General Chat

NOW HEAR THIS! ATTENTION! This is the Admiral speaking: We set sail at 2pm this afternoon heading for Mondelo, the main port, so that we can deliver the cargo from the Ambassador, then continue on our journey. From what I hear, most of you were too sozzled to realise this fact! Now that Dr. Longlegs is handing out Antabuse tablets, hopefully you will all sober up enough to continue our Cruise. Has someone rescued the Black Widow? We cannot go on circling around for her for much longer! If necessary we shall have to launch the longboat to look for her, then it will have to catch up with us. When we reach Mondelo we shall not dock, so DO NOT leave the ship! I will send the cargo ashore and then we shall head NNE towards the Bahamas. David,Security Guard: Am I right in thinking all those camels have been disposed of? Lindy: the dinner menu is delightful: please send mine to my cabin, as I shall be too busy to come on deck for a while.

Oh Fat Lady - you are toooo good to me - I hope you appreciate though that my "cabin" is usually unoccupied for most of the time - I have "alternative" sleeping arrangements - currently the odd-shaped coffee table in the slappers room - please arrange for my offal to be delivered there if you can. I take it all back about you Fat Lady - I had thought that as you were pushed overboard from another ship you probably had a bit of an attitude (and to be fair, from the tone of your messages I still think that you are somewhat autocratic) however pandering to my every needs food wise puts you at the top of list to kiss!! Where is the dentist by the way? I have raging tooth ache in two teeth (the result of biting into some hard-faced old slapper last night, with skin like a rhino) It's not fair, really it isnt! Is there no beautician on board to give the girls a few tips on keeping their skin soft? I thank you anyway Fat Lady for thinking of me specifically - I will ensure that you are not visited (at least in the foreseeable future). By the way, am I the Dwarf Doc. or the Acting Ship's Doctor (got slightly confused yesterday and 15 pages later lost the plot a bit) Jac the Drac.Chief Mortician, Acting something or other, Public Health Warning producer etc etc etc ps going out now for a while - I think I might have sighted land, and will fly off to investigate

Good Afternoon all, (I head that Lady Muck) Dinner shall be served between 19:00 and 21:00 DINNER MENU For The admiral Doctor Legs, Security Dave the croc hater and all paying passengers. Deboned Lamb Curry and Yellow Rice served with fresh slices of Banana, Mango, Pinapple, Apple and Tomato. Fresh Home made Roti (looks like a pancake) or Lamb Stew with white rice. Home made Pineapple Mousse Assorted cheese with crackers Coffee and Cognac White or Red wine to be ordered from the Bar. JAC THE DRAC I have sent the lamb's raw liver, stomach and heart to you cabin, hope you enjoy it.;-) No Pinapple mousse for the crew and brothel as there was not enough and NO ALCOHOL whilst on duty. FAT LADY, COOK Boris and I shall take a stroll around the deck for some fresh air before dinner.

Hi Doc Longlegs I need to find a wheelbarrow to get that lot to you for treatment they are all legless. be along asap. Just have an urge to go and kick that waste of space crocodile over the side, trouble is fat cook keeps hiding it. On my way to galley i'm starving and grumpy. David ( security ) Be Afraid

Dr, What the dickins are these tablets, they are huge and smell like mammoth poo. I know we need to find away to get rid of the poo but surely you didnt get Fat Lady Cook to bake them into pills? Lady Marmalade

Ouch! My god what a minging hangover, I remember going to the bar, and then I remember waking up in my cabin. Legs akimbo, skirt all creased, knickers gone!! What the devil happened in between times, was I that paraletic that someone has been man handling me, or did I forget the undies this morning. Every things a blank!!! Lady Marmalade

You're being nasty, Doc. I thought it was a fruit cocktail. And I have a dreadful headache. *sniff* Can I go back to my cabin now that I've woken up? *sniff*. You're SO unfair. Gwynne

Day off Doc. Can't do everything me self. The drink was the black widows fault she suggested it. Ships Landlady

Sorry Dr, on me way to the surgery now. Viv Ships Landlady

Alright Doctor, Ooh I don't think Mel's going to like being referred to as the plank.

hey this wasnt my fault....im sorry xxxxxxx Entertainment Manager

No, they were on the house!! hee hee

anyway it was black widows fault, she is a bad influence on me! Entertainment Manager

entertainment manager?

ummm well hic...it stands for ummm Entertainment manager miss i mean dr

oooohhhh i hate being in trouble sob sob, im at the drs surgery now

The croc is in his hammock taking a nap. I am trying to sort dinner ALL BY MYSELF. FAT LADY, COOK (It is very slow, will be back later)

ive had alchol hic....hic....am i being told off?? hic....

Looks like i'm going have to get tough and lock these blokes up in the brigg otherwise nothing will get done around here, and ration the booze, somebody needs to clean up this sick!!. I'll be coming round later to check up on everyone, and i'll looking in the lifeboats, David ( security ) Be Afraid

Hope that croc's not on the loose! I shall be back with my new sail cloth clobber later. I was trying to sign on as a soothsayer but Woe is me - I didn't see that coming! I can work my passage so giss'a job! Maggot (computer very slow in real life - could be some while 'down below')