General Chat

FOR ATTENTION: DR LEGS. It has come to my attention that the "Sassy" assistant cook is also a Karaoke singer. I am afraid it would be impossible for her to do both jobs as the "Sassy" assistant cannot be on call twenty four hours a day. Please discuss her position with the Admiral as I still need a dishwasher (would suit her perfectly) and an assistant cook. FAT LADY, COOK

Sorry used all the rice for the sushi last night. Can you substitute with something else? Chips sounds good! By the way "master" you will have to cook it yourself as I am off to bed now. I'm on night shift. I will prep the food for you while you are having your much much needed beauty sleep. Do I get any overtime because I worked 12 hours straight? Deb - your galley slave

Good Morning All, ASSISTANT COOK: The breakfast Menu is posted the night before. Should the Admiral, Dr Legs or Security Dave the croc hunter or any of the paying passengers (that does not include the brothel or its inmates) require anything that is not on the Menu a message shall be slipped under the Galley door the night before. Breakfast starts at 7:00 ends at 9:00 Lunch: from 13:00 to 14:00 Dinner :from 19:00 to 21:00 Except Sundays: Late full English breakfast due to hangovers etc. Late: Sunday Roast with all the trimmings. Dinner cold meats and salad. Remember your position you "sassy" assistant! If I can wash dishes so can you. That is until Dr Legs can find a dishwasher assistant to the assistant cook. "Sassy" Assistant get yourself down to the kitchen poste haste as you are need to cook the rice, I said rice loose grains and not a lumpy glue. FAT LADY,COOK

Doctor LL take the shame, have a nice fry up, you'll feel better, honest!! Some of these new members hav'nt reported to sickbay for their pricks yet, and they are jumping each other left right and centre, I've had to bar them from the brothel. Lady Anne

Good Morning Everyone Auditions for Snowhite are now open again for 1 hour We have The Queen Sleepy Dopey Doc and Grumpy Please come and see me if you would like a part Steph EM

I may as well get into trouble for ten pots of coffee rather than the one. I will have a secret coffee/tea wagon on the upper deck next to the pool for those who are gasping. It will be hidden by a large red tent. I have included some toast and muffins. This should tide you over till she gets her a** out of bed. Do I get overtime as my shift ended hours ago? Deb Assistant Cook/ karaoke singer

Hi Deborah, I'm afraid it's the elf singing. A coffee may quieten him down. I promise not to tell the cook. Please. Knock loudly on the door when you bring it as I am wearing earmuffs. Gwynne

Ah, I see, Joanne, Legolas is not happy about that. He doesn't like the idea of being donked. So he has locked himself in the wardrobe again. Still, as long as he isn't singing and wailing I can live with that. You haven't seen my red boots, have you? Gwynne

Almost forgot to sing my "karaoke wake up song" --- "Good bye Ruby Tuesday" --------Are you all awake yet, and why is that cat howling? Or is that Boris? As we set sail today for lands unknown, can someone wake me up when we arrive in our next port of call? Sorry about the coffee, but I can't serve without permission from "She who must be obeyed" (Head Cook)

No Gwynne, You cant go shoving the mallet up his nose as thats not a very nice thing to do. You need to stand over him whilst he is asleep, swing the mallet in your hands and give him an almighty donk on the forehead. Works a treat. Lady M

Hi Joanne, Thanks for the tip. I stick a mallet up his nose tonight to see if that stops him. Any chance of a coffee, cook? Gwynne

Morning all, My what a great night sleep I had, think it was down to the excersise last night. Gwynne - I believe you have a problem with snoring elfs, I do have a solution. I found that a wooden mallet is quite suffice to deter to situation (this has been used as a remedy several times). Hi Ho Hi Ho, Its off to work we go. Just practising my Dopey for the panto. My legs are trembling, my knees are weak, a rich rich husband is what I seek. Lady M (marmalade, not muck)

I've waited for Cook to show up to give me my instructions. She must still be sleeping it off. I'm off to bed now (soon). See you all for afternoon tea! Assistant cook / karaoke singer

Dr Longlegs - the new doc was asked to be Doc in the panto - one of the seven dwarfs - think she's just doing some serious method acting! lol Did report for jabs and interview but didn't get either.

*Yawn* Morning all, Isn't it time we had a lifeboat drill? I'm very good at getting in and out of the lifeboat now. Security - I left my red boots outside the cabin to be cleaned and they've disappeared. Please look into this matter with some urgency. Gwynne PS Anyone know how to stop an elf snoring - short of elficide?

Ahh! peace on the ship. I've just done the last karaoke song for the evening. Thanks for all your kind words regarding my voice! Cook is sleeping I presume, it's either her or Boris snoring. I was going to prep for breakfast, but I'm scared in case she shouts at me for doing so. I have to wait for her orders. Another 5 hours 'til breakfast, so I'll just sit here with a nice bottle of wine. Is anyone else onboard awake.

Mommylonglegs! Don't understand your message

Oh thank you David, I'm glad those camels have been dispposed of. By the way what has happened to Frank and Bruno, and Frankie, Madam Anne's dog. I hope they are safe and well!

Admiral Dorothy I think the Camels have been disposed of, but i'll go and have a look if they are still around i get the hump well and truly, they will be dumped overboard post haste. On my way be afraid David ( security )

New Doc???? what new Doc? What makes you think there is a new Doc? I am also getting confused. I thought we had all got jobs sorted out! SPEAK TO EVERYBODY TOMORROW. I am going to have a nice drop of Brnady (I hope) and go to my cabin now. Goodnight!