Genealogy Chat

Would it not be an idea for GR to display the date/time that a person logged in, thereby if you went to click on someones name to send them a message, it would tell you when they had last logged in. If they hadn't logged in for some time, say months then you may have less expectation for a response. I know it's frustrating but people aren't obligated to reply, and may not do so for any number of reasons - what might seem obvious and rudimentary to one person, isn't necessarily a feeling shared by someone else.

Brian I have always been polite in my messages yet it makes no difference to some people. It's just like people are, some are rude some aren't. Like when you're out - you step aside, give up your seat or open a door for someone and they don't utter a word of thanks, they are in a minority are people like that though. Politeness costs nothing. Jacquie

Heather I replied :-)

Heather, I totally agree... LOL.... I had contact with one person who was connected and I gave them loads of facts and my email address and offered to send copies of all the registration docs (for his line) that I have already obtained from Scotlands People. This Guy didnt want to though and said himself and his wife were coming to Edinburgh (From Canada) and would get it all there.... LOL Fair enough then I thought, I was just trying to save him some time and money. You are right though most peole are really helpfull and some lovely people have shared certs etc with me and when this happens I could jump into the monitor and hug them :-)) Shaz x

Heather thats true but wouldnt a little.... Thankyou for the peek at your tree... be nice? Its more annoying though when you make a contact and get absolutely nothing at all. Especially as you only have to be a full member to initiate contact.... Anyone can reply whether they are full members or not. Shaz x

What annoys me is when you establish a connection with someone and they're your best friend until you've given them the info they want and then you never hear from them again, not even to say thanks. And then they post a request on the boards for a look up, claiming that THEY have found all this information and can anyone find them in the previous census or in PR's. That's happened to me a couple of times and has made me more wary about sharing info that has taken me months/years/lots of expense to compile. Lou

I know how you all feel as I spent more than 2 years searching for 2 cousins when out of the blue their mother's name appeared on GR put on by one of thepeople I was looking for, great excitment on my part, I emailed her but to date have had no reply, what a letdown, I will try again but am not too hopeful of getting a reply, and the sad part is that most of that side of our family have died and I'm sure we could have been of help to each other.

I've had quite a few requests recently along the lines of 'Please can I have access to your tree please?'. No details re names, nothing. I usually reply along the lines of 'Why? Please let me know who you think we have in common and I will make a decision?' and have had no response from the requester! These kind of requests are quite rude, it's only curtesy to say who you think the common ancestor is or to give a bit more information. I'm gettng a bit fed up of these now so if I get any more of these in the future, I probably won't reply. Sam

I think I have been quite lucky, I have access to about 20 related trees and out of maybe 60-80 contacts only a handful have not responded decently. Maybe in some cases it's how you deal with people which determines their reaction?

I think some people just join freinds reunited and add there names for the sake of it on this site,probably putting parent's name's or something never intending to do this seriously. just a thought. angie x

Ditto re last re contact - non full members can reply!! The ones that don't are just rude - as you receive an email letting you know you have a message - it's not like you need to keep checking the site if you don't care to. Jacquie

Gillian, You don't have to be a full member to reply. You can't initiate contact but if someone contacts you first, you can respond. I know a lot of people find this site from the link on the friendsreunited site. They may enter themselves / parent / grandparents for fun and then go away and never come back to the site again. This is how I found this site and I only entered bare details and then forgot about it. However, when someone contacted me (2 years later!) I replied and although we weren't connected, I was hooked so joined up fully. I know of at least 2 people who had entered bare details and never been back since so this could explain why they never reply. Sam

Its not just contacts though to be honest!! Someone on here asked a question and I answered the question as did two other people, my first answer was wrong however and I posted again to say... Doh I should have known that basically (although these werent my words) then a wee bit of banter started but the person who asked the question had already posted, so had infact read the replys. Then I got a telling off basically as our friendly banter apparently had nothing to do with the question that had already been answered.. (infact it had a lot to do with it) I am now sitting here furious as I get on with everyone and dont cause any trouble on the boards... I will help anyone if I can yet this person basically went out of there way to be rude when all I did was answer a question about my home town (also the home town of my ancestors and family) So I guess its not just contacts that be rude by not replying. And after me saying how most peeps are lovely on here too.... LOL ... aww well I stick by that most peeps are lovely all the same! :-) Shaz xx

Don't forget that they have to be full members to contact you back. Maybe they haven't yet joined as full members. I know the only reason I signed on for full membership was so I could contact someone. That was after I had been on the site for some time. I have maybe five people I have contacted and not had a reply from, but I am still hoping that curiosity will get the better of them. Cheers Gill

I hate it when all they say is No not a sorry or anything

Hi I agree why bother to join in the first place. Doesn't take long to reply one way or the other. There are a few who have a genuine excuse for not replying. It's the ones that don't that bugs everyone. Then saying that, they maybe have a life outside 'TREES' lol Marion

It really winds me up too I think some people just add there names to this site for the hell of it and then go away and leave it. I recently found someone that I had a connection with and with their little bit of info on this one line along with my wee piece of info I was able to get much further back, I spent a fortune on Scotlands People and shared everything with this person, even went further along one of his lines that was seperated from me and gave him the info. What did he say??? Not a damn thing he took all the info and legged it!! Mind you most people on here are nice and friendly with good manners and do say thanks or answer a contact. Shaz x

Georgina I know how you feel, i had one i know we are contected. Its so disappointing. Julie

Thanks for all your responses. Glad I am not the only one. Surely GC could monitor response in some way and indicate this when one comes up for renewal. I know they will not turn money away but they could perhaps point out lack of response. I found a half sister on this site but had to e-mail her numerous times because she didn't like to open e-mail from people she didn't know and kept deleting them. Georgina

I have just found people to be next to rude in their reply's... so depressing. Find it all a bit of a waste of money in the end.