Genealogy Chat

Will explain below in a few mins.......Shell

I came to Genes 2 yrs ago looking for my Dad. I was concieved when my Mum was 16. I have never known my dad at all. I don't expect a huge welcome with open arms but I would like to know any medical history, for him to know he has 4 wonderful???????? grandkids and I'd like to see if there is any thing of him in me. When I first came to Genes I wandered around for a while not really knowing what to do next. Then SKS pointed me in the direction of Joan Allan. I spoke to Joan at length on the phone, and with the amount for info I have on him. Joan said it was unlikely I'd be able to trace him. So I left it. However, in the last few weeks it has been bugging me again. So started digging again..... By speaking to the bloke my Mum lives with, I have found out the name of his friend back when I was born. This man lived in the same road as my mum, her flatmate and my Nan. By searching B4U I have found what appears to be his mum. Am wondering if i write or even visit this lady and ask about her son, who was my Dads best friend? Or is she too far removed to be questioning?. This lady is still living in the same road as my Nan. My dad does know about me, as he visited once when i was 13 mths old. The story states he got another girl pregnant after my mum and was made to marry her. I have searched 1837 and found nothing postive. I have spoken to mum at length she says she's told me everything. But to be honest Mum likes a mystery, even my Nans know nothing. And between you and me she likes to see life thru the bottom of the glass, so tend to take a lot ofwhat she says, with apinch of salt!!!!! As I said nan is still living at the same address as she was when I was born. This is where he visited (when Nan was out!!!) when i was 13 mths. So surely if he wanted to trace me, he could've without much difficulty. Sorry it's so long but wanted you to knwo the whole picture LOL Shelli

Hi Shelli, Think that could be a last resort, send me the firiends name and if its common a rough idea of the area, see if we can find him first. Sheila

hello i wouldnt turn up at the address because it will come as a shock if any thing i think i would write a letter then it would b up to this man to get back in touch with u sorry i couldnt b of more help anne

I thought it was a bad idea LOL just needed to be told Shelia will mail u some info xxxx

I think it somewhat depends on the passage of time. I had 'best friends' even 20 years ago, loved them to bits, couldn't imagine life without them in it and yet now, don't have a clue where they are or what they are doing. i wonder if this guy would know where his best friend 'then ' was 'now' Jess Ps seems strange that your mum didn't know his best friends name...

Jess I was the result of a one night stand mum was supposed to be in the local youth club, but as she looked older was in the pub next door!!!! she liked her drink even then !!!! I honestly don't know if Mum doesn't know or isn't telling me, but neither of my aunts know anything either or so they claim. The only one i trust to tell me the truth is my Nan. And she swears she know nothing. Grandad was VERY cross when mum announced i was coming. After discovering they wasn't going to marry, he announced he would only support mum and me, if she never saw him again. And she didn't until I was 13 mths when he came round while everyone was out, and gave her 30 bob ( how much is that??) for a pair of shoes for me. Mum curently isn't speaking to me after i told her a few home truths . Hence the reason I asked her flatmate, and he said my dad knocked around with this certain bloke. So i figured I could at least find out if the rumouors of the getting another girl pregnant and having to marry her was true, even if they still aren't in contact nowadays.

Hello Shelli. Long time, no speak If it helps, a friend of mine traced her real Dad a couple of years ago. It turns out he could have found her quite easily, but chose not to. However, it didn't stop him being ABSOLUTELY delighted when she got in touch. It seems he assumed she wouldn't be interested in him for various reasons. Without wanting to upset all the gentlemen on this site, I think it's fair to say that a lot of absent Fathers find it the easy option to close their minds to such matters. NOT ALL OF THEM, I KNOW!! Also, you can never be really sure what your Mum said to him in the past!! Why not write a letter to him, and assuming this older lady knows where he is, ask if she would act as postie. I know you are a very strong lady, so GO FOR IT. All the best, love. Suzy

Suzy hello again... the thing is the lady is his old best friends mate mum, so was going to ask her about her sons where abouts first, then find him and ask about my dad LOL... gawd confusing. Jess to be honest I was simply musing, every way I turn i find a brick wall. I knew it wasn't a great idea but when you are faced by brick walls any idea seems good LOL. I'm not expecting a grand reunion, if he has got another family, they may not know about me. I have no wish to upset anyone. But i would like to know. Does that make sense?

Shelli, Just e-mailed you found a possible adress for his friend, even if he is out of toouch with him, he may be able to give you a little extra information. Sheila

thanks Shelia

Shelli got no right to say this, but i will anyway! is it really worth falling out with your Mum over, home truths or not, she kept you, provided for you and all the etc's... Yes, i do know what is it like, i found mine in his grave, 4 before me and 4 after.. Whatever you decide to do, i do understand and hope it finds what you are searching for Jess x

Right have had a bit of a break through today.... Gonna try and explain without names as the people are living LOL thanks to Shelia last night, she also found who was living with thebest mates mum. This mans, John, his surname was familar to me and I knew my Nan would know this family. My Nans memory isn't great but if you can jog it she usually recalls more, this is what i was hoping would happen LOL So called her today, And she does know the family. She speaks regulary to Johns brother, even gets lifts off him!!! So when she sees him next Tuesday she will get him to ask his brother for info on the best mate. Who is actually Johns brother inlaw!!!! Nan recalled this when i mentioned who is living with best mates mum. Hope that makes sense.... So am leaving the letter writing until I know what nan can find out next week. Jess have mailed you :0))) hope u got it as Genes threw a wobbly when i tried to send it. I did try again and it appeared to go.

Shelli, can't help with advice but I remember when you were searching before so wanted to wish you luck in your search. ann glos

Shelli, got it, thanks, you didn't have to explain.... Jess x

Jess I know i didn't have to.... felt better for doing it tho LOL

I'll keep everything crossed for you Shelli. Keep us informed. Suzy x

Hi, never ben one to sit on my laurels.... I spent an hour in the local library looking at electrol rolls. This lady Shelia found for me the other night is the mum of dad's best mate..... by following backward in the rolls, it shows him lving at home with his mum. So at least I know I'm on the right track. Just gotta be patient until Nan sees her friend on Tues. Shellixx

Hi Shelli I remember you saying to me once that your nan lives near my in W/P Surrey if i can help let me know. Julie

Hi Julie, yes you do remember correctly, Nan is in W/P, all these people live in the same road just off the high street. I'm a bit further away in Wallington. It was Sutton Library where I was seaching this morning, while hubby took kids shopping.......... oh that was sweet revenge LOL... they played him for a fool LOL. Thanks for the offer of help, much appricated Shell