General Chat

As ship's quartermaster I require all crew and passengers to declare any personal effects that could be useful if the ship finds itself in an emergency situation so that these can be recorded on my emergency inventory. I therefore expect all on board to report to me before the ship sets sail with details of any items they possess that could be of help if needed, and to agree to hand these over when asked. Items already declared: a reverend for soul-saving purposes complete with accessories; sundry entertainment items (including some "exotic" items) that will be useful if we are stuck in a lifeboat for days; medicinal alcohol of different sorts; laundry products to keep all those knickers clean and pristine;ruined shoes that can be recyled for their red leather; precious gems - including diamonds that can be used in rock-cutting tools if we need to hollow ourselves out a cave for shelter on a desert island; luxury food products in case ship's rations run low and also for any emergency birthday parties; a large amount of 2nd hand knicker elastic for tying up marauding pirates; medical supplies in case anyone breaks their nails and the manicurist can't help; magical equipment and potions to charm any pagan natives on inhabited islands we might pass; nuclear bomb proof shelter for preserving our family history records should the world end en voyage; sewing supplies/scissors for repairing all those knickers being brought on board and embroidering new red shoes; endless supply of political hot air for filling balloons to be made of sails sutured together with medical suturing thread and tied with knicker elastic; office sundries in case we need to set up in business as a floating family history records office; enough erotic paraphernalia to kit out Anne Summers and a family planning clinic; plus potential members (excuse the pun) of a new dance troupe to rival the Chippendales, with their props, in case we have to deal with any warlike female tribes; lashings of plum jam to make the ship's biscuits palatable. Angela