General Chat

I am more than a little angry. I used GC to find my dad who it is probable does not even know I exist. I was adopted out after my birth! I know my mothers name and even that she has daughters, also they know about me. I found one of them via GC, and sent her an e-mail to make contact with me so I could find out some more about my history. Not only did she not respond, but all details of her, my mother, her brother etc have been taken off GC and FR site. OK, I accept this is difficult for them, but really, what did they expect??

Hi Paul, I think it is very cruel and sad that they have done that even if they don't want to know you they could have given you info on your dad and then asked you not to contact them again. However good luck in the search for your dad Paul. Chrissy.x

They probably diddnt expect to hear from you, silly as it may seem, sometimes people block out adoptions from their minds as it was too painfull to cope with. Their reaction may be one of shock. They may be scared. Try the electorial register to try to trace them. If anything you may be able to send a letter explaining who you are & your need for family details, even if they dont want a relationship with you. Ask them to fill in the peices of the puzzle for you. maybe someone on here can help you trace them. Dont forget you can talk to us on here anytime Good luck & chin up. Elaine x

Paul Joan Allan at www.myfolks(.)com has helped a lot of people on this site, she has experience in handling these issues, maybe you would like to talk to her.

paul june is right joan allen found my aunt within 30 minutes of me posting a message on her website i had been looking for 20years!!! i didnt realise people could be so cruel paul i really feel upset for you at the moment. take care and give joan a try susie

paul, the exact same thing happened to a man on friends reunited trying to trace his daughter,she took all her details off both sites and the poor man still puts a message on everyday. i hope that you have some sucess with the last note good luck to you luv melinda

Hi Paul This is a terrible thing to have happened to you - I really know how you feel having been through something similar myself. However, perhaps it was such a shock for them that they panicked and removed their details .... maybe there are other family members that don't know about you, and they were afraid of repercussions. Maybe they need some 'breathing space' - try contacting them again but in a less public way, or better still use a reputable and experienced 'third party' to contact them on your behalf. Good luck, Mandy :)

Paul - I'm really sorry you've had this experience. I also found it difficult to believe this but it does seem that some biological families use both FR & GR without thinking that they might be contacted by adoptees and are genuinely stunned when contacted through this way. With hindsight, I wouldn't recommend contacting birth relations without using an organisation that is trained to deal with things we don't know we'll feel. I don't want to give you false hope but this might possibly be only one person you've dealt with so far instead of a rejection by all of them. And remember whatever happens with your living birth relatives you have just as much a right as anyone else to your history. Good luck David

Thanks all for your kind words.

Paul, I do feel for you, it must be so frustrating and you have a right to be more than a little angry. I think they could have e-mailed you back and at least explained why they wanted no contact. Jo x.

paul this must be so hard for you, they could have just said sorry we aren't ready for any contact. i'm sure your adoptive family make up for it with the love they give you. what a shame your not my boyfriends son, he would love for his to get in contact. take care sandra