General Chat

The other week, my Niece was asking why people were wearing "tomato badges". These were of course poppies... or as she then called them "poppets".

A huge push, lol

Linda, that reminds me of another thing he said. You know when boys' boobs 'bud' when they are around 10 or so? - he wanted to know why he was 'getting boobs'. I told him that it was just his body deciding if he was male or female and he replied 'Well I hope it decides I'm male!' lol Magsx

I can't remember if I've put this on the board before but.... When my son was just old enough to take himself to the loo for a standing up wee he pointed to his testicles and said 'Mum, what are these things down here?' . As he was only about 3 I thought a simple explanation was best and replied 'When you get older that is where you will keep your baby seeds' A couple of weeks later (in the loo again) he asked 'Mum, you know these things where I keep the baby seeds, well, when they come out do these fall off?' Perhaps he thought they were conkers! lol Magsx

When my daughter was young she was in a bible class.They were talking about Adam&Eve.Someone asked why the devil went to Eve first instead of Adam.My daughter replied because its ladies before gentlemen

When my daughter was three she had the talk at playschool about not talking to strangers and saying no if one tried to speak to her. Well you can guess the rest! I was chatting to a very elderly neighbour, a dear little old lady, who said to my daughter 'You're a nice little girl, aren't you? and my daughter screamed 'No!!!' at her at the top of her voice. I now work at a nursery so could go on for ever. One of my favourites is of a 3 yr old telling me a story of something that had happened to her when she was 'young'!

On leaving Granmas one day, I said to my daughter, thank nanny for the sweets- which she did so. I then said thank nanny for the cake-which she did so. I then said thank nanny for the hostpitality, she looked at me then her nanny and said very seriously- I didn't have any of that.

I have a 5 year old neice, Chelsea. When she was around 3, if you asked her what colour hair grandad had she would say black and white. Another is from a little girl that lived on the same estate as I did. I was about 16 or so and I'd not long started work and thought I was quite grown up. While walking home I was nearly there when two children came over. A little boy said "lets ask that lady the time" to which the little girl said "that's not a lady; it's Naomi". So much for my reputation! Naomi

There are not only the funny things kids say - how about the embarrassing things kids say to complete strangers. I for one am good at that, think I embarrassed my mum many a time. For one, when me and my mum was stood at a bus stop, I was only 4 and my mum and dad hadn't long been divorced, he had a new girlfriend called Jackie, and was still staying at our house. I started telling complete strangers, that we don't live with MY daddy anymore, he lives in our house with a lady called Jackie who WE don't like her, but we don't care cos we live in a big big sky scraper (actually a block of flats). After the embarrassment of my poor mother at the bus stop, we then got onto the bus. The bus conductor came along to collect the fare. My mother asked for one ticket, but the conductor was having none of it and was asking my mum to pay a half as well, ( i was quite tall for me age you see) and this particular bus conductor was convinced I was 5. It wasn't the point of my mum paying the 10p, but i wasn't of the age that this conductor was convinced I was. In the end my mum turned to me and asked outright, "How old are you??" and what did I say. I replied "6", my mum then said "you are not 6", to which i then replied, "NO! but i will be soon". She was so embarrassed that she just paid the 10p in the end.

My sister was a schoolteacher in the East End of London in the 1950s, and brought home many a funny but true story. Like the note from a mother, saying that Freddie had been kept home yesterday because of diarrhoea through a hole in his wellington boot. (We always wondered how true his aim had been!) Like the girl in her class who asked how to spell "fryper" - Last night they had fryper taters for tea. Or the girl who wrote of her dream of riding horses - one whif a saddel and one whifawt one. And the boy in her class whose name was Jessie James Boggis. Jan

Have enjoyed reading these - I have all this to come, my son is only 18 months - so the funniest thing he's said so far is "Oh Dear !" (with hand clasped to mouth lol).

'i'm going to sams house to party'

Me again, Just had to say, read Joannes little stories, wish I knew how to print them off.. Excellent Joanne, keep us all laughing and smiling.

when my daughter was little, about 5, she was looking out of the window. All of a sudden she shouted... Mummy mummy, there is a penguin walking past.....looking out of the window it was a nun.. Still laugh to this day and she is now 15..

Hi, had to post this I had sent, a little rude but..... quite funny! Why We Love Children - These are worth a second or two of your time to read - promise 1. A kindergarten pupil told his teacher he'd found a cat, but it was dead. "How do you know that the cat was dead?" she asked her pupil. "Because I pissed in its ear and it didn't move," answered the child innocently. You did WHAT ? ! ?" the teacher exclaimed in surprise. "You know,"explained the boy, "I leaned over and went 'Pssst!' and it didn't move." 2. A small boy is sent to bed by his father. Five minutes later....."Da-ad...." "What?" "I'm thirsty. Can you bring drink of water?" "No, You had your chance. Lights out." Five minutes later: "Da-aaaad....." "WHAT?" "I'm THIRSTY. Can I have a drink of water??" I told you NO! If you ask again, I'll have to spank you!!" Five minutes later......"Daaaa-aaaad....." "WHAT!" "When you come in to spank me, can you bring a drink of water?" 3. An exasperated mother, whose son was always getting into mischief, finally asked him "How do you expect to get into Heaven?" The boy thought it over and said,"Well, I'll run in and out and in and out and keep slamming the door until St. Peter says, 'For Heaven's sake, Dylan, come in or stay out!'" 4. One summer evening during a violent thunderstorm a mother was tucking her son into bed. She was about to turn off the light when he asked with a tremor in his voice, "Mommy, will you sleep with me tonight?" The mother smiled and gave him a reassuring hug. "I can't dear," she said. "I have to sleep in Daddy's room." A long silence was broken at last by his shaky little voice: "The big sissy." 5. It was that time, during the Sunday morning service, for the children's sermon. All the children were invited to come forward. One little girl was wearing a particularly pretty dress and, as she sat down, the pastor leaned over and said, "That is a very pretty dress. Is it your Easter Dress?" The little girl replied, directly into the pastor's clip-on microphone, "Yes, and my Mom says it's a bitch to iron." 6. When I was six months pregnant with my third child, my three year old came into the room when I was just getting ready to get into the shower. She said, "Mommy, you are getting fat!" I replied, "Yes, honey, remember Mommy has a baby growing in her tummy." "I know," she replied, but what's growing in your butt?" 7. A little boy was doing his math homework. He said to himself, "Two plus five, that son of a bitch is seven. Three plus six, that son of a bitch is nine...." His mother heard what he was saying and gasped, "What are you doing?" The little boy answered, "I'm doing my math homework, Mom." "And this is how your teacher taught you to do it?" the mother asked. "Yes," he answered. Infuriated, the mother asked the teacher the next day, "What are you teaching my son in math?" The teacher replied, "Right now, we are learning addition." The mother asked, "And are you teaching them to say two plus two, that son of a bitch is four?" After the teacher stopped laughing, she answered, "What I taught them was, two plus two, THE SUM OF WHICH, is four." 8. One day the first grade teacher was reading the story of Chicken Little to her class. She came to the part of the story where Chicken Little tried to warn the farmer. She read, ".... and so Chicken Little went up to the farmer and said, "The sky is falling, the sky is falling!" The teacher paused then asked the class, "And what do you think that farmer said?" One little girl raised her hand and said, "I think he said: 'Holy Shit! A talking chicken!'" The teacher was unable to teach for the next 10 minutes. 9. A certain little girl, when asked her name, would reply, "I'm Mr. Sugarbrown's daughter." Her mother told her this was wrong, she must say, "I'm Jane Sugarbrown." The Vicar spoke to her in Sunday School, and said, "Aren't you Mr.Sugarbrown's daughter?" She replied, "I thought I was, but mother says I'm not." 10. A little girl asked her mother, "Can I go outside and play with the boys?" Her mother replied, "No, you can't play with the boys, they're too rough." The little girl thought about it for a few moments and asked, "If I can find a smooth one, can I play with him?" Now keep that smile on your face and pass it on to someone else!!

My boyfriend Steve has got a 6 year old called Lewis and I love it when he comes out with words like 'i learneded it' or 'i saided it' I think its great! Alaina

Luke is home from school today and was driving me mad so for somepeace and quiet i let him onto the computer, now as he's only 8 I like to know what he's up to.... Luke what you playing??? Bogies!!!! Bogies????? Yes Mum Boggies you pick it, lick it, roll it, and flick it needless to say he thought it was a great game!! shelli

Many years ago, I was driving the car, with my three young daughters in the back seat. They'd been bickering, each accusing the others of doing something or other. I stopped the car, told them that if I heard another word out of any of them, then I would turn the car round and we would go back home. Silence descended, but was broken by the very irate, accusing voice of my youngest daughter, then aged about 4. "OK then! Who bit my tongue?!" It was silent for a moment, and my oldest daughter, aged 9 said quietly, "Well, it certainly wasn't me!" ....... then we all laughed so much that I had to stop the car again because I couldn't see where I was going!

My daughter, 8, said this evening " is the tissue inside your body the same as toilet paper!" When I was asking my Nan about her family my daughter was listening. While Nan was giving me the names , 15 in all, my daughter said " I bet they had a people carrier! " So inocent, for now!

when my husband was in the navy we took the kids to an officers party ( my hubby wasnt an officer) we were all sitting quietly eating trying to be posh and my youngest piped up in a very loud voice daddy these testicles taste lovely (she meant tenticles) it was squid i just wet myself