General Chat

I sent a letter ages ago with SAE to a 2nd cousin, and I never heard from him at all. Got to keep your head up thou.

I use GC to find my ancestors, I am in the fortunate(?) position of having met my great uncles and aunts, uncles and aunts and cousins through my life. As an adult with a choice, certain relations I can do without, I only meet them at funerals, and with the death of my gran last year, I will probably never meet them again. When my gran went into hospital my sister came from Sussex, my mum from Spain and I went from North Hampshire to Dorset to tidy her house. Gran had become a hoarder, to the extent that you couldn't get into the bedrooms and she slept on the sofa. We'd offered to clean the place up while she was in it, but she wouldn't let us, but we realised she wouldn't be allowed home with the house the state it was in. A weeks holiday from a full time job was spent getting the train to Dorset and cleaning crockery, cupboards, walls, curtains. I took clothes home on the train and washed and ironed them. One day it appeared the place had been broken in to, things were knocked over, picturesand old toys were gone and strangely, clean clothes had disappeared. We changed the locks, then my aunt phoned my sister to ask why the locks had been changed. It seems that my mums sister and brother (both retired) who had been unable to visit my Gran more than once a year, had been unable to help us clean the house, had been more than capable of coming down and taking what they wanted - including grans clothes - when it suited them, and as far as anyone knew, gran would be coming home! When gran was put into a home, they couldn't help clear the house, Mum, my sister and I took another week's holiday to do this, with the aunt and uncle coming down, not lifting a finger, nosing around, taking what they wanted, and almost putting in orders for what we may find, and accusing us of taking what we wanted! The funeral, arranged by my uncle was a fiasco. He went on holiday just after gran died, so the funeral was about 3 weeks after she died. He didn't bother to inform Grans living brother and sisters, despite living in the same town, didn't let any of her friends know - we did that! They tried to snub us - we just went over and spoke to them! They hogged the first 2 pews so my mum was in the third pew, not the front one as a direct relation. No wake was arranged. My aunt spoke to my mum once - to say she was tracing the family tree, and wanted anything that related to that. Mum asked her how far back she had got - asked if she had found the policeman (easy enough, gran was always talking about her grandfather) my aunt didn't know there was a policeman! Sorry it's so long, lot of steam to blow off. I'm not really grumpy, just these people make me see red! If any of these relations read this and recognise themselves I hope you think about your behaviour, and I hope your children don't treat you as you treated your mother. Having said all that, I have been in contact with third cousins from this side of my family and am more than happy to contact relations from the other side of my family - Hello Doreen and Lindy!

Oh Susie Now i feel really awful cos he did come in the end after me making him feel guilty,tail between legs--not literally!! The other one had been first thing this morning but hte again he is married and I think D.I L will have made sure he remembered. Wait till he leaves home then he will mis all the home comforts!! Ann,Darlington. Ps I agree it's not a gift it's the thought that's what I told him!!

I feel much better now thank you especially as all 3 of my children came today mind you I am still cooking dinner still its worth it. They are relatives I would chose to keep come to think of it I mostly do !! Sandra

ann i know the feeling!!! one of my sons still lives at home age 25 he hasnt even said happy mothers day!!! grrrrr!!! i dont expect anything because i feel that they should spend their money on other things but a cuddle would be nice:( susie

Hi Sandra don't you worry about letting off steam!! I have just done so with one of my Son's and now I feel better and he feels like you know what but he deserved it. Not coming to see his mother on Mother's Day!!! AWw Ann,Darlington

I agree with June it's thier loss. Don't waste your time or emotions on those that can't be bothered, concentrate on those that can. Although I would be inclined to drop them an e mail now and again with a mention of how far a field you have traced your roots and that you are making family contacts, no need to give details though just mention it, make them aware your family circle is getting bigger. I'd get a great kick out of that personally. like dangling a carrott in front of them but still being nice too LOL!! Much happiness Evil woman Debi of Ireland : )

Sandra It's their loss

Its true you can chose your friends but not your relatives Why do people put their names on here if they dont want to find relations? I was so excited when I found My dads cousin`s name on here contacted what turned out to be my 2nd cousin sent all info I had I am happy to share with anyone waited waited no reply sent another email thinking it might have gone astray nothing. As I use a school based account for my own account and it has strange ways thought I would send on main account got reply today he only put name on genes for something to do and is now bored doesnt bother with 1st cousins let alone 2nd put me in my place perhaps thats how the family lost touch in the first place. thanks for reading this I feel better now was really sad before. Mustn`t let it put me off I have made some lovely contacts some as far distant as 6th and 7th cousins and some not even related and they still keep in touch. hope to see lots of you at the Oxfordshire fair next Sunday Sandra