General Chat

After searching on GC I found what I am 99% sure what is my mums half sister. I was even given the address of her. Id been searching for my mums birth father and having got this far I gave her the address and left the next step up to her. She has decided not to persue it and now im curious and want to investigate....any suggestions?

I would go with Judith. Ask first and see the reaction, then decide. Good luck.

hi Rach Maybe give her a little time? No matter how well prepared you are, it's still quite a shock when you actually 'find' a birth relative. She may well have made her decision 'on the spot' and possibly change her mind when she's had time to think. Is there another relative of this aunt that you could contact instead of contacting aunt direct? Good luck!

Its difficult. As far as mum sees it her father hasnt wanted anything to do with her for the past 52 years so why would he want to now? The other main thing is the fact that she has Multiple Sclerosis quite badly and she worried that that will be the reason for rejection. Its irritating that she thinks like that. Dont know what to say to change her views on this.....

Hi again Rach I've been through the ordeal of 'rejection' by my birth mother and one of my half-siblings - and I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. It's heartbreaking. I have ME and although I wouldn't consider this a reason for rejection, my condition was definitely worse during the bad times. MS is an awful illness and it would be terrible if your mum's health was affected. But I would still suggest making contact with another relative if possible. I made contact with my half-brother instead, and have the best relationship ever, making up for all the sadness and distress. Or failing that, make the contact yourself without giving away your mum's address etc (I know I probably shouldn't suggest doing something underhand but tact and discretion may be the key!!).

I think if it were me, I would not be able to sit and do nothing so I would have to ask my mum - after giving her a bit of time to get used to the idea that the research is possible - if she would be happy for me to pursue it. But because that would put me in a very difficult position if she said no, I think I would have to phrase it in a way that would make clear my feelings on the subject, and my need to pursue it for my own sake even if she were not happy. After all, it would be about my family as well as hers and I would have a right to know. That being in the open, the issue for her would then be whether she wanted to know how I got on, or whether she would prefer to be kept out of it completely. Angela

I understand eveyones reply. But I would say that if you are not strong enough to accept rejection, dont bother. I have been in a similar situation. I'm not strong enough to be rejected again and as much as I want to, sometimes, couldn't put myself through it again or to see "my family" see me hurt. Ask your Mum and let your feelings take you where you need to go........If it is against your Mums will, explain why you need to know. You dont want to cause an upset. Good luck and best wishes in what you decide to do. Jo.