General Chat

What do you all think about smacking children?I thought that if I ever had children,an odd smack would do no harm and I would want a bit of discipline instilled in them but now that I have a little son,I cant bear to smack him,even a little tap on the hand.Am I being silly?My husband gives him a little tap on the hand and I guess he will be the disciplinarian,not me.

yes it's a very emotive arguement. on one hand, I think the "short sharp shock" approach works well sometimes... the problem is that in some cases it goes beyond that, and that's where the problems lay. Am not sure a total ban is practical though. I know what my father would say.. in his day, if he did something wrong he'd get a clip round the ear and it never did him any harm

I believe in a short sharp slap around the legs or bottom to teach children to behave. After all, it's only natural - look at how lionesses deal with their cubs. It keeps children safe if they are doing something dangerous and hopefully they won't grow up into little yobs who think they can do what they like because nobody can touch them.

Not sure about smacking, i think it depends on the circumstances. Im so soft that the few times i did smack mine i felt worse about it than they did. I dont agree with this "let them do what they want" attitude - i think that's why so many kids have gone off the rails.

I agree with you totally Sheila... can only really remember beign smacked once as a child and I had been VERY bad... the probem is, its those that go too far that need better control.

I remember when I'd been naughty my Mum would smack the calf of my legs, I never knew which leg it was going to be and used to sort of hop from one to the other. I laugh about it now with my grown up children but it never did me any harm. I feel that some of the youngsters these days get away with too much. Julia

I never smacked my six year old, when she was small. However, now she is old enough to understand 'no', and she deliberately does something she shouldn't, we have a new system. She knows that if Mummy has to count to five, then it is an automatic smack (on back of legs). Normally the threat is enough, and I only have to get to three before the action stops!! The counting ensures that I calm down and she has plenty of warning. I do not agree with smacking your child to take out your anger or frustration, merely as a deterant to a childs sometimes dangerous actions (ie. banging on window with wooden toy!)

mine wasn't for being rude, it wasd for going AWOL for several hours when I was about 8... they were really worried about me, as I was usually so sensible (some thing never change eh ?)

Steph, that sounds perfectly reasonably. My sister in law has a similar approach, and she also uses the "naughty corner"... if tshe kids misbehave they have to go to a certain place in the room and stay there until they're sorry.. it works brilliantly.

What REALLY annoys me is when people like Salmon Rushdie are interviewed on Radio 4 about the subject. What the hell does he know?

thats why I woudn't listen to radio 4 lol What were his views then ?

Fascinating to read all your comments. I think what the proposed new law is all about is defining the legal rights of children to be protected from physical abuse, in the same way that the rights of adults are already defined. The problem is that "chastisement" (the present state of the law) is a very subjective definition, as we all know, and we can all quote from our personal experience of being brought up. One of the strongest arguments against a blanket ban on smacking is that it could potentially overload the police and court services, particularly if the new generation of PC children catch on and make a legal art form out of constant complaints. As against that, one retired Met police commisioner, who is a strong supporter of a blanket ban, having seen the sharp end of parental violence in his job, has stated that the police would have to use their discretion in deciding when to prosecute. It's very sad to see some younger mothers in particular, who clearly aren't able to communicate well with their children, standing and screaming at them in public places, and threatening them with all kinds of physical retribution. I wonder what we could do better to help such young parents cope better with their new responsibilities? Philip

Lucky those people who can remember how many times they were smacked, I had a schoolteacher father, who probably came home having had enough of kids for one day, so I most probably got it taken out on me, cause I seemed to get a smack most days no matter how trivial the reason. Discipline seems to have gone downhill since teachers weren't allowed to use the cane, so I think it must be a deterrant. My own children got smacked at times, but not very often, and often a raised hand did the trick without having to smack at all. Val

I also use the counting to three method followed my a short sharp slap on the botty if the naughty behavior doesn't stop on my youngest. As has been said it usually does before you get to three. My eldest is 15 and the same size as me. Wouldn't think of smacking her cos I reckon she could pack a right good punch! lol. Instead she either gets grounded or her mobile phone taken away etc. Philip I know what you mean about these Mums (and some Dads it has to be said) screaming at their kids etc. Perhaps a parenting class would help but how you would get them to attend I don't know. You would probably be met with the same verbal abuse as their kids get. Jeanette

hi fee,mine depends..i believe in smacking as it never did me any harm but it doesnt always work.ive got three children the eldest ive only ever had to raise my voice and that still works.the middle one gets a smack now and again but as a last resort,putting him in bed and grounding works better.the little one gets a tap on his hand but hes only 18mths so doesnt fully understand yet.you should be able to pick the punishment that suits your child..i dnt agree with people telling you what you can or cnt do,obviously some people take it too far but thats not the majority of people.my middle child is four and when he's showing off or going too far i threaten to pull his pants down and let everyone laugh at him but luckily ive not had to do it yet.xx

Hi Fee B, There are lots of interesting comments here, and I for one am appalled at a proposed 'blanket ban' on smacking and the idea that the police will have to 'use their discretion' when prosecuting - that just cries out for discrepancies and unfairnesses in the system. As someone has already intimated, all other animals, and we are animals after all, chastise their young when necessary. However, you did ask a question - am I being silly? I think not silly, but unwise. I have 4 children, and am step-mother to 3 more, all now grown up, and I did find that they all needed to be treated differently. When one of my daughters was little, I only had to look at her in a certain tone of voice and she knew that she had done something unacceptable. One of my sons didn't respond to anything much in the way of reason, raised voice, removal of privileges or anything other than a smart slap. He didn't need many, but when he was old enough to reminisce, his comment was that it was the only way he was sure that I really meant that I was saying to him!!! My point is that you need to be a parent to your son, not just a pal. He needs you to do what is in his best interests, not just to keep him smiling at all costs. If he is able to twist you round his little finger, he will quickly learn to play you off against his father to get his own way. You are at least partly responsible for the kind of person he will become, and he is 'becoming' from the day he is born. You owe it to him to help him be the best he can be and in order to do that he needs to learn boundaries. The idea that he may need a smack or two along the way is not the end of the world. A 'running wild' teenager is not a pretty sight! The fact that you are agonising over this indicates that you are a good Mum who ultimately has your son's best interests at heart, so enjoy him, and any more you may eventually have, but for his sake, be his Mum!! He cannot grow up to be a rounded human being, a 'good man', without a few tears along the way, his and yours.

I don't believe in smacking as a first resort - reasoning is always best. I use my front door mat as a "naughty mat". When my son or daughter are naughty I send them to sit on the mat and ask them to count to a number that I decide - the more naughty they've been the higher the number. It works, and also made my son the best at counting in his playschool when he was 3 (as a result of the terrible 2s)!!!!!! If I don't feel that's enough, I set my kitchen timer for a number of minutes and they have to sit there till it beeps. When they've counted or the timer beeps I go to them and ask if they understand why I've made them sit there, then we talk about why what they did was wrong. Sometimes I withdraw privileges and explain why - eg taking a favourite toy away for a day or two, or withholding tv (not that they watch much). But I have smacked my son a couple of times when I thought it was the best course of action, and stand by my right to do so. The first time was when he reached up and tried to play with the flames on the gas cooker. The second when he pushed his 18 month old daughter out of the front door and shut it on her because he decided he didn't want her any more. Both times I told him why I'd smacked him. He and my daughter are happy and well adjusted. Angela

Its nice to know there are so many sensible , loving and caring parents on this site, it bodes well for the future. When you look at how the politicians behave in Parliament it makes me shudder to think that they think they have the right to tell parents how to bring their children up!! Dedrah

I think that a law on smacking will be a total waste of time. This applies to both a total or partial ban. No reasonable parent would ever want to "hurt" their child. They may believe in a small smack and would not resort to anything stronger. It is the unreasonable parents that do physically abuse their children that this law is meant to be aimed at. Surely common sense tells us that physical abuse of children is wrong. We do not need a law to tell us that. The sort of parents that do abuse their children would not take any notice of a law on smacking. They will carry on abusing their children law or no law. It's just the same as "wife beaters", there is a law against that, but it still happens. Janet

Im very interested to read all the replies.Although I prefer not to smack our son,I will raise my voice and distract him with something else.He is very young yet but needs to understand not to touch certain things and I try and use words like burny etc. to try and teach him not to touch but he laughs at me and makes me melt and I have a wee giggle to myself when he isnt looking.Its a learning curve for both him and I.All in a lifetime!