General Chat

I retired in May 2002, from a tied cottage, managed to buy a house in a village, my wife was overjoyed that we would be able to enjoy a long and happy retirment in our very own home, sadlyshe died on 8th December 2002 six weeks after finding out she had lung cancer. I am heart broken but i have learned to cope i still have tearful days, now here is the sad task i have'nt been able to sort her clothes with out falling apart, but i feel i must do it soon or they will get moth eaten and musty any advice how please, i will give them to a charity shop but have been told that some help them selves to the best before putting them on sale, can anyone reassure me on that one or addvise me were to take them, i will read replys sunday evening as i'm going to The Sue Ryder Fete in Peterborough. Many Thanks David

hi david, i had the same problem as you a few years back, having to sort through my grandads cloths and possesions, and like you i was told that many charity shops help them selves before they are put out on the shop floor,so i went in search of the perfect place and retired one item in my wardrobe,which i would never wear,and found that friends of my grandads were the best place for them to go and the remainder went to the lions hospice.The saddest thing is the very new looking coat thats hanging in my wardrobe.The other cloths whether they were sold or sorted through by staff (who are volunteers) is benefiting someone, the only other thing to do is go and set up a stall at a bootfair or something like that and then donate all the money yourself that way you know what happened to them. . . . .louisex x x x

Hi David, I've worked in a hospice charity shop. Once a bag of clothes comes in someone will sort them, price them and hang them up on a rail in the sorting room ready to go out in the shop when space allows. The volunteers will naturally look at any new stock but be assured the price is always paid and the money is put in the till. If the person sorting likes the look of something another volunteer is asked to put a price on the item. So even if you don't see a particular item of clothing being put in the shop be assured it has been paid for.

Hi David. Do you have a neighbour who could help you sort through things? Two of our neighbours lost their spouses quite suddenly and one had a friend from church spend the day with her and the other had a friend help him. My mum had a friend help her when her sister passed away -- it's a bit easier when there is someone to talk to. After reading what others have said, it sounds like people will benefit from your kind act. I know things will work out for you.

David So sorry to read of your pain. I can't pretend that I know exactly how you feel, but I can sympathise as I lost my Husband to cancer last August and have not been able yet to sort his clothes. It is always hard for the ones left behind, and this act is one of the hardest that we will probably ever have to perform, also worrying about doing it, I have been constantly told I will know when the time is right. Perhaps by the fact you have left this message that time is nearing for you, although it should not be so much I have to do it, but I am ready to do it. I was also advised to have someone with me when I do it, it's a very personal task and I think you should follow your own feelings, as you may prefer to do it in private. I know I shall keep some items of clothes, and I think it would be comforting for you to do the same. I know it's hard but I think we have to try and see the clothes as material things no longer required in this earthly world, and whatever happens that person remains with us. Others have already talked about the ways charities deal with items, and I think you should take heart in knowing that whichever charity you choose, they will be grateful for your donation, and it will also help those who are not so well off. I am sure your wife would also like that (maybe there is a charity that was close to her heart) I can only follow on by saying, I hope the pain eases for you and you are given all the strength you need to deal with this sad task. Take care Lynda xxx.

David, I'm so sorry to hear that you lost your wife so soon after your retirement. I lost my best friend to cancer recently so I now make and sell greetings cards in aid of the local hospice that would have looked after her had she not passed away so quickly. This hospice does have a charity shop in our little town, so I donate all clothes etc to them and I even buy my Christmas cards from them. My friend's husband has a lovely photograph of his wife just before her diagnosis, in which she looks happy and carefree. He has the dress she was wearing and has had it dry-cleaned and packed away in acid free tissue paper. Maybe you could use this idea? Thinking of you at this difficult time, Mandy x

David I am so sorry that your wife died. My advice is to grit your teeth and get this task done as soon as possible, otherwise it will always be on your mind that you have to do it. I know it isn't an easy thing to do. I would also advise that if possible you go to a charity shop in another town, the reason why I say this is some 18 months after my father( who was also my best friend) died, I saw someone his build wearing his leather jacket, it was a nasty shock, one I would rather not had. My thoughts are with you, take care. June

Hi David Please accept my condolences. As for sorting, I know how you feel - my father in law died last friday, and I know the task of sorting his effects will fall to me [he had no sons, only daughters]. It is going to be hard, but not as hard as for you. Can I suggest that you get a close friend in to help, or possibly carry out the task for you. Take note of one other reply - take everything to another town. All best wishes Badger Billl

I work in a charity shop and we always empty the bags, sort them out and hang them up. If someone who works there likes something then they pay the price that is set for that item. But it is a good idea to try and put them outwith where you stay if you can. When my mum died I brought all her clothes into one of the local charity shops and was quite distressed to see someone wearing mums favourite coat walking past me only a few days later. So its best if you can to put them in another town. Its a very difficult task and I wish you well. Eileen