General Chat

Hi Iam new to this site only joined last week. My daughter Samantha died last year aged 23 years , it made me think a bit deeper so looking up geneology. Finding life a bit difficult at the moment. Anyone in similar position.

Stella My heart goes out to you. It's such early days for you, and there's nothing I can say that will help, except that I understand, and that although time doesn't heal (whatever they say), it does make it easier to cope. My daughter died suddenly in 1985, aged 14, and the only way of getting through it is to take one day at a time. If you can absorb yourself in something that interests you, then that's the best thing you can do. While you are concentrating on something else, then you are giving yourself a little break from the grief. Believe me, when you get through this - and you WILL, even though it's hard to believe now - you will be a much stronger person than you ever thought possible. Best wishes Janet

It is hard Stella and you will never really get over the dreadful loss of your daughter. I lost my 19yo son in 2002 so I do know how you feel. Janet is right, you have to get on with life and taking on a project like your family history will give you a new perspective. You may well make some new friends along the way as well. Bob

My son's best friend was killed in a motoring accident some eight years ago and I still often think about him and what could have been. The fact that I work next door to his mother and also see her in a professional context doesn't help. But remembering Bernard as a gentle giant with his good nature and willingness to help does. Time is a healer, good memories seem to get better and bad memories fade. Best wishes.

It's still pretty early days for you too, Bob, but I can see that you are being very brave about it - on the outside. I found that all the 'firsts' were the worst thing to get through - first birthday, first christmas, first holiday without them, etc. But later on - years later on - it is the unexpected little things that hit you hard. My daughter's friends are all now 33/34 years old. To see them leaving school, going to University, getting a good job, getting married, having children, etc., really brings it home. Hearing music from the mid-80's does it too, because she so loved her music. Certain piano music pulls me up short, as she was an excellent piano player, and was about to take Grade 7........ particular perfumes .....things like that...... I shall never forget, in the early days, wondering how the world could just carry on as if nothing had happened - people laughing, and having fun - when all I wanted to do was cry. And if I ever saw a mother having a heated argument with her daughter ......... well ........... I also had very little sympathy for people who were wingeing about, what I saw as, insignificant little problems. It certainly makes you reassess your priorities in life! We expect to lose our parents, but no-one expects to lose their child in this day and age, do they? You're absolutely right - we never DO get over such a dreadful loss - but then we would never want to forget, either, would we?

Hi Stella, I can understand how you feel, we lost a grandson at 5 month old, and were totally devastated. Time eases the pain, but the grief still haunts - last November would have been his 18th birthday. All I can offer is condolences and my prayers - wish it could be more. Badger Bill

To Stella and Janet and Bob and Brian, I am so sad for all of you. I haven't lost a child but I have three I love dearly and I can't imagine life without them. I lost my mother at an early age so can agree that you never, ever get over something like that but one day at a time things gradually become bearable. After 25 years I still think of her every day but it all seems such a long time ago that it's manageable. The reason I started genealogy was to trace her father - I now know more about his life than she ever did. Best wishes.

Hi Stella, My big sister Penny died very suddenly on the morning of her 40th birthday 6th December 2003. Not even two months ago yet but in someways it feels forever ago and in others it's as if I've just had the phonecall from my Mum crying down the phone trying to tell me what had happened. I absolutely agree with what everyone here has already said in their messages. I have found everyone on GC so supportive of me and my family since Penny's death and although I didn't actually do any research or leave any messages on the boards for a while, I found that just reading through the thread boards a good way of relaxing for a few minutes now and then. I'm sure you will feel that same support if you stick around! They're a good bunch here. There's always someone around to offer a helping hand, advice or just friendship. And researching your tree will definitely give you something to get your teeth into and will keep you busy for as long as you let it! You'll never forget Samantha, but take one step at a time and you'll be ok. Love Eleanor xx

hi stella i am so sorry to hear about your beloved daughter.i cant begin to imagine how you must be feeling. ive got 4 children and 7 beautiful grandchildren and i would be devistated if anything happened to them.samantha wouldnt want you to be sad,so good luck and lots of love,my thoughts are with you and your family love and hugggs susie

To all of you who have suffered such an awful loss, I hope you gain some strength from the messages of support from this site and from those around you. Over the last week I have seen on my daughter and heard from her, about the awful effect that the loss of a 14 year old has had on friends and anyone who had come into contact with the lad. Many boys in my daughter's class played Rugby with him and were present when he collapsed. He died on the way to hospital. His funeral was held on Tuesday. So to all of you, may tomorrow find your pain eased a little. A big GC hug to all. Jacky xx

Dear Stella, Janet, Bob, Bill and Eleanor and all reading this page who have lost a loved one. My heart feels for you and your pain. I lost my dad in 2001 and still think of him every day. I have just had a quiet moment here in front of the PC to reflect on my family and realise how much I love them all. My 17 year old daughter and I often have those little arguments that usually end in one of us slamming a door or having a bit of a yell and that is the nature of things, but she is going to get a big hug from her mum when she gets home whether she wants it or not! Time really is a great healer and I hope very much that you all feel your loss a little less as you go along. Pam

Stella I don't know what to say. Lots of Love Sarah.