'm going to throw myself into my new job. *I'm not going to move away and start a new life (yet!) I'm going to bloody well work through this, Yes I will be on here feeling sorry for myself and down at times. BUT I will sit with my friends in that pub and invite him and Emma to join us. I will be friendly to her and him. I am going to survive this and not only that but I will be such a better person for it! All my love Becx <who has had a sudden inspiration> "At times you feel that you've lost a lot, in fact, you've gained a great deal. If you're looking for new directions take your time and consider all options - you may be better staying put, at least in the short-term. You've been given some wonderful opportunities to shape your own destiny and, even if a situation can't be solved, at least there is now a way out - and you will have things much more under control"

Bec....your wonderful...goof for you honey all my love and huggles xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx