General Chat

Hi Janet. I am sorry to say that I have had a similar situation recently. I had been looking for my father for 4 years and 2 months ago I found him. Hip Hip Hoorah I thought!! Unfortunately, he didn't feel the same. It seems that he felt that once a door has been closed, it should stay that way. I met him once as he felt he owed me that and the resemblance was scary - like looking in the mirror - but that was as far as it went. I wrote to him once after our meeting but never received a reply. I feel a little dissapointed as he left when I was only two years old and so I thought that he might be interested in me as a person but no such luck. Fortunately, my mother did a grande job of raising me and my grandparents were hugely influential and I miss them dearly. Because of that, I feel I can have the attitude "it's his loss!". I feel I have so much to offer but he's not willing to give it a try. All I can say is sometimes it's better to give your full attention to the ones who already love you rather than waste time, energy and emotion on those who have fear in their lives. You never know, they may change their minds! Good luck for the future. Happy thoughts. Jackie

Janet, More or less exactly the same thing happened to my husband. We logged on to GC and found a link to his birth mother who had given him up for adoption at birth. We very carefully contacted the person who had entered his mothers details as we didn't want to upset anyone and discovered that she is my husbands 1/2 sister (and she has other siblings to, who were brought up with her by their mother). She had no knowledge of my husbands existence and was initially very cagey. Eventually though, once we had convinced her that he was not looking for trouble, she took the bull by the horns and spoke to her mother about it, hoping that she could perform some kind of reunion. However, my husbands mother rejected him instantly saying that she had closed that chapter of her life a long long time ago and refused to even talk to him. This was extremely painful for my husband who had been fostered and in childrens homes throughout his childhood. To find your mother and be tossed aside twice is not a nice feeling for anyone. Although we do not hold out much hope of ever making proper contact with his mother we can't give up and hope that as the facts sink in with his mother that she might soften and realise that she owes him at least one conversation. We are now having to rely on his 1/2 sister who is dropping subtle comments to their mum every now and then in the hope that she might crack! Have you considered sending an email with a letter attached about your father and his family to the person you have found here on GC. You could ask if they could pass it on to the other siblings which would then take the problem out of their hands? Just because the person on GC doesn't want to know, it doesn't mean the others don't. You could also look on 192 directory enq's to see if any of them are listed in the national phone directory. Again, this can be tricky if it's a common name but it might work. Don't give up all hope. People do react strangely to this kind of information suddenly presenting itself but given time view points can change! It's also worth bearing in mind that they may not have asked permission of the other living siblings before entering the details here and may be afraid of the reaction they will receive. That was the case with my husbands family and it certainly makes life more difficult. My husbands 1/2 sister has now deleted all of the information about the family from this site after encountering these problems. Good Luck. Eleanor xx

How frusrating for you janet and how sad for your dad.I can understand how hurt you must both feel. I wonder if the member concerned would be of the same opinon if the roles were reversed so to speak,, Give your dad a hug from me Claire x

Hi Janet Hope the family change their mind and agree to meet your Dad. Good Luck Jenny

Janet, Am really pleased that you have at last found the "missing peice" but even more sorry to hear that you and your dad have been rejected in uniting your family. As you say, why do people try to trace their family, and when things don't "conform" they try to dimiss it, like it doesn't exsist. Did this person not know of your Dad's existance? and what were their reasons for not wanting to take it further? Surley (or am I being single minded?) if there is a blood relative out there, the idea of genealogy is to find them. Good luck Janet, and I really hope you have better luck with this persons siblings maybe they think differently. Kim

Janet If it isn't a common name i will look it up for you. George

Hi Janet If you have names, a way of locating addresses is by using a programme called UK-Info-Disc which is based on the electoral roll. If it is a common name, unless you have a county location it is difficult. Smith, Brown and the like is well nigh impossible. It is possible to buy this for about £50, or £30 for last year's version. Better still, find someone who has a copy and will do look-ups for you Len

Hi I found the missing peice of my family tree jigsaw that I had been researching for over 10 yrs, meeting with dead ends all the way. Eventually April this year logged onto Genesconnected and found the missing peice. Found out my Dad has 4 1/2 sisters and 1 1/2 brother he never knew existed. He would love to meet them, if only once jsut to see family resemblance and maybe fill in a few more blanks. Unfortunately the member connected does not really want to take this any further now, and we are struggling to find the other relatives. Now my Dad is ill and may never get a chance to meet them. I just find it so sad that people go on these sites to look for relatives and family tree and then don't want to take it further, why research your tree if this is the case. My Aunt on my dads Mums side is researching her tree and has met with a sister she knew nothing about and may cousins and things and is delighted. Has anyone else had the same experience?