General Chat

Emma, you’re not a bad Mum, you’re a good Mum in a difficult situation, that’s why you’re asking for advice. My heart goes out to you because I think you know the decision you have to make. As much as you love your boyfriend, your main priority has to be your children. Nobody can tell you what to do, but we’re all here for you, whatever your decision. I think you need a hug at the moment (((Emma))) Joan x

Emma I was married to my first husband he was verbally and physically abusive though he never marked my face and he wanted to know my every move had to ask to go to my mum's had to be on a certain bus timed me going to shops if he didn't like my friend was not allowed to talk to her or visit her, anyway I caught him hitting my eldest boy I had to leave I put up with it for 16yrs never again. You don't know the damage his abuse is doing to the kids my eldest boy started wetting the bed I would ask what was wrong he said nothing my middle son was nearly 2 he stopped talking and is now 12yrs and still having nightmares I am sorry but you have to think of you and the kids and to keep you all safe it starts with shouting. If you need to talk email me and i will be here for you are not bad he is for shouting and don't ever think it is your fault it is not but that is what they want you to think. I am now with someone else I can do what I like when I like it is great

What on earth are you feeling like a bad mum for? Is it you that is showing them a prime example of bad manners towards other people? No. Do you storm out and leave them to whoever else might or might not be in the house? No. Will you still be there when he is long gone? Yes. You need to give that self esteem a bit of a tickle to wake it up and get it back to work! It sounds like one of those days, as well as everything else, for you today. Which of them are at school and nursery? Abigail

My children are 9, 7, 6, and 2 Bless them, i feel like such a bad mum!

Emma,sorry to be blunt Love,but this is not doing the littles any good.If he won't even talk to you about the problem you cannot move forward. There is a saying ''More of the same'' If we don't change a situation we can only expect more of the same in the future. Believe me I have been there.I was always saying ''Things will get better when......'' THEY DON'T GET BETTER If he won't talk to you and help solve the problem then for the sake of all of you get out of this relationship Hugs Rose

By the way how old are your babies? I have a boy and a girl, 6 and 3 respectively with the Tasmanian Devil gene. Abigail

Emma, I know that within relationships, be it parent child, between siblings or between partners (married or not) sometimes we get so het up over something we shout. If it is happening a lot then perhaps it is a sign that all the ingredients are not there for a good long term relationship for all of you together (including the children). If they see this now and continue to, they may grow up thinking that the situation is normal and do it to their partners. He is not happy, you are not happy and they are not happy. Time for a radical rethink. My granny told me that if you can't treat your "beau" with the respect that you would treat your best girlfriend then it is not love. I think it is quite a good yard stick because I know in the middle of it all it is so hard to judge. Perhaps if you split then you won't be Emma "Stress Head" any more! Good luck and keep coming on here - you are not a bore, you are a friend, and as such we all want to help! Abigail

Emma...have sent you a message hun! Bev

Emma, I did'nt realise he had a temper. It will destroy you and will be doing the children harm. He's a verbal bully. I'm afraid he will have to go. Sorry. Jo.

Dont apologise Emma and from the sounds of it you might be better off without him! NOBODY has the right to tell you what to do! You might be in a relationship with him but that does not mean you dont have a life of your own as well! I have been with my partner now for 3yrs and living together for just over a year! Although we love and respect each other we both have our own lives as well! You have to think what the children are hearing......do you want them to grow up thinking that this is how a relationship should be! That the blokes have to dominate the woman....I dont know what he says to you in front of the kids but I can imagine its not pleasant! When I was a kid my dad used to always be on at my mum and I used to dread each night because I knew there would be a fight/argument...believe me it is very scary for a child to listen to! I really wish you luck but if this is a regular occurence I think that you would be better off on your own!! Take Care Bevx

This from a male ,if this fellar is yelling at you and losing his temper ,and worse yet doing it in front of the kids ,he ain't worth a light love ,kick the git out and give your, and your kids love to someone who is worth it,i'm male and believe me ,it's a short road from yelling,and bullying to physical violence,my stepdad was a prime example.Fred.ptfg&g.

Hi, I agree with Mags. If you won't do it for yourself do it for your children. They deserve better. Gwynne

Its not harsh, just true. Thanks x

Show him the door Emma! - and if he won't go - get someone to physically remove him You don't need this and nor do your children - get rid - or do you want to be a door mat all your life? Ask yourself what sort of relationship you have and the sort you would really like - It won't be one with an overgrown child in it that's for sure! Mags xx Good God! - I've actually said what I thought - I've had a bad night! (hardly slept) - Sorry if it's harsh xx

Yes he does shout at me infront of the kids, i think its his way of feeling in charge. All it does is make the kids hate him. I do love him but i am loosing respect for him. He is a bit of a control freak, i find myself asking him for permission to do things, thats not right is it? I m sorry i will shut up now, i know its annoying when someone is feeling sorry for themselves.

No advice, but I want you to know me thinking of you.... hope the outcome is a happy one no matter what way it goes!

Is there anywhere you can stay for a few days? Like Jo said if you are not there he may just realise what he is going to be losing... One thing is for sure, you cant live in a situation like that! Its not fair on you and its not fair on the children!!

Emma, Does he shout at you in front of the children? Gwynne

i HAVE TRIED THAT BUT HE HAS A SHORT TEMPER AND ENDS UP SCREAMING AT ME SO I BACK DOWN AND LEAVE IT. ITS REALLY GETTING ME DOWN, FEEL LIKE ENDING THE RELATIONSHIP.

Hi, Sorry to sound harsh but if he cannot be bothered to be nice to your kids then he isn't worth having. Your kids have to come first. None of it is their fault. Try to get him to talk and explain how much he's hurting all of you. If he doesn't want to talk then he probably doesn't want to sort it out and is afraid to tell you. Your future may be better without him. Good luck with whatever you decide, Gwynne