Genealogy Chat

I always thought this was about sharing info - but I have to say it all seems to be one sided for me. I get like today, 2 hotmatches and yes, they do have connections on two of my lines but neither of them have done anything beyond grandfather stage (and then just word of mouth) When I asked what is the name of his father on his marriage cert they both say Havent got them. It does rankle a bit that I have worked and spent out a fair old amount of dosh when they havent but want to know all my stuff back another 150 years. It makes me feel guilty that I do resent this, but its every week now.

Heather, No you are not going mean in your old age. My uncle is researching the family tree but I know he will not share any info with me - so he will not be getting any from me. I made the mistake of giving him family photos years ago but I have never had them returned. Maureen

Heather, I think you should change the 'mean' for 'wise', and old for young :) Heather :)

I think it depends Heather, myself, i have been following one line to the point of obsession, but all the other lines have halted at g/grandparents. if anyone was to ask for info on my small lines then i couldn't tell them much, but that doesn't mean i am not spending a fortune on my tree coz i am, just on the one name so far! i also have notebook upon notebook of names to add to my tree, but never the time to do it, so it looks baldy(a winter tree)so i don't like to show it off until its budding in the spring.....LOL....MOE! Ps when i think about it, the name i am spending my money on I wouldn't like to give it all away either, so, no ! let them find their own rellies!!!!!MOE!

no I agree Heather why should you give out all your details and spend all that money. Let them do some work.

Heather, no you are not mean and you can't really blame them for trying. They see programmes like WDYTYA and get the impression that this Family History thing is easy, then they come on here and see all sorts of look up offers, then they get their hot matches and wow! they have got right back to the 18th century. I would be inclined to give them a couple of names, dates etc and say something like (little white lie) 'but this isn't really checked thoroughly, maybe you could check it and come back and confirm I am right, then we will go on from there together' They really are missing the point and the fun. Ann Glos

Heather, you are not alone in how you feel. I haven't been doing this long but if someone wants info from my tree I first of all ask them a specific question to see if they really are researching the same family. Having verified that they are genuine I will give them info required if they can answer one or two questions to verify any doubtful things I may still have to check/prove.JJH

Its just it all seems one sided for me - I give out tons of stuff to people and never ever get anything in return. I am pretty sure one of these contacts today will turn out to be on one of my lines but when you ask about their great grandads occupation (which is a giveaway on this line) and his father its just 'Oh, I dont know its just what my mum told me that that was his name'.

Not the same but a new reli i have has given me 25 pages of one of my family names have not put them on my tree as feel as if pinching her hard work although have shared my work what bit i had with her sorry if this does not make sence Val

No, thats fair enough Val, if you are sharing and giving and getting info from each other but when you give and get nothing, sometimes not even an acknowledgement in return, its a bit irriitating. I mean on one line I have had 6 people contact me. We all share GGPx4. Yet only 1 of those people has given me any help or info. If I send a little round robin message asking for updates from them, in case they have found anything and passing on all the new bits Ive got - out of the 6 of them, only 2 will reply to thank me. I was thinking of getting a researcher onto this line but whats the betting if I spend out a fair amount of dosh on getting further back from 1735, these guys will just take the info without even a thanks.

Heather, Yes! I know where you are coming from! I just recently gave away a lot of my info to a distant relation. She didn't have much in the way of info to give me - BUT she did have photos and memorial cards which she shared with me. I was able to put faces to names thanks to her. On the other hand, I DO have some contacts who seem to want permanent access to my GR tree so that they can keep cribbing my work at MY expense. However, (tee hee) I don't update my GR tree now and just update my Family Tree Maker programme instead! I have a third cousin who is great! We share the cost of research. If I buy some certs I scan them and share them with him and he does likewise. This can really be a money saver if you find another keen family historian and it builds up a good, friendly and RECIPROCAL relationship. So I would say that if these people don't have much in the way of info, why not ask if they have some photos, memorial cards or letters to share. If you are like me then 7 out of 10 won't have a scanner or they have a scanner but don't know how to use it! (You can't win)! Good luck Heather and you aren't mean - just not an idiot! I can't abide freeloaders myself. Cheers, Horatia

you could never been classed as mean Heather, I had a contact 2 weeks ago asked if she could look at my tree and gave me permission to look at hers but all she had was 8 names as she had just started ,all her close family, well that doesnt help me at all but mine helps her a lot. I did give permission as I thought we could help each other, but regretted it soon after.

Hi Heather Your not mean at all, you have been always helpful to me and so many others, and your support and sense of humor is wonderful.. Please accept what we are saying to you. : 0 ) janey

Id love some old photos and I have asked for these in the past - husbands never even seen his grandad at all and one person contacted me, I gave her another 3 generations back on that line and asked if she had any photos of the line as that would be great for hubby. She said we do have a few - that was 2 months ago. (Its a bit like what your mums always tell you, once they get what they want, they forget about you!!). One girl has just contacted me today and I have offered her a photo of my GGM whose grandparents are common ancestors to us. The photo is c1880 so it must give you an idea of what the granparents would have been physically (scarey actually, cos I can see me in this woman!) I would so love to be offered photos - and no scanner is no excuse as the library will usually do it for you or a learning centre. I havent got one but when I send them to people, I nip into our local library or centre and get them to help me scan and adjust the photo and then email to me. Then I save it on my computer.

I've prob said this before!! A lady contacted me on here and said her best friend wanted to do her tree, but has no 'puter. Whilst they were together they had looked for ladies grandfather on GR and found him on my tree. To cut a long story short, I 'phoned this lady (my third cousin!) and she asked if I could send her anything about her immediate ancestors. For starters, I send her a dozen photos, inc her grandparents and great-grandparents and a copy of a lock of her grandfather hair cut on the day he was born!! (that's the bit you might remember). Also send a tree as well. As I dropped it in the postbox, I meanly thought that would be the end of that...................... Blow me down, if the day she received my package in the post, I got one from her. She sent me all the certs she has (photocopied at her corner shop) - about 15 of them, (inc her own birth cert, which maybe wasn't really a good idea!!) plus photos going back 150 years which were of all the people I DIDN'T have, plus ''tales of my childhood'' her mother had written years ago......and funniest of the lot.....her photo taken standing outside my mum's old home in an Oxfordshire village where the cousin had come to visit some of her rellies.....she had no ldea she had a cousin living in the house behind her in the photo (taken in 1946!)!! So.........all that from someone who hadn't even started!!! Merry

Hey Merry! that tale reminds me of a couple of years back (before GR) when I made contact with a possible 4th cousin via rootsweb message boards. She sent me a pile of photos including 2 picturing my own mother as a child!! It was spooky! We are still in regular contact and hope to meet one day - she is in Ireland. I don't mind sharing my work if just the once you can turn up a goldmine like that! netti x

Hi all! I also had reams of stuff sent to me from a distant rellie by marriage! I could have easily put the whole shooting match on my tree, and instantly turned it into a veritable forest, but felt that this wouldn't have been right. It's so much more satisfying to find them all yourself, with just a hint occasionally to point you in the right direction! Allie x

Hello Heather, No you are not mean at all. I have seen how you give freely of your time and advice here. :o) I would say that as I am fairly new, I have not got a large tree and very little info to offer a contact but I make this clear before I let them send me any of their hard work and if they still chose to be generous enough to send it knowing they will get little in exchange, then lucky me! I would never expect it handed on a plate. Besides, it would take the fun out of it. Someone HAS offered me a lot of info that they have painstakingly gleaned over years, but I will check it all out for myself (not because I don't trust their work, but to do it my own way and get some sence of satistaction), and of course if I uncover anything they haven't, I will gladly share. I hope that the people you are referring to are few and far between, because so far I have found only generous and helpful people here. Claire xx

I am glad you have found such a worthwhile corespondence from a contact. :o) Of course I know that it is only the rude and lazy people being refered to here, but I do feel guilty if someone helps me out and as yet I can do little in return. Claire xx

Heather Thankyou for posting this thread today! I have spent all day worrying about my own meanness. I have recently been contacted by a Hotmatcher, who genuinely has one of my rellies in her tree. However, the mutual relative is in fact only by marriage as far as she is concerned, she is not descended from this person, but from her husband's second marriage. Now, I have mountains of stuff for this family, right back to 1556, including Wills, letters, Tenancy agreements etc. I am feeling mean because I have this awful reluctance to share this lot with her. It has cost me time, effort and money. It is not her bloodline, but mine. I had more or less decided to just give her one generation - after all, I found the stuff, so can she! Feeling a lot better now about my meanness! Olde Crone