General Chat

anyone got any funny stories, aboout anything and everything. ifso please tell :) jo

An engineer dies and reports to the pearly gates. St. Peter checks his dossier and says, "Ah, you're an engineer -- you're in the wrong place." So the engineer reports to the gates of hell and is let in. Pretty soon, the engineer gets dissatisfied with the level of comfort in hell, and starts designing and building improvements. After a while, they've got air conditioning and flush toilets and escalators, and the engineer is a pretty popular guy. One day God calls Satan up on the telephone and says with a sneer, "So, how's it going down there in hell?" Satan replies, "Hey, things are going great. We've got air conditioning and flush toilets and escalators, and there's no telling what this engineer is going to come up with next." God replies, "What??? You've got an engineer? That's a mistake -- he should never have gotten down there; send him up here." Satan says, "No way. I like having an engineer on the staff, and I'm keeping him." God says, "Send him back up here or I'll sue." Satan laughs uproariously and answers, "Yeah, right. And just where are YOU going to get a lawyer?"

In the town where I live we've got this guy who is about three sandwiches short of a picnic. He drinks in the bar down the road and one night one of the new neighbors stopped in for a pint. Turns out he's a beekeeper and has two or three hives at the bottom of his garden. Somehow we all got to talking about pets and we're comparing them all. The beekeeper tells us that bees are actually quite smart for insects and to prove it told us this: Every morning at 5 he'd go out to the hives and flip the latches to let the bees out. They'd all fly down to the park and wouldn't return until around five sharp that evening when he replaced the latch. Our friend (the Looney) started laughing at this point and when we asked why he thought this was funny he said, "cos it's bullshit! Everybody knows the park gates don't open till 10!

A wise school teacher sends this note to all parents on the first day of school: "If you promise not to believe everything your child says happens at school, I'll promise not to believe everything he says happens at home.

lmao thats funny, will have to tell everyone else i know (here in wales) lollllllll

come on people!! its a boring sunday so i expect someone needs cheering up. jo

A plane flying over the ocean was losing power and the pilot said "We have to lighten the load." The passengers, an Englishman, Frenchman, American and a Mexican, helped to throw out all the baggage, and even the seats. Still the plane was losing height, so the Englishman said "God Save the Queen" and jumped out. Still the plane was losing height so the Frenchman stood up, sang the first verse of the Marseillaise and jumped out. Still the........ so the American stood up said "Remember the Alamo" and threw out the Mexican.

This is true and just happened this afternoon. My mum bought the Mail on Sunday and asked us if we'd like the free 'Corned Beef' CD that came with it. What???? Turns out she meant MEATLOAF !!!!!!!

omg lolol mothers! lol

took our little granson for a meal in snack bar my husband who is not abig fan of snack bars said these chips are not bad for frozen ones our gransons reply was but grandad mine are red hot.

lmao