General Chat

Allan ordered two crocodile sandwiches, and told the waiter to make it snappy..........

The waiter smiled and showed an unusual number of sharp teeth. Allan couldn’t take his eyes off........

The old ones are always the best muttered Allan to himself.

No One was sure whether he was talking about the joke or his OH

Could have been worse thought Allan. Could have asked for frogs legs, and told the waiter to hop to it.

However, Allan decided to rise above the situation, and asked for the a la carte menu, resisting the temptation to ask if it arrived in a wheelbarrow.....

That was a fine crop of mushrooms thought Allan as he awakened from his unusually active dreaming state.

The Mad Hatter poured him a nice cup of tea and wished him a very merry unbirthday.

Possibly, Lewis Carroll received his inspiration from the same source that Coleridge did when he, Coleridge, wrote 'Kubla Khan'

Just at that moment the Bosun's Mate arrived, complete with his sparkly green tights

"Avast there me hearties" cried the Bosun's mate "I've been sailing the high seas searching for.............

...to see what I could see see see, but all that I could see see see was the bottom of the deep blue sea sea sea."

Allan was praying that this litany of 'c's' would quickly end so that they could discuss the rest of the alphabet, particularly the 'p's and 'q's', also he was beginning to find those tights particularly alluring.

Allan idly wondered if the Bosun's Mate was actually a mermaid in drag

Allan was also eyeing the ladder in the sparkly green tights. That could come in very handy he thought.

Meanwhile the Bosun’s m ate was carefully watching Allan’s OH who seemed to approaching at full speed with a long needle and what seemed to be green thread.

The Bosun's Mate saw the look in her eye, the thread in her hand and wisely decided to scarper.

"That's a shame," said Allan's OH wistfully, "I was looking forward to showing my prowess as a seamstress."

Allan looked at the fifteen inch needle in his wife's hand and decided not to comment.

Allan had forgotten though that after a few decades of marriage one didn't need to actually say anything to get into trouble, one merely needed to have a look on their face....and Allan had a look on his face right now one which stated........

Had his OH been able to see his face, lies lies and more lies.

Fortunately for Allan he was used to his wife's ability to read his facial expressions and carried a bag for just such occasions.

Hurriedly slipping the bag on, Allan assumed a smug expression.

"You're lying! and take that smug expression off your face."

Allan stood, dejected. "but how can you see my face, I'm wearing a bag over my head," he whined pityfully.

"You should have used a brown paper one then, not clear plastic ." responded his OH

Still Allan did not know what he was supposed to have lied about.

At least it made a change from being a lay about

Whilst Allan was laying about his OH collected up the disused plastic as she wanted to save whichever planet they were on.

It was quite a feat, but if Allan's OH saved this planet then she would have the whole collection.

Perhaps she could sell it on eBay

Luckily she has a very capacious handbag in which to carry her collection of planets.

So slipping them into her bag, she went skipping down the street singing, "I've got the whole worlds in my hands"

Allan trailed behind his OH as she skipped down that yellow brick street.

Actually, being interplanetary explorers, they weren't skipping down a yellow brick street, but down a rather gigantic yellow sick toad.

Allan wondered if his OH had eaten the same thing as the toad. At least the yellow would be a change from her usual shade of green, he thought.

The thought of all that yellow and green was beginning to have a strange effect on Allan.............

Being a child of the sixties, or at least becoming a teenager in 1961, Allan remembered the good old days of LSD.

Of course, this WAS prior to the decimalisation of the UK currency.