General Chat

Er - pearls WILL melt in vinegar, but you would have to leave them in there for an awfully long time - why would you want to??!!!

It's not only an elephant that can't jump, neither can my dog, we have tried to teach him many times, but to no avail and as he is nearly 13 now, I don't think he ever will. How do you test a crocodile to see if it can stick its tongue out and would anyone want to make it? Good though and the letter is excellent. M.

Oh dear, Yes, as soon as I read it I tried to lick my elbow! I can get much nearer my left elbow. If only my tongue was a bit longer... I have just copied the letter of resignation to a colleague. We listened to our network administrater today. He was not a happy bunny. Might be one to send to him. He would know where the writer was coming from. Kathy

The Best Resignation Letter Ever Actual letter of resignation from an employee at Zantex Computers, USA, to her boss, who apparently resigned very soon afterwards! Dear Mr. Baker, As a graduate of an institution of higher education, I have a few very Basic expectations. Chief among these is that my direct superiors have an intellect that ranges above the common ground squirrel. After your consistent and annoying harassment of my co-workers and me during the commission of our duties, I can only surmise that you are one of the few true genetic wastes of our time. Asking me, a network administrator, to explain every little nuance of everything I do each time you happen to stroll into my office is not only a waste of time, but also a waste of precious oxygen. I was hired because I know how to network computer systems, and you were apparently hired to provide amusement to myself and other employees, who watch you vainly attempt to understand the concept of "cut and paste" for the hundredth time. You will never understand computers. Something as incredibly simple as binary still gives you too many options. You will also never understand why people hate you, but I am going to try and explain it to you, even though I am sure this will be just as effective as telling you what an IP is. Your shiny new iMac has more personality than you ever will. You walk around the building all day, shiftlessly looking for fault in others. You have a sharp dressed useless look about you that may have worked for your interview, but now that you actually have responsibility, you pawn it off on overworked staff, hoping their talent will cover for your glaring ineptitude. In a world of managerial evolution, you are the blue-greenalgae that everyone else eats and laughs at. Managers like you are a sad proof of the Dilbert principle. Since this situation is unlikely to change without you getting a full frontal lobotomy reversal, I am forced to tender my resignation, however I have a few parting thoughts. 1. When someone calls you in reference to employment, it is illegal for you to give me a bad recommendation. The most you can say to hurt me is "I prefer not to comment." I will have friends randomly call you over the next couple of years to keep you honest, because I know you would be unable to do it on your own. 2. I have all the passwords to every account on the system, and I know every password you have used for the last five years. If you decide to get cute,I am going to publish your "favorites list", which I conveniently saved when you made me "back up" your useless files. I do believe that terms like "Lolita" are not usually viewed favorably by the administration. 3. When you borrowed the digital camera to "take pictures of your Mother's birthday," you neglected to mention that you were going to take pictures of yourself in the mirror nude. Then you forgot to erase them like the techno-moron you really are. Suffice it to say I have never seen such odd acts with a sauce bottle, but I assure you that those have been copied and kept in safe places pending the authoring of a glowing letter of recommendation. (Try to use a spell check please; I hate having to correct your mistakes.) Thank you for your time, and I expect the letter of recommendation on my desk by 8:00 am tomorrow. One word of this to anybody, and all of your little twisted repugnant obsessions will be open to the public. Never f*** with your systems administrator. Why? Because they know what you do with all that free time! Wishing you a grand and glorious day, Cecelia

Nat..rofl... I cracked up trying to lick my elbow even before I finished reading your thread... Thank! I needed good laugh.. Lindy:-))

19/ YES!! Doesn't 'orange' rhyme with 'month'?! Can we have another instalement of these please?

Yes I did try to lick my elbow Ha ha ha Elaine x ( Going ever so slightly bonkers ! )

1. Dentists have recommended that a toothbrush be kept at least 6 feet away from a toilet to avoid airborne particles resulting from the flush. 2. The liquid inside young coconuts can be used as substitute for blood plasma. 3. No piece of paper can be folded in half more than 7 times. 4. Donkeys kill more people annually than plane crashes. 5. The king of hearts is the only king without a moustache. 6. Venus is the only planet that rotates clockwise. 7. Apples, not caffeine, are more efficient at waking you up in the morning. 8. The plastic things on the end of shoelaces are called aglets. 9. Most dust particles in your house are made from dead skin. 10. The first owner of the Marlboro Company died of lung cancer. 11. Pearls melt in vinegar. 12. The three most valuable brand names on earth: Marlboro, Coca-Cola,and Budweiser, in that order. 13. It is possible to lead a cow upstairs...but not downstairs. 14. A duck's quack doesn't echo and no one knows why. 15. Turtles can breathe through their butts. 16. On average, 100 people choke to death on ball-point pens every year. 17. Elephants are the only animals that can't jump. 18. Women blink nearly twice as much as men. 19. It's physically impossible for you to lick your elbow. 20. The Main Library at Indiana University sinks over an inch every year because when it was built, engineers failed to take into account the weight of all the books that would occupy the building. 21. A snail can sleep for three years. 22. No word in the English language rhymes with "MONTH." 23. Our eyes are always the same size from birth, but our nose and ears never stop growing. 24. All polar bears are left handed. 25. A crocodile cannot stick its tongue out. 26. Almost everyone who reads this email will try to lick their elbow. PS... So, did you try to lick your elbow????

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