Genealogy Chat

Wondering if anyone else has purchased a family Grave and if it's expensive ? I was told my Grandmothers' Grave had never been bought, I thought it looked very sad with no Headstone, nothing to identify her with. Ellen.

Ellen, I always thought if you were buried you had to buy the plot. Sue

Hi Sue, When I spoke to one the staff at the Cemetary she told me it had never been purchased, and that I could have a small headstone put there but it had to be within certain regulations,maybe I should phone them again and ask them what they mean by the purchasing bit. Ellen.

Hi Ellen, I think that would be the best thing to do. When my F-I-L died 22 years ago we bought his plot, I don't think we had a choice. When did your grandmother die? it may have been different when she died. Sue

Hi Ellen Why don't you ask them if they object to you just tending the grave as opposed to purchasing it. regards Tricia

Hi All, My Grandmother died in 1972 and shares the Grave with her Sister who died in 1975. Thanks for your comments, I think I will get back to the Cemetary staff and ask a few more details. Ellen.

I thought if you didn't buy the plot then it was a common grave and others not related would be buried in the same plot . hence no gravestones cos the right hadnt been bought. I know that when my grandad died in 1939 ,gran bought the plot that was for 3 burials.(that was the least sized plot she could buy then) the idea was that she would follow when it was her time and any of their children that passed should that happen. Well all the children were then married and eventually as they passed their spouses made their own arrangements. So Gran who passed in 1958 is the only one in with the hubby. The gravestone has both their names etc on it. Its good if the council are now prepared for you to erect some commemoration to you relation on the grave. Shirley

my reply crossed with your further info . So looks as if it is a private grave as she is buried with her sister , the grave must have been bought cos when the sister was buried the chances of there being 'available space ' please excuse the poss bad taste to that, later on .if it was a common grave, is very remote. Hope that doesn't sound awful. I do think the council need to give you more info. Shirley

Hi Shirley, I did have details as to what I could have put there but I've lost the letter, a friend of mine has a son who is a Stonemason and is happy to make whatever the requirments are that the Cemetary in Bournemouth have stipulated. I shall just have to contact them again. Regards Ellen. Shirley, no offense taken

It may be that a relative connected to that side of the family holds the deeds to the plot. When my Nan died in 1995 we had to make a few phone calls to track down who held the paperwork. It's a family plot which was purchased by my G Grandparents in 1896. We have since buried Mum there and had both of their names added to the stone but had to show the paperwork before any of this could be done. Good Luck Sheila

My husbands grandma bought the `plot` in 1955.In it is his grandad,dad,grandma and uncle.When his mum died and we went to the council they said that no more members could be buried and the only way round it was for them to be cremated and their ashes put in a box into the family plot.So his mum and then his brother who died later were cremated so they could be put in the plot.None of the latter wanted cremation but in this day and age what can you do.We wanted our family to stay together so future generations know where we are.We have room left for one more is what we have been told.This has been decided that it will be my husband as this is his family.We are wives married into the family so this is the right decision.If I had been asked about this 10yrs ago I`d have thought you were off your `nelly`.Where I go is where you want to put me.Preferably in my garden.... BUT.....not just yet! Wanda.x

Rights to a grave form part of an estate and can be a problem if someone later remarries. My friend's father bought a plot for himself, his wife and their handicapped son. The wife died and was buried there. Eventually the man remarried and when he died before his 2nd wife, it was felt to be not right that he was buried with the 1st wife, so he was buried elsewhere. He didn't leave a Will and so rights of the grave were passed to his wife, who lost touch with her husband's family. When my friend's brother died, she had a really hard job tracking down the family of her stepmother, who had since died. My friend had no rights over her own mother's grave, which were now 'controlled' by a completely different family. Eventually though it was sorted and the son was buried with his mother. If you have a family grave, consider these events and get the paperwork sorted to prevent further distress at a difficult time. Gwyn

What Gwyn has said is absolutely right. Paperwork MUST be produced before a grave can be reopened for additional buials. It is a legal document and, upon the death of the person who purchased the rights, passes to the next of kin as part of the estate. As there usually isn't much time to organise a funeral, it is best to know where this document can be located. It may be a good idea to make a photocopy just in case it should become lost or damaged. It should be added that the purchaser is NOT buying the plot of land, but simply the rights of burial for a stipulated period of time, which usually varies from as little as 50 years to about 100 years though in reality in an era where 75% of people are now cremated and demand for burial space is not as high, it is likely that most graves will remain undisturbed. My great grandparents purchased a double grave at the local authority cemetery in 1912 when my great grandmother died. By 1943 it had 5 occupants, leaving space for 3 more. Around that time there was an falling out between siblings in the family and the burial rights cert 'went missing', meaning that nobody else could be buried there. Even though the local authority held a duplicate copy of the cert and even though people could prove their relationships to the purchaser, they couldn't use the grave again without the original document, which caused a lot of distress.The burial rights run out in 2012.

Thanks to everyone for their messages to my thread. How complicated things can get over a Grave. I was thinking about possibly purchasing the grave of my Grandmother but maybe I wont now after reading your stories, it could get complicated. My Grandmother has only my Brother, myself and two other Grandsons and umpteen Great Grandchildren left and the two Grandsons I know wouldn't know where she was buried or probably be too bothered about it. I think the least complicated thing would be to just visit her Grave when I can and place some flowers and let my Children know where she is resting so if in the future they want to know they will be able to find it. It's just so sad and forlorn to look at a grassy plot with no identification upon it.I never knew my Grandmother as my Mum was Adopted as a baby but she kept some contact with her and the Family she gave my Mum up to and I feel it would be nice to put something on her Grave just to acknowledge her, after all she is my true Grandmother and it's just a little contribution from me as she did the very best for my Mum and gave her the chance of a better life than she could offer in the sad circumstances. Regards Ellen.

Ellen, How lovely to read your thoughts about your grandmother. You can extent the burial rights if you want to, but there would be a fee and you would have to have the cert. I don't think the renewal fee is all that expensive. However, if the cemetery has plenty of room left in it for new graves it is unlikely that old ones would ever be disturbed. As you say, you could just mark the grave in your own way without the need for adding a headstone. A simpler, more personal tribute would be just as nice, if not nicer. Amanda x

I found my paternal grt grandma had died just three weeks before my dad was born in 1907. I got her death cert and altho she died in the German hospital at Dalston East London I knew before she went into hospital she had lived with her OH at her eldest sons family home im SE London.. A search via the local council found her burial in the local cemetery but in a common grave with eight others. Obviously the family at that time just couldn't afford a private grave. I was given all the details of the grave by the council and we went to the cemetery and the supervisor there took us to the area she was buried in . the graves are so well documented that he was able to pinpoint her grave and allowed me to put some flowers on it from her sons family that she never knew. Very moving cos I didnt know who she was before and that the family was German on that side. Shirley

Thanks for the messages Amanda and Shirley. Regards Ellen.

I recently found my father in laws brothers grave while following his family tree.He died 65 years ago as a boy and he purchased the grave.We were told there were several other buriels in the grave but as he was the last one to be burried there we were able to purchase the plot.We could only purchase it for the next 50 years and would have to re-apply after that.He also wanted to purchase his Grandmothers grave but as she has someone else on top of her he was not able to. His brothers grave now has a head stone on that says 'Lost but now found'

That's really lovely, Annie.

a quick question here, how do you find out how long the burial rights are for? I have the burial rights for my great grandparents grave but it doesn't say how long it lasts Linda