General Chat

How does one get information ( often vital ) out of older genorations without beating them over the head with a big stick when all they say when asked niecley is WE dont talk about THEM ! Andy

Ask politely why we dont talk about THEM and then tell them their nasty deeds need to be told to future generations so that they learn from the THEM'S mistakes lol!! Good luck & much happiness Debi

Yes I know what you mean! My aunts and uncles are in their 80's and 90's. My mum & dad are long gone, so it's the aunts and uncles I need to beat with a stick! I strongly suspect there was an illegitimate daughter, and her father was possibly someone very interesting, but tight lips and a curtain of silence falls whenever I try to bring up the subject. Babies out of wedlock are no big deal these days - happens all the time. But family solidarity among the older generations is hard to break down. Certainly I have had no luck. Wendy.

Very tactfully very gently. And if you have to find out information yourself and they say oh yes I remember, just smile. Joy

Take a small voice-actuated recording machine. ( have one which slips into my top jacket pocket) and try and get them reminiscing. Its not usually difficult - and a glass or two of wine may help. Offer them some information and they will be anxious to put you right. Trouble is that there are not all that many elderly rellies with information.. len

I have used a dictophone once and they are dead useful. There are companies that will convert them to CD to give them a longer life span. (The tapes I mean, not the old relative)

When I asked an older cousin of my Husbands for details of the past he said that he didn't know very much at all. However, when I got him chatting informally about "the old days" he started to bring up snippets of information on people and I would casually say "oh really, about what age would they be when that happened" etc. He actually knew far more than he realised. I think the secret is to make sure they are relaxed first (the glass of wine is a good idea) and then don't make it sound like questions, more like an interest in times gone by. Cheers - Chrissie

When I started all of this years ago and asked my mam about her family her reply was " bloody family tree should have been chopped down". It's only now I know what she went through that I understand her. We have romantic notions about our ancestors and sometimes forget that they were flesh and blood like us.

Georgina I loved that. I asked my uncle where their family were born and he said there were 10 of us so we didn`t have time to think about such things. My auntie was convinced they were from the Felling area Durham and my uncle thought Shankhouse. They originaly came form South Shields but some of the family were born in Cramlington Northumberland and some in Shank House Northumberland. In all their various tales, I have found nuggets which help. My Auntie could remember her mother going to her uncles and trying on hats at their shop. Turned out her grandfather was a hatter which helped when looking for common names like Johnson and Hill. Mary

I used to take my gran to the pub. By the time she was on her second half pint she was rolling! Unfortunately a lot of what she said turned out to be a little off the truth eg - grandad must have been scottish - he was always singing 'I belong to Glasgow'. grandad was born & bred in southampton, as was HIS father!!! ps Not a good ploy if grandparent has bladder problems!!!lol

I think the drink sounds good. I always try flowers and chocolate but drink sounds much more fun. Mary

I'd like to mention "auto-suggeston", try the rellie with an idea of what you want, build into a story and then let them put you right. I have tried this on several occasions and have received all sorts of scorn for getting "it" so wrong and out comes what you wanted, olé. Good hunting, Derek in France

Oh gosh Kate!!! Reticent lot are they? I have to admit, I only used to grill Gran (died last year) and mum's into genealogy so that's ok. My dad's dead, but my older brother remembers his mum and stepfather, but won't write it down. When I ask him about them, he acts like I should know!!! As for aunts, uncles and cousins, I'm afraid I don't want anything to do with them after the way they treated my gran!!!! Maggie