General Chat

I too have problems in the playground. Your right, it is very clicky. In my little boys playground the majority of mums do where tracksuits or jeans. When i go to pick my little boy up i am in my smart work clothes and they look at me like muck. I always make a point of saying hello or general chit chat to break the ice to show that i am normal. A lot of the mums don't go to work and this gives them the opportunity to be 'helpers' in the class room during school hours, because i am at work i dont get this chance, i am singled out because of this. I get awkward looks for not letting my little boy 'run on ahead' like they do, where there are busy roads. Because i say no to icecream van on cold rainy days and they say yes,they look at me as if i'm mean. At the end of the day, i love my little boy and want to look after him to my best ability and if they want to look at me awkwardly for this, then thats their problem, not mine.

Angela -- I too have a five year old and work a 4 day week. My son attends a small school and yes I often feel like an outsider collecting him on "my day". Many of the Mums are very nice, but others clearly don't approve of working mums. I do rearrange time at work to attend school functions whenever possible, but this isn't helped by often being given only one or two days notice. Personally, I'm not too bothered what people think of me. I'm proud of the job I do and the example I set my children. But I do worry that my son gets left out and/or picked on. Some of his classmates were taunting him for being poor. Now firstly, those children have been taught an appalling set of values. And secondly, its not even true, both my husband and I are lucky enough to have good jobs, we just don't choose to spend our money on designer clothes, flashy cars and indulging our children with every latest gismo. Ann

That's a real bonza rhyme, Michelle. We'll all come and join your class! Big hug, Philip

If I could build a school - and have a class like you I'd build with bricks and morter - and have your family too Such lovely people replied today - I did not expect the same God bless you all -farewell - goodnight I'm really glad you came!

I always feel an outsider when I pick my 5 year old up from school. I work full time and so can only drop him off and pick him up on Wednesdays, when I work from home rather than my office. A lot of the mums have never made the effort to get to know me because I am not there every day and I find that I and my son are "excluded" from things - get togethers after school etc even if they are on Wednesdays. Like everyone else there I am doing my best for my family. I would love to be at the school every day, and be free to host coffee mornings, help with fundraising, and whathaveyou like others. But I can't and I can't feel guilty about it because it is my income that pays our mortgage (a lot of those who ignore me don't need to work as their husbands earn enough to car for all their needs - cars, clothes, outings etc). Without my wage we'd go under and would not have a roof over our heads. The very few mums that appreciate this, and take time to include me in their conversations and activities, earn my respect. I can't worry about the others. Angela

Michelle, Let me add a few words from the closing chapter of Donald Woods' book "Asking for Trouble". He was the white South African editor who befriended Steve Biko at the height of apartheid, and had to get out of the country with his family when he was internally banned as a "non-person". Later turned into "Cry Freedom" by Richard Attenborough. He wrote, at the end of a long flight to London, "As the plane came in to land at Gatwick, I warned the children to behave because there would be reporters waiting. 'How many reporters, Daddy?' asked Dillon. ....... We weren't prepared for the scale of our welcome..... It was staggering..... As we walked from the aircraft into the crowded terminal, I felt full of hope and a new perception. For so long in the war between the apartheid 'they' and the anti-apartheid 'we', it had been 'they' who had monopolised power..... But in this wider perspective of a whole world full of people, it suddenly seemed that 'they' were now in the weaker position. There were so many more of 'us' now. In fact, most of humanity." 'Nuff said. Go get 'em, girl! Philip

this happens to me,i find it so differcult as i'm very shy,and it doesnt help when you pluck up the courage to speak to someone and they completely ignore you.my husband said i,m being over sensitive and its their loss.hes very chatty and they all talk to him,luckily i only live round the corner.they only talk to you when they want something. at least when we're on our own we can keep an eye on our kids,all these little "clicks" are to busy chatting and letting their kids run riot.

hi..im one of the ignored also but i do have a car fortunately.my hubbys a wagon driver and works hard to provide for his family.most of the mums at my daughters schl live on the same council estate as us.i dnt care they dnt talk to me,that way i dnt get involved in their petty arguments and scuabbles.i chose to walk to schl for the exercise benefits for me and the kids.i do occasionally get spoken to when theyve been outed or had a falling out but i make my excuses and leave.sometimes its much easier not being in the "in" crowd as im teaching my children.I do agree with the comment earlier thou i do ususally speak to the new mums and dads that dnt know anyone as i know how bewildering it is.x

i went through the same thing when my eldest two kids were at school (now 21 & 18) and was made to feel beneath these people as i was divorced, but i was always there to collect my kids. i must have done something right as both my kids have done ok for themselves and stayed out of trouble, which is more than can be said for some of those kids who's poor mothers looked down on me when i was less confident about myself. i now have a 3yr old and am more confident, now days when im in the playground i am friendly to all and am welcoming to new mums, i desided that i would not be made to feel that way again. forget about the click and enjoy your kids school years by getting involved, i even became a parent governer. at the end of the day money may buy nice cars and fancy clothes but it will never replace a mothers love & time. penny

It,s so sad isn,t it? at the end of the day it,s still mom,s or dads[they can be just as bad] and it,s still about mixing with other parents.The ones described here arn,t worth the effort,it,s the other ones that should be cultivated,,the caring ones ,the nice people,it dosn,t matter what walk of life they are from it,s what they are that makes the difference.Fred.

Philip, I saw a similar story on the teletext yesterday, that it's the less well off who give more to charity. My mum always says that's how the rich get rich - by not spending their money! Michelle, don't worry, I hope you can see now that actually the little cliques are the 'minority' and the real people like yourself are in the 'majority'. I always think these people must be very dissatisfied with life if they have to have the security of their own little club! Hold your head high girl, you've nothing to be ashamed of! Love Mandy xx

Jillian's dead right, the folks in more affluent areas are much more reluctant to put their hand in their pocket and contribute to charities etc than people in poorer areas. I was reading an article in yesterday's Independent that listed the top 10 in generous terms, and the bottom 10 areas in scrooge terms. The worst offenders were all wealthy London suburbs. Surprise, surprise! Philip

I totally sympathise with this one....I'm on my own having separated from my husband, 3 young kids, live in a council flat in a very nice area. There are quite a few mum's who will not even give you the time of day unless you fit into some sort of "spec". some of the mums wont talk in the playground cos I obviously dont conform to their "spec"!! However, if they took the time to actually talk to me and get to know me, they would find out that I went to a private school, had a very good education, am not the brainbox of Britain but am intelligent. At school I never wanted a career, I wanted to be a wife and mother. I am the Chairman on the PTA and have found that parents "with money and flash cars" have been the first to complain about having to put their hands in their pockets for various school events (trips etc), but us mums with hardly any money and no flash car, willingly help out each and every time. I know which clique I'd rather be in.....I can walk with my head held high knowing that I'm there for my children, hopefully teaching them appreciation for all things in life and especially to be non judgemental about others. You walk with your head held high too.....you're way too good for those that shun you.! Jill x

I've been on both sides of this fence - I worked full time out of necessity when my daughter was first born, and she went to a nursery while I worked. When she fisrt started school the nursery would collect her every day, and I would fetch her after I finished work, apart from one day a week when my mum would collect her 'cos my shift finished too late. Now I work part time, and am in the playground to collect my daughter every day, and I love it. I speak to one or two of the mums, because they happen to be people I knew before, but more recently , because we moved and I now have to drive to school, I have spotted a couple of the walking mums and stopped to offer them a lift. That has increased my mums to talk to by about double! I still feel like a bit of a loner, as there are lots of clicky little groups who all stand together and ignore anyone they don't know, but I just see it as their loss. My daughter has told me countless times she's really pleased now I can come to school every day, and at the end of the day if she's happy so am I.

Children learn by example. Money, fast cars or the latest gear don't always make a child happy. I am a working mum but am lucky enough to have a job that starts at 11.00 and ends at 2.30 so i am able to take my not so little ones to school and pick them up again when it ends and then taxi them around to swimming lessons, chess club, bownies or scouts or what ever other activity is planned for that night. If it wasn't for my children i would have a social life of my own but i wouldn't have it any other way. Enjoy them whilst you can. Also new mums at the school gate are often as terrified as the new children going to school and a smile can make all the difference TRY IT.....

Michelle You should feel sorry for those in that clique, each one is frightened to leave first, because they know they will be talked about as soon as they leave. Friends, pooh, with friends like that who needs enemies!

michele i know exactly how you feel my children are all married now but i was just the same as you. i used to walk my children to school,rain or shine,and wear my jeans and trainers!! but some of the mums used to wear their best clobber,make sure their hair was just perfect and touch up their makeup!! but after all i was only from the mere COUNCIL ESTATE not the private houses lol saying that i was happy and so were my kids! even though they never had the latest gadgets .after all hubby was only a tin pot carpenter not a managing director!!! lol susie

Michele, Don't fret. Obviously Mums in playgrounds, are like kids in playgrounds.... shows you that some people NEVER grow up. I was one of those kids that didn't have the trendy clothes, shoes etc. My mum used to walk us 3 miles to school, because she couldn't drive, and anyway we wouldn't have been able to afford another car. I didn't have those special things that everyone else at school had, I spoke differently.... I was different!! But, I was relatively oblivious to it. It didn't make me unhappy. Chloe

I to had the same problem when my children were little. The clicky bunch of snooty mothers would ignore me though I did try to speak to them but was never accepted, why I don't know. Anyway the kids all grew up, a lot in trouble with the police, some even in jail. My two were never in touble and both have very good jobs. Do these women still think they are better then me? I don't think so. Jo.

Hello Michele, Don't worry about it, just ignore them, we used to call them the 4 wheel drive set (always arriving in Volvo estates, big efforts with rhino bars etc.) What, in central downtown Sheffield? Haven't seen a rhino there for years! lol! Philip