General Chat

The funeral threads have set me thinking about strange customs.My friend Anne died and her husband had her coffin open for an afternoon on his patio.Anyone who wanted to go anf pay respects went along. Another man had his wife lying in state in her bedroom inthe 50 in a village where I lived. Are any other old customs still being kept alive around the counrty?-Rose

Iam nudging as some interesting comments may be added

When my gran died in 1965, my mum travelled to Wales for the funeral, in the little village. She didn't attend though as the funeral was 'Gentlemen Only', the menfolk of the village carrying Gran from her home to the village church and burial, while the women all stayed behind making sandwiches etc. I think Mum would have liked to have gone to her mother's funeral, but is not one to make a fuss and stand up to what was expected. I don't know if this still happens anywhere in Wales though.

A Catholic friend of mine went to her cousin's funeral back in Ireland only a few years ago and the coffin was laid out - open - in the house. My grandad was also a staunch Catholic and requested in his funeral requirements that his body lay in the open coffin in the Cathedral for the night prior to the funeral mass. Up until this time, his coffin was open at home. Friends and family did 'shifts' in the Cathedral so that he wasn't alone. Got me weepy now! Mandy x

Hi, Gentlemen only funerals used to be the custom in my Welsh family. It was relaxed in the late 60s and women were allowed at the service but not at the graveside/crem. The most recent funeral in the family was attended by women and older children and all went on the the crem. Quite a change from the time when I was not allowed to attend my grandmother's funeral. Gwynne

I had no idea that Welsh funerals were men only.I wonder why that was-Rose

Gwyneth, This does still happen in Wales, or did at the last family funeral we had about 15 years ago. The service was carried out in the sitting room and then men only went to the cemetary. My husband's aunt (daughter of the deceased) insisted on going as well as she had been kept back from the previous funeral of her father and had no intentions of doing so that time. It was frowned upon and still gets mentioned at family gatherings. My daughter in law has lost both ofher parents in the last 3 years and all have gone to the burial if they have wanted to. Those too were in a Welsh Village. Jacky

Neighbours of mine had a funeral about 3 years ago, the coffin was open in the house until the cars were just about ready to go, then the undertaker went in and sealed it and the pallbearers carried it to the car. Everyone was in floods by this time. Maz. XX

Are threre any other strange customs apart from funereal ones.ARE HISTORIC CUSTOMS STILL KEPT ALIVE WHERE YOU LIVE

I remember in the early 1970's when my uncle died. My Grandma asked whether Aunie was having him back home - that meant an open coffin in the front room until the funeral. When she said not because there were little children to think of Grandma was furious. I did go and see my sister in the chapel of rest and really wished I hadn't. That was the way I remembered her for ages. I've always refused to see anyone after death now. I'd rather remember them as they were alive.

The Coppers here seem to be starting a new custom.........seems like after about 11Pm. they fetch their noisy helicopter out and chase it around here, flashing their bright lights,all over the place...........Round and around.......

My mum died last April, i had her home the night before her funeral, so she could spend one last night in her own home, everyone thought i was mad, but i am so happy i did that, i spent the night with her and talked to her about all the good times we shared. I think more people are doing that now Love Helenxx

Where I live we have the "boxes in the wall" system or burial - cremation is only just starting. You can purchase a plot for 5 years, 10 years or as long as someone is around to check that its not been resold. A common money saving scheme is to put one person in the wall and then some time later remove the 1st person and put their remains in a plastic bag in side the old coffin and add the new resident. This transfering of people is done in the presence of the family. Urghhh Jules

Gwynethh, in some parts of the Highlands it's men only at the graveside. As for the open coffins, we still do that here, and can't remember the reason but any mirrors in the room the coffin is in have to be covered! At weddings, do they have down South the bride throwing money from her car for all the local kids,as she goes to the wedding? In Edinburgh it's called a 'poor (pour) out' and in Glasgow a 'scramble' At the 'Hen night' the bride-to-be is taken around her local area, dressed up and carrying a 'chanty' (gazzunder). All her friends will sing songs, while banging on old pots and pans, and every man she meets has to give her a kiss and put money into the chanty. Christine

When my first hubbys mum died (she was a lovely lady may she rest in peace) we did the overnight vigil in Chapel with her. when my mum died I had really wanted there to be a vigil for her - but there were to be a few funerals that day so it wasnt possible. Paul had never known a funeral where the family members were given the cords to lower the person down - but thats how it still is in areas in Scotland when a family friend died here a couple of years ago (yorkshire) I was in floods of tears when the 2 oldest grandchildren of the lady - who were aged 15 and 11 at the time walked in front of the hearse to escort it out of the estate - I found it so moving.

Sheila, I didn't know that family members or friends taking a cord and lowering the coffin wasn't done everywhere! I also remember when my Nanna died, all the family and neighbours walking behind the coffin as it was taken from the house to the chapel. Haven't seen that done for a long time. Christine

The 1st ever funeral I went to was of my good friend Steven... he was 20 and I was 18... walking into the lounge, there was the open coffin, with his dad at the top of the coffin playing with his hair! It was emotional but lovely. The bit that choked me (other than over 500 people being there) was that the brothers filled in the grave themselves... whilst the family sang gospel songs... yes it was a Black family, and it was the most touching thing I ever so, and even now i can feel the warmth and sadness of it all!

In our local church the kids close the lych gate and won't let the newly married couple out until the groom has "paid", i.e chucked some loose change out over the gate. This happened to us, was really nice - except my mum in law was down with the kids scrabbling for the money lol! Lisa

That's interesting Lisa..... I was just thinking of something similar which the children did in the Welsh village where mum grew up and married 1936. There they held a large rope across the entrance, for the same purpose.(referred to as roping the couple) Luckily mum and dad had given the best man plenty of small change. What with that and all the rice being thrown, it helped if everyone's aim was good, I guess.

In my area of Scotland that custom was called a 'scatter'